Slippery Slope
by RT4ever
Summary: There is no clear line as to the drop off. Just one step then another and pretty soon you realize you’ve completely left where you were. You’re living someone else’s life and you can’t go back, only forward. JM, BB, SC, DS, RS, the Q’s.
1. Beginning Steps to the Final Drop Off

**AN:** Reposting of chapter 3 of the Path To (revelations) into its own story since it has been unanimously been voted into continuation. Chapter 2 is new.

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**Beginning Steps to the Final Drop Off **

"Miss Barrett, you can't just-" Max said chasing after the small brunette who had caught him off guard, wondering why she had been let past the gate after he'd explicitly told them, 'Mr. C was to have no visitors.'

Sonny had leapt to his feet in the living room hearing her name, but paused to groan in discomfort, clutching his wound and still doing so as she flung open the doors and said only one word, "Emily."

"Brenda," he compassionately began seeing the red rimmed eyes, her face scrubbed clean of makeup, her hair gathered up in a ponytail. It probably hadn't been washed in days; she wouldn't have had time for much else aside from the flight, which he knew took over half a day. She had been overseas in Tokyo for the past month and a half, as always watched from afar, a vain attempt to ensure her safety.

"No," she demanded, "**Emily.**" Her head shook in horror, "She was just a baby. A baby," she repeated the word. _Things like that just couldn't be true. _

"I know," he took a step closer to her and she took a step back, "leave Max," he ordered.

"You sure Mr. C?" he questioned as he viewed the woman who was suddenly shooting him a dirty look for just existing.

"Now," Sonny commanded.

He didn't need to be told more than twice, he quickly shut the doors.

"Brenda," he tried her name again.

Her head shook and the base of her palms pressed into her eyes as she walked away, trying to block out and stop everything.

"Bren," his voice softened even further.

_Her Sonny, _he drew her in every time, she turned with glassy eyes, "A baby," she repeated.

"I know," he reached out to comfort her.

She jerked back again, taking a moment to deal with the initial shock; she started shaking her head at him, studying him, "You killed her." Her head shook more and she waved a hand around, "this killed her."

"Brenda," he began again, "no one knew what An-"

"No," her head violently shook, loosening the ponytail. "You knew. Everything. Everyone. This life," she waved the hand again, "was it worth Emily?"

"Brenda if I-"

"What Sonny?" she demanded, "What would you have done?"

He began to open his mouth.

"She was a baby Sonny!" the palms went back up and she turned to walk a few steps again. She turned back, "A little girl who lost her mom. The little girl who was so screwed up over her family that she started doing drugs. Do you remember what she looked like in that hospital bed? She was just a baby."

"If I could do anything to make this better Brenda-"

"No, you wouldn't. So don't promise you would. You got out. You could have stayed out, **but you didn't**."

"Bren-" _didn't she get it? What reason had he had to stay out when she was gone? _

"Its," her hands lifted in defeat as she sucked in a breath, "where did it go Sonny?"

He didn't dare move.

"First Stone, then Jason, Lily," her head shook, she hadn't truly wished death on Lily, certainly not her baby. "Karen, AJ," her head shook more. "It's all gone." _They'd been so young. It wasn't supposed to of…_

"I never thought it could get worse than Stone," she gasped for air, "but it just keeps getting worse. What's left?" She just looked at him for a second before shrugging her shoulders, "Why Sonny? I just don't understand why?"

He took the sudden crumpling of her form as a chance to swoop in, his hands went around her waist, holding her tightly ignoring his own pain, which he could barely even feel over hers, it was radiating out from her.

She barely struggled as he pulled her flush to him. "When's it supposed to get better? There's barely anything…" her voice tapered off as her cries became more pitiful.

"There was so much," she shook in his arms, "and now it's all gone."

She started to pitch forward and he was in no condition to hold them both up, so he did his best to ease them to the floor. Cradling her between his legs, her head resting on his chest, her hands clutching his shoulders.

A myriad of murmurs from him in response to hers, that he, 'knew,' it would 'be okay,' it wasn't 'all gone,' until she finally fell asleep in his arms.

He just held her feeling more drained than he had after giving blood to his brother and being shot barely a day before and within hours of each other. More drained and more alive than he had felt in ages. His heart pounded as hers settled into a steady rhythm. "I kept you safe," he whispered into the top of her head before placing a kiss into the dark locks. "I kept you safe," he repeated before allowing his own head to rest upon hers, feeling its familiar comfort.

Kate's eyes which had long since gone empty, briefly closed and she turned from her position on the top landing and walked back down the hallway.

-x-X-x-

"How long has she been here?" Jason's firm voice questioned as he opened the parlor doors to see Sonny with Brenda in his arms.

Sonny looked up stunned.

"How **long** has she been here?" Jason repeated.

"Uh Stone Cold, not acting very-" Spinelli began, but quickly shut up by the death glare his protector shot him.

"How long?" Jason repeated.

"Uh-" Sonny tried to focus.

"Maybe a little less than an hour, I called you when I realized she-" Max shut up when he realized Jason's anger had increased.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Jason threatened, ignoring everyone, but Sonny.

"Uh do you think you might be overreact-" Spinelli once more shut up.

"She was upset Jason," Sonny defended.

"Then you call me or you call Robin," he explained as he moved to forcibly remove Brenda from Sonny's hold.

He could feel her slipping from him, the last hair on his cheek, the scent of it, the last feel of her skin against his, the warmth leaving his body.

"What's going on down here?" Kate asked moving down the stairs.

"Have you been here this whole time?" Jason asked with Brenda gently stirring in his arms over the noise and movement, but not enough to wake.

"I haven't left the house since we brought Sonny home," she offered, not wanting to admit to anything.

"The entire time Brenda's been here?"

"Is she alright?" Kate made a disdainful, yet slightly curious face, trying to play off what she already knew.

"She's fine," Sonny offered with a groan as he stood. "She's upset over Emily. She fell asleep."

"She can't just fall asleep Sonny," Jason ordered, "not here, not with you."

"Am I missing something? And if anyone should be playing jealous girlfriend, shouldn't it be me?" Kate questioned.

"Actually Stone Cold does get to play the role of jealous ex-husband despite it conflicting with his-"

Jason shot another look at Spinelli, "Enough." He turned to Max, "Brenda was here with Sonny and Kate checking up on him."

"Uh yes sir," Max said with more respect than normal, suddenly afraid of the normally easy going Jason, if that was the story he was to tell, he would tell it.

He turned to leave with Brenda in his arms.

"Should I have someone follow you with Brenda's car?" Max questioned, despite not wanting to.

Jason suddenly froze and cursed his sudden forgetfulness, "No," he shook his head. "I can't risk carrying her out," his eyes closed in pain at having to wake her.

"I feel as if we are missing the critical goblet of power in the 8th lev-"

Jason turned again, blue eyes nearly going black.

"Is there any knowledge you wish to impart on the Jackal?"

"Yes," Jason said with a focused look, "be quiet."

The addition of those sharp words finally caused Brenda to stir again.

"Hey Brenda, I'm going to put you down, think you can stand?"

"Do you have to?" she mumbled and buried her face into the gray shirt.

"Yea come on," Jason nodded and went to tilt her out of his arms, "just for a few minutes. I just need you to walk to the car."

She grumbled sliding to her feet. She blinked when confronted with Spinelli.

"Hey, hello there Sleeping Beauty, no no. Snow White. Pasithea. Persephone, torn between-"

"Spinelli," Sonny snapped, seeing Brenda struggling to comprehend what was going on, though he instantly regretted that move because it hit her all over again seeing him.

She took a step back to escape reality, but hit Jason's chest instead. She turned, her eyes flooded again seeing him, "Oh god Jason," the staggering loss hit her again, especially seeing it echo in his eyes.

"Come on, we need to get you out of here," he said placing a hand gently on her shoulder.

"I can't go back there," her head shook, the ponytail having been lost during her nap by a gentle tug of Sonny's fingers. "I can't be in that house. It's like a mausoleum."

"You don't have to go back there. Come on, I'll take you home. I'll have Robin call, make sure they know you're alright."

She gently nodded her agreement.

"Where are your car keys?"

She went to pat down her pockets.

"Still in the car," Max provided.

"Take her car back to Harbor View," Jason ordered Spinelli, "I'll meet you there."

"Sweet the-" he once more quickly shut his mouth about the car that would make even the Blonde One envious. "Hey do you think I can-"

"To the apartment Spinelli. No stopping except for lights," Jason quickly shut his young friend's mouth.

"As you say Stone Cold," he replied with a loss of his smile.

"I'll talk to you later Sonny," was Jason's curt farewell as he ushered Brenda out of the house.

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**Now you see there are options following this. If you like it, it can be continued into a short story involving some very Q-ness emerging and being found, but then there would be AJ-ness and well. I've only got an AJ reader or two. So yay or nay with more of this? **


	2. Attempting to Suspend Reality

******AN (aka rambling section): **So there's been a lot of good Robin/Jason moments as in he doesn't appear to hate her forever like I thought he was supposed to. :-P So this chapter is going to go along with that (man I wish you could have seen my face the first time I was tuned in for one of those moments…Really hadn't been expecting it).

******Commenting Back: **Hmm jealous. Jason is something, but it's not jealous, well not yet. :-P

******Warning:**Spinelli may be REALLY overdone or maybe overdone is how Spinelli is done…Oh well good luck with reading because the majority of the chapter is through his eyes.

**Thanks for reading!!**

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******Attempting to Suspend Reality**

"I need you to move your stuff into Sam's room," Jason said coming down the stairs as Spinelli walked in the door.

"All of the Jackal's numerous belongings?"

"Yea," he quickly nodded as he pulled out his phone. "And put her stuff back where it was."

"Stained tee-shirts and half used shampoo bottles?"

"And her sheets, they're in the closet."

"She's moving back in?"

Jason's eyes widened in annoyance over this continued discussion, "I don't know. You're in her room. Be glad I'm just asking you to change rooms."

"I am, I am," his hands lifted, "not that you would ever put the J-"

Jason just looked at him, the phone in his hand still waiting for a call to be made.

"I'll just go," he nodded nervously and nearly hopped out of the room.

Jason shook his head as his friend scampered up the stairs, hearing him stumble over his feet as he reached the top, Jason's thumb quickly scrolled through his contacts before finding the number he needed, "Robin, it's Jason."

-x-X-x-

The Jackal mumbled the indignities of being cast out of his room as he tried to reassure himself that at least the move to Sam's room would allow a more appealing aspect to the ladies, should he ever figure out how to get a lady up there. Surely the Fair Nadine would be more impressed or at least less horrified by the neutrals.

He paused as he lifted onto his toes as he tried to reach Brenda's comforter, cursing Stone Cold for as always not remembering there were those shorter than him in the apartment and refusing to pull out the step Sam kept in the closet for such occurrences. Then his head turned and the sheets were forgotten as he heard voices. _Was that the brilliant Dr. Robin he heard?_

"I don't understand why she would be at his house," _positive,_ _that raised voice was the impeccable, resourceful, brave under- _"Jason, if she gets involved with him again-" _very very angry Dr. Robin. _

Surely if Persephone chose to take a bite of the pomegranate once more it was her choice to live the contrary existence. _The Godfather's girlfriend who broke bread with the police commissioner._ Contrary seemed to be Persephone's only path in life, she had been a Morgan and a Quartermaine, a path too daunting even for Stone Cold.

"She is not going to get involved with him again," Stone Cold's force was evident. He had heard the tales of the strong stand Stone Cold had taken in opposition to his sister's and the Godfather's relationship…

"And how are you going to prevent it Jason?" Dr. Robin demanded answers that the Jackal was indeed very curious to hear. "You married her and she was still kissing him."

There was a momentary silence, "She knows better than to get involved with Sonny again."

"Oh really? Are you sure about that? Because the Brenda I know sometimes forgets that she prefers living to being with him."

_That was harsh of Dr. Robin, especially so soon after the death of-_

"Do you think I don't know that?" Stone Cold's voice once more lifted, Stone Cold normally did not display such anger towards Dr. Robin; it was why the Jackal had felt assured to call his mentor during the inexplicable failure on his part during Dr. Robin's quest for progeny.

"Maybe this was just a fluke," her voice softened, tender in an effort to console him, the Jackal not for the first time wondered what they had been like as a couple. Her compassion, his strength…

"He seems happy with Kate," she continued.

"She isn't Brenda," Stone Cold now icily informed his former mate. "He can't have her, so he wants her."

_And why couldn't the Godfather have Persephone??? _He wondered nearly falling into the stairway trying to urge on the information.

"They weren't like that Jason, don't make them like that," annoyance in Dr. Robin's voice, that too was unusual.

"They were bad for each other," the quick response.

"They were in love," the Jackal could see the smile on her face through her tone, "madly, passionately, crazily in love."

"Crazy yes," the curt response.

"They would have done anything for each other," she ignored him.

"Except what was best for them."

"He left Jason; he left Port Charles, left the business, left everything."

The Jackal had heard stories of this, the year the Godfather had disappeared for, preceded by Persephone being left at the altar.

"No he tried to leave," Stone Cold corrected once more with his voice lifting. "How long do you think he would have lasted if he hadn't thought she was dead?"

"That's something we'll never know," her voice continued to be soft.

"He would have come back, it was impossible to keep him away."

"She wants more than that Jason, she deserves more than that, she knows that, she made you marry her in order-"

"She thought she was dying-"

"Still though-"

"Do you remember why Jax called off their wedding?"

"Jason it was one kiss and Sonny-"

"Sonny was with Carly-"

"And now he has Kate," she pointed out.

"He was married to Carly, they had Michael and he still-"

"Maybe it'll be fine," she conceded, despite the fact that she had been yelling at him for answers. "Maybe Rivera's threat-"

"We think it might be safe, they can't track down everyone Robin, the threat's still out there. Worse people that know about the threat, even if there's no money to be gained, but they think there is..."

"Jason," she once more tenderly began.

"The reason he left her is still there, but Sonny…He'll talk himself out of it. He almost did before. He'll convince himself that it's safe, that he can keep her safe, if he can't Robin…"

"She's smart Jason, she knows better," the compassion in Dr. Robin's voice was almost palpable.

"You know we're taking about Brenda right?"

The Jackal stopped himself from laughing just in time.

"Be nice," her voice suddenly lifted in amusement and the Jackal thought he could hear a slight swat, which he assumed was Dr. Robin hitting Stone Cold. _So very odd. _ Maybe the sound was just in his mind."I'm gonna go check on her."

_'Oh shit,' _the Jackal panicked.

"What about-" Stone Cold tried to ask and the Jackal froze waiting for the tale to go on, more interested by it than he was worried about discovery.

"I talked to Alice, they thought she was sleeping, she promised to tell them she was at my place."

Another dead silence and Spinelli wondered if he should be running for the safety of his room. Slight footsteps and he started to slowly back away from the stairs, ready to break into a dash if need be.

" Alice said she'd been in Jason's room."

The Jackal's footsteps froze as his head creaked forward to hear better.

"That she was in his bed clutching the Mighty Mouse that Emily won for him."

"The what?" the Jackal's heart almost broke hearing Stone Cold's pain.

"Mighty Mouse," Dr. Robin let out a pained laugh, "it was this superhero mouse, who always saved the day. Brenda and I took Emily to the county fair, a girl's day. Brenda and Emily got it in their head that they had to win you-him a Mighty Mouse when they saw it. Emily also had about twenty goldfish that lasted a day," Robin let out another bittersweet laugh. "We sang that damn song for days," the Jackal could almost hear the tears in her laughter.

"I…" and see his mentor's frustration.

"Here I come to save the day," she half sung/half spoke to him.

"I…I wish I could remember that."

Oh the Jackal was glad the Blonde One had been forbidden from being picked up in the seriously sweet ride Persephone possessed. That last statement would had resulted in a large, 'Oh…' and a thud as she hit the ground with emotion.

"You were always her hero Jason," _the Jackal would not cry, he would not cry!_

"She put her faith in the wrong person," his voice suddenly broke up and it took a moment to return, "I should have stayed away from her like they always told me to."

"She wouldn't have let you Jason, she was your sister, you were her brother."

"I…I should go check on Spinelli, he's probably sitting in front of his computer-"

The Jackal's eyes widened and his feet took off without daring to risk waiting around to see if the story was continued.

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******Umm soo glad you wanted it to continue or not? **


	3. Drifting Back Years

**First off thanks for the GREAT reviews and thanks for reading. There is a long ramble that addresses certain reviews and hopefully will clarify any confusion (and probably tell you a lot more than you needed to know). If you're totally good with how the story is progressing and don't need any answers, don't read. :-P **

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**AN (regarding the Sonny I try to write):** So once upon a time S&B was this amazing love story, due in part to the fact that MB had actually once been an amazing actor. He was an incredibly likable, believable character, even Lila was enamored with the hooligan.

Now either the storylines or how MB is playing them is generally laughable. He's no longer believable as a 'kinda good, yet desperate to be powerful, but yet regretful of that quest for power' guy. However, that's the Sonny I write for, if you don't know who that Sonny is, YouTube and read old transcripts, you'll fall in love with him as well. _Oh Sonny, how I miss you…._

**The whole Jason protectiveness thing:** I'm pretty sure this threat was never resolved on screen or even mentioned.

Here's a little summed up version of the actual threat I have behind part of Jason's protectiveness (don't need to read all unless you want GH history, I bolded the part you'll actually need for this story).

Rivera: Lily's father (Sonny's first wife, whom he was kinda forced into marrying, still in love with Brenda at the time, but well in jail).

Sonny was supposed to stay away from Brenda. Brenda was hit by a car meant to kill her (Lily saved her I think, I could be lying about that though) after not even doing anything with Sonny (but Rivera thinking they were) after Sonny had been warned to stay away from Brenda (that's how Brenda became addicted to pain meds, hip injury).

Sonny and Brenda decide to run away together. Sonny finds out Lily is pregnant and tells Brenda he has to stay. I think Lily went to leave town or it was at least known the marriage was over (Harry telling Rivera). Rivera puts the hit out, Lily dies instead of Sonny and/or Brenda (while Brenda was getting married to Jax, great scene, totally on YouTube).

Brenda saves Sonny from a drug overdose (he was set up). He tries to break up her marriage (enter Jax's first assumed dead wife Miranda). Harry (close business associate) sets up Brenda and Sonny, trapping them underground with plans to kill them because Lily died because of them. He dies instead. They make love and begin the slow road back to each other (you know as Brenda was still planning her wedding to Jax :-P).

Revenge never achieved for Lily's death Sonny and Brenda are set up, they make it through that, but their lives are still threatened. They make plans to leave town together. **Someone comes and tells Sonny that without a doubt he and Brenda will be killed, Brenda first of course and that they will try until they succeed.**

So Sonny leaves town to save her (once more, great storyline, great acting, GREAT character in Sonny).

**So in this story (and all others I write) I have Jason not being sure the threat has been eliminated. It was a very serious threat (Serious enough for Sonny to leave Brenda the woman he had done everything in his power to be with for years). Not the kind of thing with an expiration date. **

You know the scary thing is I did that from memory and only went through a site after to double check. Man I miss old S&B, gonna have to go do a snippet or something on them.

**Timeline/storyline v. GH:** This story differs from the moment Jason told Monica (as in approaching spoilers are not happening in this). I don't know how much time they had in-between what happened and Thanksgiving, but I'm setting it, so Thanksgiving is tomorrow. Hard to gauge time with a soap, where kids age 10 years in five, yet a day passes over two weeks sometimes. :-P

Onto the story…

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**Drifting Back Years**

Spinelli abruptly stopped his movements and more importantly his whistle as Jason's head sharply lifted as he tucked in a corner of Brenda's sheet. Jason had fortunately come to Spinelli's rescue during the daunting task of replacing the dust ruffle. Not that he couldn't have lifted the mattress on his own, he just wasn't sure the lamp on her nightstand would have survived.

"What's that?"

"Huh," his eyes looked everywhere, but at Jason for a few seconds before he remembered, _don't let him see fear_. "Oh, Persephone, had a Mighty Mouse in her car. When she awakens, the Jackal, must offer his services as a driving companion."

The confusion remained on his mentor's face.

"Unless you think that would be too bold of the Jackal-"

"I know that song…"

_Well duh Dr. Robin was singing it before, _"You probably heard it on tv, I think they still play repeats."

"Yea," Jason nodded, "that's probably it," though he continued to still look confused. "Why don't you go set up your room. I'll finish in here?"

"You sure?" he paused looking at his friend.

"Yea," he nodded, "just try to keep it down.

-x-X-x-

_Persephone,_the name rang in Jason's mind as he watched her sleep clutching his pillow, turned towards Robin, who too was asleep on the bed. She would have woken up and talked for a few minutes before falling back asleep, Brenda never missed the opportunity to talk.

The name fit, despite the fact that he would never admit it to Spinelli. Sonny's great joy and there was a part of him that would keep her with him, despite what it would do to her, despite what it would do to everyone else.

He wouldn't let that happen.

"Like two peas in a pod," Spinelli informed him with a slap on his back as he approached the doorway Jason was standing in. He shot his permanent houseguest a look and the hand was quickly removed.

"The divine sisters," Spinelli offered with his hand firmly at his side, "Longevity and strength; beauty and frailty."

Jason turned and looked at young grasshopper, seeking an inner strength to survive him today or more importantly for him to survive the day.

"Japanese mythology, when Ninigi sought a wife, two sisters came to him, the divine sisters, one a rock deity, the other flower deity. He chose the latter as most…" His eyes widened and he shot a look at the angelic Dr. Robin, "Not that Dr. Robin is in any way ins-"

Another look from Jason.

"It's why human life is so short, so fragile. Beauty was chosen, but to live in a world without…" Spinelli took on a philosophical gaze at the _two_ divine creatures resting in Stone Cold's bed; he knew he would remain the grasshopper for quite some time.

"We need to do something about how much free time you have," Jason shook his head as his eyes closed. "Try to watch what you say around her, she's upset," Jason ordered walking away.

"The Jackal would never dare-" he said chasing after Jason only to stop as he realized he'd been left.

-x-X-x-

He heard her walking. Down the stairs. Around the sofa...But he didn't move. He just sat. He'd been sitting for the past hour. His mother's words replaying in his head. His sister's body. His father's.

Saw them grieving for Jason. Then Lila. Then AJ. Then Alan. Every time one less. She was on her own now. He had left his mother alone.

So while he heard Brenda's move, he didn't. He managed to swallow hard as she sat next to him, but that was it.

_It wasn't supposed to be this hard. It hadn't been this hard once. _

Swallowing because he knew something was expected of him, but all of it was beyond him.

One arm went around his neck and the other his chest until they joined. Her head dropped to his shoulder, her body rested against him. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

He roughly nodded, but didn't say anything.

He wanted to hug her, but the thought of it made him more uncomfortable than being unable to act.

"I don't know what else I'm supposed to say."

"I…I don't either. I tried with Mo-" his eyes closed. "I left her all alone."

"It's a lot for her Jason. She needs someone to be angry at," she continued from her position on his shoulder. If she wasn't looking at him, maybe it wasn't quite so weird. She needed to feel strength beneath her, feel something solid.

"I'm the right person-"

"You didn't kill her. You didn't cause the storm. You didn't throw the party."

"I should have stayed away from her. I did this-"

"She would have gone off that roof Jason. She would have never gotten to be a woman. To fall in love. Raise a baby."

Even if that weren't true, he couldn't imagine a life without Emily in it. She pushed and she prodded, she was annoying, yet loyal, compassionate and he always knew she would always love him. Now he'd be living a life without her anyway. "I should have listened to them."

"J-"

"I should have tried harder to be the person they wanted me to be."

_She hadn't been expecting that one. _

"I should have listened to Robin, you, Ned, even AJ. It wasn't just my life you were trying to control," his voice was slow and unsteady, "everyone's life around me. I didn't understand how connected they were, I didn't care."

"Everyone chose; you didn't control their choices Jason, could have walked away, stayed away. And you know without you, I would have been dead too many times to count."

"You could have made better choices," was his crisp answer.

_Valid argument. _

"She was throwing a party, she was getting engaged. And her life is over because of a choice I made."

"Stop making it about you, when you know this is all supposed to be about me," Brenda ordered.

His lips twitched up, her plan worked. "Sorry, I forgot."

She let out a tender smile.

"So why were you at Sonny's?"

_Damn, too well. _The smile fell. "That house is like a time capsule. I was in Jason's room. Surrounded by pictures and things that seem like they happened in another life," she looked a little over at him, "guess there's a reason for that though." Her head shook it off, "And I was remembering being so miserable with Jason over that Karen and Jagger loved each other, not us. It felt like our world was ending. There were so many things that just seemed so insurmountable then and now…They're nothing. I was remembering just how good we had it. How all we had were possibilities and now…I was so angry over how much we lost. And Sonny…He was a good target for it at the moment."

"Brenda," he condoned and pleaded with her in a single word.

"Hey wise is never one of the words used to describe me," her lips lifted in a gentle smile.

He groaned slightly.

-x-X-x-

"Dr. Robin and I-" Spinelli announced. "Oh," he began in horror seeing them in an embrace on the couch. He turned to run nearly slammed into Robin's chest, _If only that had happened instead of that cold little cup. _

Robin looked over the mop of brown hair, to her two _friends? _Both turned and staring in bewilderment at the back of Spinelli.

"Were you two getting along?" she returned the befuddled gaze.

"You were right. He's being nice it's kinda freaky."

_Why did it seem everyone she considered a friend wanted to mortify her in front of Jason lately?_

"I'm always nice," Jason defended dryly, "you normally just don't like what I have to say."

Brenda turned and gave him a transparently disagreeing look.

"Spinelli and I are hungry, we were wondering if anyone else was?"

"I can always eat pizza," Brenda announced though she hadn't been hungry since she had heard the news, just like Robin hadn't, just like Jason hadn't, just like a lot of people in Port Charles hadn't. Pizza seemed like a good idea though.

"Spinelli, you know where the menus are," Jason ordered.

"Want me to order?" he asked walking off.

"I'm fine with anything," Jason conceded.

"Robin," was all Brenda said.

Robin laughed, "I'll make sure he doesn't order anything weird."

Brenda shifted as the other two walked into the kitchen, turning sideways to view Jason, her legs now bent next to her from the move instead of underneath, her side resting against the couch instead of him, leaving him suddenly cold.

"So _what is _up with that?" she asked once she was sure Robin was in the kitchen.

"Excuse me?"

"You being nice to Robin

"I'm normally nice to Robin," he quickly replied.

"No you were civil to her, after treating her like she was AJ, making it so she didn't want to come home for years. And considering that only occurred after she saved your life."

He opened his mouth when she seemed to take a pause only to realize she wasn't done.

"Oh wait no, you were nice, when Lila _died._"

"What's the point of this?" Not even realizing he was so caught up in the drama that was Brenda that he'd forgotten just for a few minutes.

"You nice is freaky," she declared before tossing him a smile.

He chuckled.

"Seriously," she demanded.

His head shook, his lips tightened, "I don't know. I guess one day it was just easier. It didn't-" his head shook again, "I was his father. Blood didn't make AJ his father."

"Robin-" Brenda's voice softened.

"She was doing what she thought was the right thing," he nodded. He'd known that all along, it hadn't made it easier. "And I'd always respected that about her…" _he had loved it about her. Loved, but never understood why she'd always try so hard to do the 'right thing' always trying to think of everyone else. _

"Yea, you respect it about her, right up until it bites you in the ass," Brenda said making a face.

He laughed again.

"You know it's nice to know some things haven't change," Brenda suddenly smiled. "Good two-shoes Robin; solid, dependable Jason and…" she waved her hands at herself.

"And what are you?" he asked smiling ignoring how undependable he felt.

"Girl with two really good friends," she embarrassedly laughed at herself, "who save her from herself when she thinks it's a good idea to go beat up her ex-fiancée."

She groaned in embarrassment and let her head hit the couch. "So was that his girlfriend I made an ass out of myself in front of."

"That was Kate."

"Seemed kind of cold. Pretty though," she continued making a face.

"They grew up together in Bensonhurst."

"Bensonhurst?" Brenda shot him a disbelieving look for that. "Land of the Cerullos?"

"Yea," he nodded in agreement.

Her eyes lifted, but she said nothing, "Interesting."

"Brenda," he warned.

"What?" she shot him an innocent look, "All I said was interesting."

"Behave," he ordered.

"Always," she brightly smiled.

-x-X-x-

"Thanksgiving's tomorrow," Brenda said with a slice frozen upon approach.

"Yea," Robin nodded, also surprised by that fact.

"Came so fast this year," Brenda thoughtfully pondered. _Where had the year gone? Where had the decade gone?_

"Every year it seems to speed up," Robin responded. The conversation was stifled, Emily's name a strict taboo.

"Georgie said she invited you," Robin nodded at Spinellli.

"Uh yes, she has extended the most kind invitation. Though a meal shared with-"

"Remember that Maxie is my cousin," Robin cut him off.

"What's wrong with Maxie?" Brenda frowned.

"Maxie's been uh-" Robin thoughtfully looked to the side, "challenging," she decided with a nod, "these past couple…years," she ended with a face.

"The-"

"Spinelli," Jason stopped him.

"Well its Thanksgiving," Brenda nodded, "suck it up for a day."

"You're welcome to-" Robin began to offer to Brenda.

"I think this is enough Thanksgiving," Brenda nodded at her slice, "an old fashioned Quartermaine Thanksgiving," a bittersweet smile graced her face.

"Pizza?" Spinelli questioned.

"It's a long story," Robin smiled.

"Huh, I guess everyone will be around tomorrow except for Luke and Tracy." _And one other, but that's who they were returning for. _

The table grew silent.

"Maybe I'll swing by with Brooke and Lois," she said realizing how long the day would be.

"They're always welcome," Robin offered.

"Is that the rock goddess I've seen-"

"Goddaughter," Brenda stopped him.

"Ah," he nodded.

"Sonny's as well," Jason added.

"Point taken," Spinelli forlornly nodded and took a bite of a garlic knot.

-x-X-x-

Jason's phone rang over lively stories the girls were entertaining Spinelli with. Everything from him using a hard hat as a planter, to Mac's car being used in the decimation of a skunk. He'd been sitting back, chuckling on occasion, from time to time defending himself, but mostly just watching them.

_Carly. _

He stood, answering the phone as he walked away from the table.

"What's going on?"

"I'm just checking in on how you're doing. Jax and I…Or actually I decided not to tell the boys today. I want them to have a good Thanksgiving, they've been looking forward to it."

"When are you going to tell them?"

"I don't know," she wiped away tears he couldn't see, she'd been wiping away tears all day, lying about their cause. "Tomorrow night. The next morning."

"Michael is going to want-"

"To go to the funeral I know. I called over to the house, I talked to Ned. He understands about the holidays and said Monica would too. So I'll tell the boys tomorrow night or…I guess I have to tell them tomorrow night. Do you want me to call you before Jax and I sit them down? I know you said you didn't want to come to dinner."

"If you think I should be there when you-"

"I do. Michael's going to need to see you-"

"Then I'll be there," he curtly replied.

"Maybe I should come over after the boys go to-"

"Jason," Brenda's voice called out, "were you there the time Sonny snorted wine out of his nose?"

"Who is that?" Carly's curt voice demanded.

"No it wasn't Jason, it was…Oh my god who was there," Robin pondered while laughing.

"Two someones," Carly said not fully hearing the voices, but hearing enough to know they were different.

"Brenda and Robin are over, we're in the middle of dinner."

"Brenda and Robin," her voice lifted, a full fight ready to emerge. "You know what, I'm not going to. I'm going to say goodnight and if you need me, call me. I call you tomorrow with what time to come over. Enjoy your night Jason."

He groaned as the phone went dead.

"Jason tell Robin you were there," Brenda demanded.

He walked back over to the table, "He almost felt out of his chair."

Brenda laughed and slammed the table, "He's taken being shot better than having a little alcohol come out of his nose."

Robin laughed louder, "I've seen you laugh while taking a shot, you didn't shut up about the entire night."

"It was a higher proof," was her quick retort.

"Can we go back to the Godfather making a fool out of himself?" Spinelli eagerly asked.

* * *

**Thanks for still reading. I hope you're enjoying. **


	4. Intrinsically Bound

**AN: **Some of you guys might want to check back and make sure you didn't miss chapter 3. It was posted soon after two and the hits are a lot lower, so I'm thinking you hadn't realized it'd been updated. (good news if that happened you get two chapters at once :-P)

**Random:** Why isn't Michael at his aunt's funeral? And didn't Emily help take of Morgan as well for months? (this is what happens when you turn on the show ten minutes late. :-P)

* * *

**Intrinsically Bound **

**The Cemetery: **

Kate found herself at a dead woman's funeral. A woman she barely knew. Yet a woman whose life had been completely entwined with her current one. Sonny's former lover, aunt to his children. Maybe that's why she was here. Or maybe it was just that she was so thankful, _it hadn't been her. _

Of course now she found herself standing near Alexis and her daughter, both former lovers of Sonny's and she was finding the situation just a tad too peculiar for her tastes.

She was people watching as they continued to arrive at the cemetery.

Robin Scorpio close to the family, **Dr. **Robin Scorpio, she had become very aware of that title during their time on the island.

Her brows lifted in curiosity seeing the woman next to her. The high-waisted black pants, the fitted thin charcoal sweater tucked in, the high quality black coat that fell mid-thigh. Classic Dior oversized black sunglasses. The round-toe pump…

It was almost amusing seeing her next to the young doctor. Who too wore, black pants, a gray sweater, black jacket and shoes, yet none were particularly trendy. Staples one would have seen three years ago and would still be seeing three years in the future.

Kate was not exactly comfortable seeing the model, Brenda Barrett, her boyfriend's former fiancée looking so…Put together. At the same time wondering how she survived without a pocketbook.

Next to her another woman with dark hair and in black sunglasses like Brenda, also fully dressed in black, yet looking somewhat garish next to the other two women.

She looked familiar, yet Kate couldn't place the face.

Her eyes returned to them from time to time throughout the service. A wall of black coats and dark hair. Comforting each other. Holding hands or arms, or arms around each other's backs.

It made Kate regret her current status as rather friendless in this town. Though even if she were elsewhere she doubted the ladies she lunched and shopped with would console her during a funeral.

As the funeral ended she watched endless streams of individuals pay their condolences yet again to Monica. Watched dear little Michael kiss his grandmother on the cheek and watched Monica shake even further.

"Are those the Cerullos?" she asked the woman, she still found herself standing next to, yet not quite sure why. Seeing the couple Brenda was approaching.

"Yea," Alexis nodded, "Ned mentioned they came up."

She watched as Brenda pointed her way and Kate ducked her head to the side. "Tell Monica I'm very sorry for her loss. I need to go check on Sonny." She said narrowly avoiding the couple Brenda was leading to her.

-x-X-x-

**Late in the afternoon: **

"Persephone," Spinelli opened the door and greeted her with reverence.

"We're going to need to come up with a new nickname," she said walking past him into Jason's apartment.

"But Per-"

"Luis tricking me into staying with him for three years isn't something I'd like to revisit on a regular basis."

"Oh," the Jackal nearly leapt alongside her as she walked further into the apartment, "but that is not why the Jackal has bestowed upon you that name."

Her brows lifted in question.

"When Persephone was gone it was winter, when returned life began again. You made the Godfather come to life; you even inspired the normally stoic one to express attitudes unaccustomed to him."

She blinked waiting for the 'you get used to it' Robin had promised her regarding Spinelli to kick in, it didn't, "I what?"

"Not that the Godfather isn't normally compassionate and even quite loving when with his offspring or Valkyrie."

"See there's an issue," Brenda turned with a pointed finger and was momentarily stunned into silence seeing how close Spinelli was. Her head shook, brushing off the peculiarity of talking to someone who reminded her of Dawson's Creek because people just didn't talk like he did, "she can't have a cooler nickname than me."

"How does one-"

"Warrior…" her hands lifted, then fingers turned in to point to herself, "girl who gets screwed over by the guy who loves her." Her head shook, "Have you met Carly, she gets screwed over by more guys, though at least she deserves it."

"You are the fair maiden Persephone, you bring forth light and goodness, albeit along with jealous and neurotic psychosis's."

"Not gonna make me like it Spinelli."

"You and Stone Cold must have made a very interesting couple," he pondered with a hand on his chin, a finger tapping his nose.

"We were never a couple," she quickly responded with a shake of her head.

"Yet you turn to him for refuge in these trying times. He evicts the Jackal from his room without any express wish on your behalf to return."

"He kicked you out?" she smiled, "Really?"

He frowned, "Yes, it seems Stone Cold has appointed himself your protector, fortunately the other bedroom had recently been vacated by the Blonde One."

"Blonde…" her head shook.

"Lulu had recently been our guest, she returned-"

"At the mansion with me. I saw her," Brenda nodded.

"Returning to Stone Cold kicking the Jackal-"

"Jason's a good friend as much as we may not get along," she shrugged her shoulders, "speaking of Jason where is he?"

"Do not attempt to evade the Jackal's inquiry."

She laughed, "If you don't stop talking about yourself in third person I'm gonna start calling you Damian."

He frowned, "Living with you and Stone Cold at the same time would be challenging. Once more you will not diss-" his hand was up in full inquest mode, finger pointing up and all.

"What do you want to know?" she cut him off before she had to listen to him any longer.

"You return to Stone Cold. You accuse the Godfather of the departed's death, yet Stone Cold received no blame. Yet the tale tells of your great animosity towards Stone Cold and adoration of the Godfather."

"So all of that was," she waved her hand, "do I hate Jason, love Sonny? And if I do why am I here with Jason and not Sonny?"

"Those answers will suffice," he waved his hand for her to continue.

"The slammin' model will provide those answers. No I don't still love Sonny, yes once I did, very much. No I never hated Jason, though on a few occasions if you'd have given me a baseball bat or an anvil I might have tried the cartoon attempt at getting his memory back. I come back to Jason because he's the only one who's ever been honest with me. When he does something I know why. I can understand his reasons and at the end of the day, I can see why he made his decisions. I can try to understand Sonny, but even when I find the answers it still hurts. And Jax," her head cocked to the side, "well he's an asshole. I'm still kinda stuck on that one. Jason's the only one who's never tried to hurt me. Probably because we were never in a relationship, that always seems to be the downfall of my friendships."

"So you come back to…" he paused watching her face, "Jason because you never loved him."

She frowned instead of answering, "I love Jason," an oddly simply fact that she wasn't used to thinking of.

His eyebrows lifted.

"Not like that," she waved her hand.

"You were never in love with…Jason," he forced the name out in order to ensure answers.

"I don't know," she frowned again, "what's to be in love with someone? To depend on them? To miss them when they aren't around? To not being able to imagine your life without them?"

_Interesting. _

"If that's to be in love with someone than I've been in love with Jason for almost a decade and a half," her head shook, one her thought plaguing her lately, a topic they all had readily avoided for years, but couldn't be ignored with the recent events, "I don't know what any of us would have done if he hadn't survived the accident," she nodded thinking about it.

He noticed tears welling up in her eyes.

"Sorry, sorry. The Jackal apologizes for his intrusiveness during these trying times.

She waved a hand, "We fight. I know we do, but…"

"But matters of the heart," Spinelli prompted.

"Not like that," her dark eyes instantly shot at him. She sighed and shook her head as she leaned against the couch, "When we were doing that whole phony marriage thing, I think I finally realized, how much I still needed him, missed him, loved him, even when I couldn't stand him, I still cared. I still see my Jason, our Jason in him. So much of him is still here…That…." Her head shook. She suddenly made a face, "Ugh he's not actually here and hearing any of this is he?"

"Stone Cold has been MIA since the funeral."

"I can't believe Monica would forbid Jason," she'd seen Jason standing off in the distance, fortunately Monica hadn't.

Spinelli opened his mouth to speak.

"Damn," Brenda frowned.

Spinelli's eyebrows lifted.

"I may have to go hang out with Mac, that's just pathetic."

"Where-"

"Lois and Brooke went back with her parents, Robin's at work, Ned's at ELQ since Tracy's at the hospital. Lucy listened to Kevin's genius idea of exposing the girls to European history. Ugh, hanging out with Felicia's as bad as hanging out with Mac."

"Lucy and Kevin?"

"Lucy Coe? Kevin Collins?"

Spinelli's head just shook.

"Lucy Coe, Alan's ex wife? She used to own Deception? Owns Jax cosmetics now?"

His head shook some more.

"Kevin?" Brenda offered again. "Mac's best friend? Brother was a serial killer and tried to off Felicia a bunch of times?"

"Really?"

Brenda's mouth hung open, "He wrote a book, a bunch of people died?"

He snapped his fingers and looked excitedly at her, "Someone told me about that."

Brenda shook her head in disgust, "What happened to the gossip mill in this town?"

"Well since you are friendless this afternoon and I'm assuming trying to avoid the Quartermaine mansion, you might stay and fill me in? Particularly the drill bit into the Ma-," he quickly shut his mouth, "Mrs. Hardy's skull?"

"Maybe I could just tell you who slept with who?"

"Oh psycho killer," Spinelli nodded, "right."

-x-X-x-

He was shaky.

He had been that entire morning, but then he found a respite in Liz's arms. He hadn't meant to sleep with her, not like that, not again. Not needing comfort…That wasn't a reason. Not with her. Even if she weren't his son's mother, she as a person deserved more.

Those few hours with Jake and Cameron. Maybe he could do it. Maybe they could do it. Make it work. Be a father, be a partner, keep them safe…

Lucky didn't think so though and Jason knew plenty of others agreed with him and he was pretty sure he was one of those people.

However without the distraction of Liz and the boys and the work that had been keeping him busy down at the warehouse the rest of the afternoon and most of the evening…He didn't know how to cope.

He was shaky because it left him time to think. To feel and he didn't know how to do that. To survive. To be in a world without his sister.

He wondered about the menial things instead. If there was any pizza left over. A slice or two with a beer and then try to sleep. He was tired, he'd been tired for days.

Spinelli had probably finished it off though.

Hadn't stocked up on the pre-prepared meals in baggies and plastic containers that normally made up their diet. And Spinelli…

Spinelli refused to see the safety concerns over having the food delivered to the apartment instead of picking it out and picking it up themselves.

He'd go tomorrow…

He didn't have the energy to do anything else tonight. There had to be something in the freezer. Lulu's bagel bites or something…

"Stone Cold," he watched Spinelli fly at him before he even shut the door. "You're home, you're back," he bounced eagerly in front of him, narrowly avoiding hugging the older man. "Brenda's here," he pointed over his shoulder with both hands, "I'm gonna go hit up Kelly's, I'll be back, late, very very late. Uh bye!"

Spinelli was out the door as Brenda strode into Jason's view with a smirk.

"What did you do?" he asked as he felt his lips inexplicably twitching up.

"I out-talked him," she smiled.

He chuckled. "You would be capable of that."

"We were getting worried about you," she casually mentioned. She smiled and tried to play it off, "Spinelli more than me."

He smiled again before shaking his head, "I was at the warehouse."

"All day?"

"Last couple hours."

She nodded, "Anything you want to talk about?"

"Not really."

"We got Italian," she offered. "Greasy fatty carb loaded food," she offered with a smile.

"Sounds good," he nodded.

"The _Jackal," _she threw in a full body bob as she said fully enjoying the name, "said you've been cooking."

"Yea," he nodded. "We got a wok. Cut open a bag of food, throw it in."

She smiled and turned to him, "My kind of cooking."

-x-X-x-

"Is this all the same wine that Sonny gave you years ago?" she asked as she uncorked a bottle.

"I don't drink wine," he aptly explained.

"Yea well you're drinking it tonight," she explained as she grabbed two glasses.

"You sure the Quartermaines aren't missing you?" he ignored the clench of his gut over the name.

She frowned at him, "You just said you wanted to watch the movie." 

"Did I say otherwise?"

"You're an ass," she shook her head. "You should have more penne."

He looked down at his plate, "This is plenty."

"As in grab another fork," she clarified.

"Do you want a plate?"

"No I want a fork because you get freaked out when I use yours."

"I'll get you a plate," he said moving to the cabinet.

"I just want a few bites," she defended.

"So stop eating when you're full," he matter of factly explained it to her.

"How hard is it to share?"

"Why can't you eat from your own plate?"

"It's a waste of dishes."

"Dishes get dirty, they get cleaned."

"A waste of water," she said following him out of the kitchen as he basically ignored her.

"Then you shouldn't have put your dish in the sink before you were done with it."

"Why do you always have to be so difficult?"

"Me?"

"Oh don't you dare try putting this on me, who ordered dinner when your fridge was bare?"

"Two words Brenda, _my fridge_," he said as they sat down on the sofa.

"Hey my stuff is still in suitcases, I could be back here in twenty minutes," she threatened.

"You have suitcases?"

That shocked her back into the reality of the situation, "I had a few hours before my flight out…I dumped everything out of my drawers."

"You're not going back?"

"Probably not, I finished my job over there a few weeks ago," she shrugged.

"So what are we watching?" he asked as he saw her expression still not recovered from the reminder of why she was in Port Charles.

"Die Hard," she turned with a smile as she picked up the remote and leaned back onto the sofa.

The opening scene had just begun to roll when she turned to him with, "By the way, Sam looks waaaaay too much like Kevin's daughter. Kinda freaky."

* * *

**AN:**Sorry, couldn't help myself. :-P


	5. Falling Away

_"I am intrigued by seeing how you develop a real Brazen romance and leaving Liason in the dust, for good." _

**-Crap. Hmmmm did not think of that. It was a one shot. :-P Doesn't Brazen just develop? Isn't that as natural as breathing? And I mean Brenda v. Liz… Hmmm definitely have the end of Liason lined up even if Brazen doesn't manage to end it first. :-P **

**Oh man this first part is straight S&B love. I'm a firm believer in the present can't change the past though. **

**Umm hopefully you can tell where exactly I fall on the Liason front though by the last scene. I didn't even see the scene I kinda copy, yet I gagged reading it. :-P **

**Thanks for the reviews guys!!!**

* * *

**Falling Away **

**Kelly's:**

He remembered that joy that used to leap to his throat. That unexplainable bliss at just seeing her. It never got old. Waking in the morning and seeing her there. Peeking out of the shower to see her brushing her teeth. Her walking into the kitchen looking for breakfast.

It had never gotten old.

Even when they were supposed to be with others. Even when they weren't getting along _that first sight of her... _He was that nervous kid he'd been on their first date. So thrilled, so amazed.

It was still there.

She lit up seeing him, just as she always used to. The smile that always reached her eyes because just like he, she was always genuinely glad to see him in that first moment. The same as it had been the years they were together. Her face thinner, her eyes a bit wiser, her mouth showing signs of years spent smiling, but it was all still the same.

He forgot his children, didn't notice his nephew in her arms.

He just saw her smiling at him and over a decade vanished.

Her in Kelly's, him braving Ruby to see her…

Then the world started to seep back in, seeing his children run to her because they saw their cousin.

He smiled and said, "Hello," as she squatted to Morgan's height so he could greet his cousin properly.

She brightly smiled with a twinkle in her eye and told him, "Morning."

He had to turn away, quickly as he couldn't breathe, couldn't not embarrass himself in public over her. He tugged off his gloves and shoved them in his pockets before going to gingerly take off his coat.

"Let me help you with that son," Mike said from behind him.

"I've got it," he automatically refused.

"Fine," Mike said easily giving up, "just trying to save your thousand dollar shirt."

"Mike," he quickly snapped, knowing what exactly Mike had thought of his life for quite some time.

"What?" he innocently defended and turned back around to see his grandsons. "She looks good with that baby in her arms doesn't she?" Mike thoughtfully asked as Sonny turned, both of them now facing Brenda who was seated with Michael and Morgan hovering over Spencer.

"Why's Spencer here?" he ignored the question, because the simple truth was she did and seeing Spencer in her arms made it easy…too easy to imagine her with theirs.

"Leslie had some errands to run, didn't make sense for her to take Spencer out into the cold. So I told her we'd watch him."

"You roped Brenda into watching Spencer?"

"We had lunch, she's been here for a while catching me up. It's good to have her back. Phone calls and emails just aren't the same."

He hated his father for that. For getting to keep her when he didn't. For hearing stories about her life, hearing her laugh, _knowing you were the making her laugh…_

"Sonny don't you think it's about time?"

"Time for what?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about son, I understand why you left her, but it's been over a decade."

"Mike-" he curtly tried to silence his father.

"Join me for a cup of coffee Michael," he smiled and used his son's given name, something he didn't do much anymore. He had gained grandsons in the past decade, but somehow lost his children. His relationship so tenuous with Sonny before…It had slipped right away from him.

He followed his father to the counter for the simple reason that facing whatever Mike wanted to say would be easier than trying to figure out what to say to her.

"You love her Sonny," his father bluntly told him in a low voice over the counter. "You never stopped loving her, you never will. It was the same with me and your mother. She's still there Sonny. You still get to try. You're still young. A houseful of kids. Look at her," he nodded at the girl he had loved as daughter even when his own children hadn't liked him or known he existed. "She's meant to be a mother. All she needs to be happy is you and a few kids. She was willing to give it all up for you. She never needed more than just you, Sonny. You and the truth. Where are you ever going to find that?"

"Mike," he tried to cut in.

"Don't get me wrong, you know I love Carly, she's an excellent mother, but…" he shrugged his shoulders. "Brenda doesn't need anything else. No drama, no looking for the next adventure, the next big thing. Her family would be her big thing." Mike's head shook, "Boys fall in love with their mothers. Adela would have loved her. Your grandmother would have loved her. You don't fall in love like that twice Sonny. You don't get lucky enough for someone like Brenda to love you twice. It's still there Michael. She forgave you. She still loves you."

"Did she say that?" _damn he hadn't meant to ask that. _

"She didn't need to son. I saw it in her face, just like I saw it in yours. Same way you always looked at each other, same way I always looked at your mother."

"Stay out of it Mike," he ordered his father.

"Hey Mike," Brenda called out, "any chance we can get a round of chocolate shakes?"

He let out a loud chuckle, "Coming right up," he smiled over at her. "Think about what I said Michael," he ordered in a low voice before walking to the back.

"Ice cream?" Sonny asked with a smile walking over to the table. "It's freezing out there," his head cocked towards the outdoors. The boys had been meticulously outfitted in their winter jackets, hats and gloves before leaving the house, which were now casually draped over the backs of their chairs.

"It's never to cold for ice cream," Brenda smiled beating the boys to the punch.

"Yea Dad," the boys chimed in unison.

"When I say a round, I mean four Mike," Brenda loudly announced.

He let out a low mix of a smile and a laugh as his head dropped down. Brown eyes connected and the smile remained.

-x-X-x-

**Jason's Penthouse (Liz and Jason arriving):**

"What are you eating?" Jason asked with a frown not used to Spinelli eating something that wasn't out of a brown paper bag or something, he himself had purchased. _It looked like it came from the market._

"Gravlax, cucumber & jalapeño maki. Gravalax is a Swedish-"

"It's salmon that's been cured," he nodded, "buried in the ground. Where did you get it?"

"Stone Cold," Spinelli nodded pleased, "your cultural knowledge is most impressive. I wouldn't have taken you-"

Jason's head shook, "I thought I told you not to order online," he cut to the chase.

"I didn't, once more Persephone lives up to her name and brought with her a bountiful harvest this morning."

"Persephone?" Liz smiled, "That's a new one."

"Brenda," Jason quickly explained.

"Or as she prefers to be called _the slammin model, _which if she keeps bringing us food, I will willing call her, despite Persephone being more than just aesthetically pleasing," he nodded trying to gingerly lift the roll with his chopsticks. His entire body leaning forward nearly off the couch, his head lowering and twisting sideways as the chopsticks barely lifted a few inches off the plastic tray. "I got it, I got it," his mumbled through a full mouth, "did you see that?"

"Very nice Spinelli," Liz nodded with a smile.

"Brenda bought you sushi?"

"Groceries," Spinelli amended, still trying to swallow the whole bite.

"She bought us groceries?"

"Yea, she got a couple of those shrimp stir-fry's. Said she's coming over tomorrow for dinner and you're cooking. Also, you're not to touch her chocolate soufflé. She said if anything happened to it, it's my head," his eyes widened, "and I believe her."

Liz chuckled.

Jason shook his head and headed to the kitchen without saying a word.

"She also got your cereal Stone Cold. Apparently you're consistent in your choice of bland tasteless morning fiber," the not so subtle dig was ignored as Jason entered the kitchen.

Liz chuckled again, "Brenda been over a lot?"

He frowned thinking about it, "Yes, actually she has. Some longer visits than others. Yesterday's was immeasurable," he nodded again, "Thanksgiving was the only day she stayed away from the penthouse, but we gave our shared thanks at the Scorpios."

"Brenda was here yesterday?" she asked with a frown and a tilt of her head. _Jason had been with her…_

"Yes, several _very _long games of Go Fish, War and Crazy Eights. Fortunately Stone Cold eventually returned."

"How did she get that many groceries up here?" Jason asked walking out a swift pace.

"The guards helped her."

"Guards? There's only one watching the building," he said knowing Sonny had put someone on it. Citing Spinelli and Lulu's safety at the time.

"No Persephone's own personal guards."

"Brenda doesn't have any guards," all of Jason tensed and he was ready to reach for his phone to rectify that, hoping he wasn't too late.

"You sure about that Stone Cold? Perseph-"

"I think I'd know Spinelli," he said pulling out his phone.

"Jason," Liz took a step to close the distance between them, placing her hand on his forearm, "Jason."

It stopped him from dialing.

"She's fine. I just saw her a few hours ago at Kelly's when I was getting coffee. She was having lunch with Sonny and the boys."

That definitely stopped him from dialing.

"Oooh," Spinelli let out a soft groan, knowing what was coming.

"She was having lunch with Sonny?"

"I think so," she nodded, confused by Spinelli's reaction, "I mean I didn't notice if there was food on the table, but she was sitting with Sonny, Michael and Morgan. Michael was holding Spencer so I stopped by to say hi."

He nodded thinking about it for a moment, "I need to check-"

"Go right ahead," she nodded and gave a bemused frown looking over at Spinelli as Jason walked away.

"What was that about?" she asked once he was out of the room.

"You said the S-word."

"Sonny?" Liz questioned with a frown.

"Near the B-word," he nodded.

"Sonny and Brenda?" she once more questioned with a befuddled smile, trying to put it all together.

"Stone Cold is most adamant about there being no close proximity between the two."

"Sonny and Brenda?" she repeated with a shake of her head. "Why can't Sonny and Brenda be together?"

"I think it's a matter of how together they would be," he explained.

Liz laughed and shook her head, "What would be so wrong with that? It's Sonny and Brenda." _Funny how easily that fact stuck in her head. _They hadn't been together since she was a teenager.

"The Jackal has not ascertained the details yet," he said before going to try for another piece of sushi.

Liz shook her head once again, "You know I was there at their wedding," her gaze drifted away as she remembered, "it was so beautiful. Brenda looked amazing. Of course it would have turned out better if Sonny had turned up instead of Jason," she made a wry face and tried not to remember Lucky then. _Her Lucky. Her protector. Before Helena, before the jealousy, before Sarah, before…_

"Liz do you mind if we talk later?" Jason asked striding out of the kitchen.

"Uh, no," she shook her head, "that's fine. Is Brenda okay?"

"Yea," he nodded, "she's fine. But I need to go out." He needed to see Sonny. Find out why Sonny thought he had the right to have a guard on Brenda since she left Port Charles. Especially since when he had asked Jason about the possibility of it, it had been rejected because she hadn't wanted one.

"Its fine," she tried to be understanding as she shook her head.

"Are you sure? It can wait," he didn't want it to wait, but it could. He didn't want to be dealing with it at all.

"No, no. You go," she nodded, "I'll talk to you later."

"I'll stop by your place later," he nodded.

"Sounds good," she smiled. "I'll walk out with you." She turned back to Spinelli once more twisted in his attempt to reach his food, "Enjoy your lunch Spinelli," she smiled.

"Trying to," he desperately answered as he started to topple off the couch.

"He's crazy," she told Jason once they walked out the door and heard a loud thud behind them.

"I noticed," he nodded.

-x-X-x-

"What are you doing?" Jason demanded answers as he walked into Sonny's office.

"Paperwork," Sonny looked up, "unless you want to do it."

"I mean with Brenda," he firmly clarified.

"I don't know what you're talking about Jason," he shook his head.

"I mean the guards on her? Lunch?"

"She was at Kelly's Jason, the boys insisted she join us," he offhandedly replied and looked back down at the papers in front of him.

"The guards?"

"I know Zacchara's in the hospital, but I figured better safe than sorry."

"Yea," Jason nodded, "I'd understand that. I don't understand why you had a guard on her for the past four years." A guard for four years, upped to two by the time she had left the Penthouse to return to the Quartermaines her first night in town.

Sonny grimaced before looking up, "It was my call Jason."

"I told you no," his words allowed no give as it rose.

"She was a target Jason," Sonny's head slowly swung as he spoke. "My former fiancée, your former wife?"

"It wasn't your call," his voice didn't settle down.

"And what makes you think it was your call? I asked you to take care of her **when I couldn't."** Sonny harshly looked up, "She was supposed to be **my** wife."

"But she wasn't Sonny," he shook his head and glared at the man who had once been his best friend, he wasn't sure when they had stopped being so. _Carly, Courtney, Emily…_

"A matter of a couple signatures, two words? That's all that stood between us Jason. So don't think because you said those words, you" he head shook at the peculiarity of it, "filed some paperwork. That you're more qualified to make decisions on how to keep her safe."

"I listen to her," he retorted.

"And I loved her. Everything I did, I do is because of that love Jason and occasionally that means not listening to her and you're the one who taught me that."

"I want you to stay away from her," he ordered.

"Even if that were your call Jason, you don't need to worry about it. I'm with Kate remember?"

"Never stopped you before," he quickly replied reply with one final look at the person he barely recognized anymore.

-x-X-x-

**Liz's house (later that night):**

"Hey," Liz's bright smile greeted him, trusting, believing, expecting…

He forced a smile, despite how suddenly unsure he felt, "I hope this is a good time," he said noticing her slightly frazzled appearance.

"Uh, I was just about to give Cameron his bath before he gave me the slip," she smiled.

"I can wait," he nodded.

"Don't suppose you want to help me track down a 3 foot little speed demon do you?" she laughed. "Ugh," she groaned two seconds later as Jake started to cry. "Can you-" she turned to ask him.

"Yea," he nodded, "I'll go check on him."

"He shouldn't be hungry," she replied as she went to go chase after the little red blur moving across her living room, "he's probably just lonely."

-x-X-x-

She found him sitting with Jake in the rocker, studying his perfect little hands as the baby slept.

"Hey," she smiled softly.

He looked up, "He uh fell back asleep awhile ago. I should have probably put him back down."

"He looks happy where he is," she smiled leaning against the doorway. "Were you noticing how perfect his little fingers are?" she asked smiling brighter as she walked into the room and squatted next to Jason placing a hand on their son.

His head shook and he looked slightly uncomfortable, "I was thinking they looked like mine."

"Yea," she smiled and lifted a little hand between her fingers, "they do don't they?" She lovingly smiled up at him.

"I should put him down," he nodded again.

She frowned briefly in confusion, "Here," she said placing her hands around her son, "I've got him."

She turned back to a standing Jason after putting Jake in his crib. "Are you okay?" she smiled. Then her face fell and her head shook, "I mean aside from…" her eyes closed and she decided shutting up was the better option. "You looked preoccupied."

"I'm fine," he shook his head.

"Is this about Sonny and Brenda?" she frowned, not understanding why he had suddenly withdrawn, _yesterday…_

"We should uh," he nodded at the crib.

"Oh right," she shook her head. "And Cam's asleep next door."

-x-X-x-

"So what's going on," she asked with a shaky smile as they walked into the living room.

"I don't know," he shook his head, "you were the one that wanted to talk."

She smiled and shook her head at him, "I mean Sonny and Brenda."

"Nothing," he curtly shook his head again.

"For some reason I don't believe you," she quickly replied with a teasing smile.

"Its fine," he shook his head again.

"Okay," her mouth dropped into an impish smirk, "I'll let it go," she nodded, "this time."

He nodded, "Thank you."

"How is Brenda," she smiled and nodded, "I saw her at Em's…" her head shook, "how's she doing?"

"She's good," he nodded. "Uh, staying with the Quartermaines." He nodded again, "I think it's been a bit much."

"Well it's good that she has you," she smiled.

He just gave a quick smile.

_This wasn't right. _Her head shook, "Uh you know, I'm actually good now. I was panicking over Lucky, but I talked to Kate and I think everything's going to be fine."

"You sure?"

"Yea," she nodded again. "Do you want something to eat? Drink?" She closed her eyes in amused shame, "I pretty much have a full chocolate cake because Spinelli mentioned a chocolate soufflé."

"A full cake?" he questioned.

"You know," her eyes opened and she tried to defend herself, "it made sense when I was in the bakery."

He laughed before he shook his head, "I'm good."

"Are you sure? Have you eaten? I could make some-"

"I have a fridge full of food at my house."

"Oh," she nodded trying to hide the disappointment on her face. "Well I should let you go," she nodded, "have dinner."

"Sure there was nothing else you wanted to talk about?"

"No," she shook her head and placed another smile on her face, "that was it." She nodded again and walked to the door, "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Have a good night," he nodded.

"You too," she smiled.

She swallowed hard as she closed the door and gently shook her head, "I just wanted to tell you I think it's time we tell people Jake is your son," she took a shaky breath. "Guess not," she shook her head.

* * *

**Thanks for reading!!! (Oh and just so you know I totally watched J&B's wedding (and laughed my way through it) to prepare for the final chapter of Sanctuary and if ever I wonder why I love Brazen…. :-P **

**Man he's so alive with her, it's totally my next chapter. **


	6. Can’t Go Back, Yet Can’t Avoid

Seriously, I don't have an issue with Jax (well now I don't have an issue with Jax. S&B days, MAJOR issue with Jax), I adore him with Carly. I think they make a cute couple (or that just may be that I REALLY love LW's Carly, you could probably put her with a bag of flour and I'd be pleased). But well, I have left over feelings from the old days that I'm going to allow Brenda to share. :-P

**Oh and you guys KICK ASS! Those reviews for Sanctuary were beyond awesome! Like super cheesy smile and blushing (followed by rereading several dozen times). I just want to say thank you!!! Oh and yea thanks for reading this one too :-P **

* * *

**Can't Go Back, Yet Can't Avoid**

Maxie laughed walking with Brenda through Metro Court's lobby, having convinced the personification of what was cool since she was a little girl to check out the new stuff they had just gotten in stock after finally being honored by her cousin to join the 'big girls' lunch' a club she had wanted to belong to for as long as she could remember.

And Brenda was just as cool as she had been when she was a little girl. She was funny, she was smart and most importantly she was **not** a judgmental ass like most of Port Charles was. She missed her friends, she should have gone away to college, nothing seemed to fit anymore, not even when they came home on break. She no longer got them and they no longer got her. All she had was Coop and Georgie and considering one of them had been pissed off at her for months and the other was her sister and therefore stuck with her for life…

"Brenda," the Aussie's voice called after them.

Brenda's hand reached out and pulled Maxie in close to her as she realized they'd been caught.

"Mr. Jacks," Maxie nervously smiled as Brenda said nothing once her hot boss was upon them.

"Afternoon Maxie," he nodded, "mind giving Brenda and me a few minutes alone."

"No, not at," she shook her head.

"Yes she does," Brenda clamped Maxie's arm to her. "What do you want Jax?"

"A few minutes to talk Brenda," he glanced at Maxie, "alone."

"Jax, you humiliated me in front of all of our friends, she's already heard the worst…Oh no," she shook her head and made a face, "that's right. You tried to buy me off afterwards." She smiled brightly, "Well now she knows everything. What do you want Jax?"

"Brenda," he nodded at Maxie, "you're making her uncomfortable."

"Fine, but don't think I'm shopping after this," she released the young girl's hand.

"Brenda seriously you'll die when you see these shoes," Maxie stopped in her hasty retreat.

"Fine," Brenda made another face, "shoes, but that's it."

Maxie smiled and took off for the safety of her store.

"What do you want Jax?"

"Since when do you hang out with Maxie Jones?"

"Since shortly after Maxie Jones was potty trained and Robin used to baby-sit for her. Your turn," she sarcastically replied.

He sighed and shook his head, "What happened to the Brenda I used to know?"

"I'm gonna guess she was all in your head. Which really sucks because it makes more than a few years of my life look kind of pathetic," she brightly smiled at him, trying to hide how ticked off she still was to the others in the lobby.

"She wasn't in my head," he had no such concerns about those in the lobby, his crestfallen expression and pleas for the connection they once shared evident to all.

"Well then who you were was a lie in mine because the Jax I thought I loved wasn't the person I came home to."

"Did you ever really love me Brenda? Was I always just a stand in for Sonny?"

She shook her head, "Honestly Jax? I still don't know. But you wanna know something really pathetic? I actually wanted to marry you when I was walking down the aisle. Have kids, grow old, whole nine yards. I wasn't thinking about Sonny. I didn't want to be marrying Sonny, finally. I was finally ready to just be yours with no regrets. I wanted to be your wife."

"But you didn't love me," his words were simple.

"Don't think I didn't love you, Jax. Just because I couldn't love you the way you wanted me to love you, didn't mean I didn't love you. You chased after me. You married me when you knew I was in love with someone else. You pushed me after I'd been thinking I was dying for three full years, with a psycho who was making me sick so I'd stay with him, my mother trying to kill me, being on trial for murder…You pushed me into a wedding I wasn't ready for. So I try saying goodbye to my past, having some closure so I could be happy, completely and totally happy with you and you dump me in front of half of the town."

"Maybe I just thought that after a decade you'd finally be over the man who left you at the altar and you shouldn't need anymore closure," his voice a harsh accusing whisper.

She laughed, "Oh that's wise coming from you." Her head shook, "Sonny left me because he loved me. You left me because you never loved me because you could have never treated me the way you did if you ever had. All of our memories, our times together, my thoughts of you, my dreams for you when I was away, everything good about us, you crushed in that moment. I can look back on Sonny and smile because it was real. I look back on my time with you and I just feel foolish."

"Oh fair Persephone," Spinelli called as he stepped off the elevator, but a look of apprehension appeared as he realized who she was with.

She smiled, "Spinelli."

"Mr. Valkyrie," he nodded as he walked up to them, "I just saw the missus."

"I hope you weren't encouraging her any further," he curtly addressed the younger man, though slightly teasing.

"The Valkyrie needs no encouragement."

"So what are you up to now?" she asked with a smile, thankful for a save from the current train wreck of a conversation.

"I was going to retire to my room in order to recuperate in time for this evening's activities."

"Activities?" Jax inquired.

"None of your business Jax," she snapped. "I want to go to the bakery down the street. Want to join me? I'll buy you a scone or something."

"The Jackal might be tempted for a black and white cookie."

She smiled, "Deal and I'll let you pick out dessert for tonight."

"Sweet!" he rubbed his hands together.

"Dessert?" Jax once more questioned.

"Still none of your business. You can leave this conversation now since I never wanted to have it."

"Brenda, you're acting like a child. We used to be friends."

"Used to. Past tense. Not happening ever again."

"I would gladly be your escort Persephone, guard you against the perils of the street cracks and the rollerbladers that abound," he offered his arm.

She smiled, "Great, we just need to stop in and say goodbye to Maxie. Maybe pick up a pair of shoes," she said linking arms with him.

"Unfair you cannot revise the plans after they have been agreed upon," he objected as she dragged him away.

-x-X-x-

Jason's Kitchen: 

"Oh come on let me try," Brenda whined as her arms tried to reach around Jason's back.

"How many times do I need to tell you no?"

"Oh really when has you telling me not to doing something stopped me."

"Brenda I mean it, I'm serious. Stop it," he said as she continued about her task of getting in front of him.

"Let me try the wok and I will," she quickly countered.

"You said you wanted me to make dinner," he reminded.

"That's because I thought it would be work and that looks like fun," she struggled to get around him again.

"Will you stop it before one of us ends up in the hospital with second degree burns," he blocked the wok with his body.

"Oh stop being so melodramatic and let me try."

"Brenda do you remember the toaster oven?"

"Oh come on, you've never left the bread on top of it?"

"The bread would have been fine; it was the plastic bag the bread was in that wasn't."

"Stop being a baby and let me try."

"Go do something else."

"Well I would still have chocolate soufflé to eat, but someone decided to finish half of it on me."

"You were ruining your appetite."

"You ate more than I did!" her eyes widened.

"I'm bigger," he quickly explained.

"It was mine!"

"When does that ever stop you when something is mine?"

"You suck," was her very grown up response to that statement. "Now let me try."

A throat cleared.

"What do you want Spinelli?"

"Um, to inform you that…uh Fair Elizabeth has arrived," Spinelli sputtered out.

Jason turned for that as he hadn't before; knowing that any move would leave him vulnerable for one of Brenda's attacks and the hot oil splattering on him. His eyes widened as Liz looked on with interested eyes.

"Jason," she nodded, "Brenda."

Brenda's own eyes widened along with everyone else's as she realized the connection between Liz and Jason and resisted the urge to say, 'Holy crap.' "Hi," she smiled instead.

"Liz," Jason's head shook, "I wasn't expecting you."

"I can see," she gave him a teasing smirk.

"I was just making dinner," his head slightly nodded back at it.

"Which is going to burn unless you let me take over," Brenda informed him with a pleased smile, though totally more interested in the story playing out around her.

"Uh yea," he nodded again. "Spinelli watch her," he nodded at her.

"Will do Stone Cold," Spinelli saluted and bounded near Brenda.

"Is something up?" he asked in a low voice as he walked towards Liz.

"No," she shook her head, "actually I just wanted to give you this," she pulled a flyer out of her bag, "GH is having a memorial for Em."

"Yea," he nodded, but didn't take it, "Brenda and Spinelli already told me. I'm not gonna go."

"Jason," her voice lowered.

Brenda tapped Spinelli as she caught him looking back; he tapped her right back a moment later as she started doing the same.

"Monica-" he began.

"She's your mother Jason," Brenda spun, forgetting she wasn't part of their conversation.

His eyes closed seeking inner peace, "I'm not going to do that to her."

"Ja-"

"Oh Bodacious Brunette, your task?"

She frowned and turned.

"Just think about it Jason," Elizabeth pleaded.

"Fine," he nodded and took the piece of paper.

"Thank you," she tenderly nodded.

"We're about to have dinner do you want to join us?" he asked.

"Yea," Brenda said turning, "Georgie's here too. She's upstairs changing. Someone spilt a full glass of the orange soda, she so thoughtfully brought, all over her," she shot a look at Spinelli.

"Once more I was not aware of the close proximity," he defended.

"Uh no thanks. My Grams has the boys and-"

"Oh I saw Audrey and Sarah today, they stopped by the house once they got back into town."

"Oh Bo-" he began again.

"Yea yea, you do it," she handed off the spoon without even looking at Spinelli.

"Turn it off Spinelli, it should be done," Jason ordered.

"Yea they're really sorry they couldn't get a flight back in time," Liz's head shook.

"Yea," Brenda nodded as well, "she told us all about her fiancée's family in Phoenix and she was telling me how much she loves working down in the city…Which hospital again?"

" NYU Medical Center," Liz nodded.

"That's right," Brenda nodded back. "She seems like she's really happy."

"I think she is," Liz smiled back.

"Monica offered recommendations to the board when they're ready to settle down with kids in the suburbs," Brenda brightly smiled.

"Grams would adore that," Liz kept up the phony smile. "Speaking of Grams I should really get going, they're holding dinner for me."

"I'll walk you out," Jason nodded.

"Nice seeing you Liz!" Brenda smiled.

"Fondest farewell Fair Liz," Spinelli waved.

"Okay I think I got the soda out," Georgie announced opening the door, "who won the battle of Chocolate Hill?" She stopped quickly nearly atop of Liz, "Oh hey Elizabeth. I didn't know you were here."

"Yea," she nodded, "I just stopped by to give something to Jason."

"Oh okay," she nodded, "are you-"

"I'm on my way out now," Liz nodded again.

"Oh okay, have a good night."

-x-X-x-

"Persephone?" Spinelli called as Brenda placed her ear against the door.

"Shh," she waved a hand at him.

"What's going on?" Georgie questioned.

The Jackal quickly diverted his eyes from the Insightful One, "Uh nothing."

"Spinelli?" she questioned again.

"I have," he shook his head vehemently as Brenda rushed out the door, leaving them both to frown at it swinging.

"Oww," they heard Jason call out, "what the hell was that for?"

"What's going on?" Georgie demanded.

His shoulders lifted, "The sibling love between Stone Cold and Persephone can be quite caustic and immature at times?"

"You're so lying to me," she said shaking her head.

-x-X-x-

"What the hell was that for?"

"Liz?" Brenda demanded answers as Jason rubbed his arm. She didn't give him a chance to explain himself, "Your sister's best friend Liz? Lucky's wife, Elizabeth. Mother of **two** children, Liz?"

"Brenda," he began.

"Don't you dare lie to me, I'm a girl we see these things. She's married. She has kids. I thought that was just a one time-"

_Waaaay too much information got back to her_.

"This is only going to end badly and take it from someone with plenty of experience in the matter."

"Bren-"

Her head shook, her hand rose, "No," she shook her head again, "we'll talk about this later. Right now we need to focus on a couple with a future, that is if I can figure out how to get his blinders off. What is it with guys and blondes?" her head shook in disgust as she walked away.

* * *

**Orange soda…chicken soup. I guess I'll work a few things in from the ongoing storyline. Though ummm, those spoilers??? SOOOO not happening!!! **

**Thanks for reading!! **


	7. Changing Views

Dumb GH idiots! Oh and the Sam part is actually what I had wanted to write for the little JaSam snippet where she calls him out on their relationship (Speaking of which KM needs to ditch her current lipstick and get some body into her hair). I don't know if it exactly fits, but well, I had the urge to write it. :-P And once more dumb GH idiots!!!

So to sum up, first third weird in my opinion, I like middle (feel free not to) and the end is setting up for the change.

_Oh and the more shovels the merrier Mrs. Brenda Morgan. :-P_

* * *

**Changing Views**

The Penthouse (dinner):

She shrugged her shoulders in response to his not so innocent remark about her non-reaction to the guards as they sat around the table eating.

"That's it?" he asked with brows lifting.

"What do you want me to say?" she once more shrugged. "Called Mike, Mike called Sonny, Mike called me back and told me I wasn't about to be abducted," she shrugged her shoulders again.

"What about you-"

"Spinelli explain my taste in men," she pointed her fork at him.

"You mean your most unwise-"

"That's enough," another point of the fork, "and they occasionally carry my groceries. I just hang around by the car long enough for them to worry if something's wrong."

_The voice on the phone laughed, 'She was sitting on the trunk of her car until they came over and asked if everything was alright. Next thing they knew she was giving them bags.'_

"What unwise guys?"

She shook her head and looked away as she popped a piece of pepper into her mouth, "Guy that didn't really agree with me when I didn't think we should see each other anymore."

Jason scowled.

"Or ya know. My line of work. There was that one stalker and other really weird guy." She smiled, "Dickwad that cheated on me and then tried to explain it," she smiled a little brighter, "he ended up pinned up against a wall when he tried to corner me." She smirked, "I'm pretty sure he wet himself."

Jason sighed.

"You shouldn't ask unless you want to know," she casually remarked. "So who would like to know the purpose of this meal?"

_'What are you up to Brenda?' he cornered her. _

_'I don't know what you're talking about.'_

_'You just randomly thought you'd invite Georgie Jones to dinner?'_

_'I saw her,' she shrugged as brown eyes went wide, 'knew she was friends with Spinelli…'_

_'Brenda,' he ordered._

_'If I couldn't have told from his fashion sense and hair cut, the complete oblivious…ness of Georgie's feelings for him…He's as blind as a bat.'_

_'You know bats aren't really blind.'_

_'Don't get technical with me. That boy's all brains and no common sense. I'm just being a friend.'_

_'You haven't even known him a week,' he pointed out the obvious._

_'Georgie is Robin's little cousin.'_

_'Wouldn't Robin tell you to let Georgie do this on her own?'_

_She scowled at him, 'Yea well…' Her head shook and she smiled at him as she came up with a response, 'Seen Robin's track record with men?'_

_He frowned. _

_'Not like that,' she shook her head at him and walked towards the fridge, 'and she at least always picks hot guys. Mmmm,' she let out a dreamy smile, 'Patrick's hot and brilliant.' She pulled out a bottle of water, 'Point is-'_

_'Really? There's a point?'_

_'If Georgie is anything like Robin and I'm thinking she is…' she frowned over at Jason, 'actually I'm starting to see there's a weird similarity between the Jones sisters and me and Robin. Goodie two shoes versus the 'every bad decision to be made will be made' girls.'_

_'Brenda-' he nudged her thought process along._

_'Oh right, Georgie'll be old and gray by the time she gets around to telling Spinelli she likes him.'_

_'It's her thing to tell,' he reminded._

_'No,' she shook her head, 'it's for Spinelli to notice, if the girl puts it any more out there…' She nearly slammed the water bottle at his face as she pointed it at him, 'He's blinded by the blonde. It's pathetic, but it's common. Guys seem to lose all common sense when they see a hot blonde.' _

_'Do you hate Lulu because she's a blonde?'_

_'I've got no issue with Lulu, she's a very nice girl. It's Spinelli I think is the idiot.'_

"I thought you putting me to work was the point?" he questioned, playing along with her game and hoping she didn't decide to spill Georgie's crush over the kitchen table.

"It was," she smiled, "till I got a real purpose."

"Umm," Georgie animatedly played along, she shot out two fingers at Brenda, "you used Maxie's discount to get 200 dollars off a pair of shoes," she smiled.

"Uhhh," she smiled and shot back, "not quite. Second best news of the day though."

"Two hundred dollars off, Brenda? What you spend on a single pair of shoes-"

"Yea yea, could feed a small African village. Just be glad you aren't paying for them anymore," she ignored him with a wave of her hand.

"She makes a valid point Stone Cold," Spinelli commented, then quickly shut up with the look Jason gave him.

Georgie chuckled, "So what's better than the, 'seriously to die for shoes,'" she air quoted, "Maxie is planning on stealing."

"Me getting a job."

"Like a real job?" Georgie frowned.

Jason frowned for that too.

Brenda hit him, "You know if I wanted a boring nine to five job, I could get one and I'd be damn good at it."

Jason smirked at her, "So what's your job?"

"You know what I do, is a real job," she shook her head, ignoring him, "I mean I have to bust my ass at the gym, I have to stand in freezing oceans, I have to learn countless lines-"

"Oh my god," Georgie squealed, "you got a role on that new show they're going to be shooting in Smithtown."

Brenda beamed, "You are looking at Charlotte Rich, former Miss Popularity in high school. Narcastic, miserable bitch now."

"Oh my god," Georgie leapt to her feet, "Joe Parker is going to be on that show. Maxie and I love him! We had such a crush on him when we were younger…Okay, we still do." She continued bouncing before pulling Brenda up into a hug, "This is so amazing, you're going to be so amazing. Oh my god he is so amazing."

"I have no idea what they're talking about," Jason admitted to Spinelli.

"**Don't Go Forth**, is an attempt to capitalize on the limited success they've had reuinting Generation X characters with their high school classmates and exploring the changing dynamic and what remains static."

Brenda and Georgie both frowned down from start to end of his explanation.

"Though," he nodded vigorously trying to appease them, "it is the most intelligent of the group in terms of its…Its name was taken from Russell Baker's commencement speech, where he told the class-"

"Whatever you do, don't go forth," Brenda supplied, "it's about a group of people who did just that. Everyone's just frozen in their lives and they're starting to crack."

"With of course the obligatory friend who had left, but returns," Spinelli retorted. "Though I'm sure you will-" he tried to back track.

She raised a hand, "Too late."

"And this is filming in Smithtown?"

"Yup 45 minutes away and they'll send a car for me on the days I have to be in early."

"So you're staying?"

Her head cocked at him, "Try not to look so thrilled Jason."

"Screw them," Georgie once more pulled her into another hug, "I'm beyond ecstatic."

"Thank you."

"I'm happy," Jason crisply replied.

"The Jackal as well," Spinelli nodded.

"I thought everyone was already cast," Georgie's head shook, still hyped on the information, but trying to process it.

"They were. I'd actually been offered the role, but when I auditioned for it, my character was supposed to commit suicide three episodes in, but then they decided to keep her and I wasn't ready to commit to moving back here, so when they heard I was in town, they let my agent know the girl they cast in the role had been let go."

"So you got the job," Georgie squealed again, clasping Brenda's hands as she jumped up and down. "Oh my god this is so amazing, I have to go call Maxie," she said taking off, out of the kitchen."

"I for one look forward to the continued spring," Spinelli nodded before returning to his meal.

"That means he's glad I'm staying right?" she asked Jason as she dropped to her seat.

"I think so."

"Thanks," she smiled over at Spinelli, who looked up with a mouth full of food.

"So what made you decide to stay?" Jason asked.

She shook her head, she'd known she was going to stay awhile when she returned, but found herself shocked as the word, 'Yes' greeted her agent's question, _awhile_ was vastly different from _indefinitely_, "This is home. I guess I just finally realized, I've been looking everywhere for what I have here." She shrugged and took a sip of her wine, staring at the fridge instead of her dinner companions, "I was missing my life searching for it."

"That is most profound Persephone," Spinelli said looking up from his plate.

She smiled and looked over at him, "Let me tell you something Spinelli, nearly everything you truly want or need is right in front of you. We're just too dumb to notice, programmed to think we want or need that sparkly dream, and it might even be great for a second, then we see another sparkle even farther away."

_'She's gonna screw up Jason,' Sam shouted after him. _

_He turned back quickly, hoping to shut her up before anyone heard her and put two and two together. _

_'Sam,' the one word harshly slid off his tongue. _

_'No,' she shook her head, but keeping her voice low once he was close, 'I'm telling you this because I loved you once and you need to hear it. **She is going to screw up**.' _

_His head shook in a mix of bitter amusement and annoyance. _

_'She is going to do something desperate and selfish and you're gonna hate her. You're going to be disgusted; you're going to look at her how you look at me. How you looked at Robin, at Carly...'_

_His head shook. _

_'She is going to do something idiotic because she loves you more than life itself and it's going to erase everything. You've spent years saving her, letting her save you…Just like everyone else. Do you really think she's not going to screw up?'_

_'You don't-'_

_'What Jason?' she shook her head, 'Know what I'm talking about?' Brown eyes welled up with tears, 'Yea I do. Because **I**lived it. I watched you love and adore me and I thought I was the only one for you. But I wasn't. I wasn't the first and she won't be the last. There'll be another girl for you to save, one that desperately needs you, let's you be her hero and pins all of her dreams on you and Liz will be another mistake. Even your marriage to the saintly Courtney was over before it began because she loved you so much she had to try to save you, even when you didn't need it.' Her head shook bitterly, 'I don't think you even know what love is Jason.'_

_He said nothing._

_'I think that someone needing you, gives you a purpose and you really believe it's love, but it's not and when they're finally human; can't be put in that damsel in distress category anymore you don't know what to do.' Her head shook again, 'And it's easier to just try again. You loved Robin completely, then you loved Carly completely, then Courtney, then me and now Liz? That's not real Jason. You don't love like that. Love isn't dependent on all the things you need it to be. It doesn't need to give you a purpose. **It just is** and it doesn't go away when someone screws up. It hurts, but it's still there.' _

_'Are you done?'_

_'Yea,' her head bobbed, 'I am so done.'_

_'Then bye Sam,' he curtly nodded and walked away. _

"Then one day you realize you've missed everything that matters," Brenda shook her head with a bittersweet smile on her lips, her intended lecture aimed at him and Georgie, only to realize, she was suddenly talking about her life.

"But without dreams," Spinelli countered.

"They're just dreams, they're great, but at the end of the day, what you have in that moment," she shrugged, "that's it."

"Without dreams," Spinelli once more tried to make his point.

"I think what she's saying Spinelli," Jason interjected, "Is that you shouldn't be so caught up in your dreams that you don't see what you already have." He could see the pleased smile out of the corner of his eye.

"Oh my god, I think Maxie's still screaming," Georgie said walking back into the kitchen, "I think I'm deaf," she rubbed her ear. "She's pretty much offered to be your slave if she can come with you to the set," she nodded, "and if that's possible, I'd like to get in on that."

Brenda laughed, "I'm sure that can be arranged."

Georgie beamed, "So what did I miss?" she asked returning to here seat.

"Persephone and Stone cold teaching the eager Grasshopper-"

"Oh really?" She smiled and looked at them, "How to bicker 101?"

"We do so not bicker," her mouth agape in outrage.

Jason laughed, "Not really bicker. She tells me how I'm wrong, then I correctly tell her how she's wrong."

"Please _correctly_, you're right like one out of a hundred times," she said turning to him.

"No that's just when I don't give in because it's the only way to get you to be quiet."

"Oh really? You're doing it just to shut me up? Well then let me mention your hair? What the hell is going on up here?" she flicked up a long dark lock

He batted away her hand, "What's wrong with my hair?"

"Well I'm either going to put in blonde highlights when you sleep and start calling you, _Bro_," she gave him a hang ten sign. "Or blonde highlights, a little product," she ruffled his hair and he once more batted her away, "and put you in a jewel toned suit and send you back to the nineties."

Georgie and Spinelli both laughed.

"I mean what the hell is this?" she ruffled his hair again, "it does nothing for you. It's making you look like a bland grease monkey."

"Maybe that's the look I'm going for," he held her hand before she could do her next ruffle.

"No this is lazy Jason, old Jason used to maintain his style, used to flip up the front of his hair, get high-"

"That was one time."

"You had highlights?" Daniel-san asked Mr.Miyagi.

"Aww that's right," Georgie tenderly remembered, "you got them in your bangs or whatever that stand up area was. That was so cute."

He frowned.

"See," Brenda waved a hand at Georgie. "It was cute, this is," she tried to pull her hands away.

"My hair," he reminded still clutching her hands.

"Fine you don't want to be hot anymore that's your opinion," she innocently remarked with a shrug.

"I'm fine with how I look. Can I get back to eating dinner now?"

"Who's stopping you?"

"I mean it, no more with my hair," he ordered before letting go of her hands.

"Promise," she lifted her hands with her vow. She even took a half sip of her wine before seeing Jason return to his food and she dove at him again.

-x-X-x-

"How do you think I'd look with highlights?" they heard Spinelli ask Georgie as they were walking out of the kitchen.

Brenda silently laughed seeing Jason flinch. "Thank you," she nodded a moment later as she sorted through a stack of dvds.

He waited.

"For backing me up on the whole Georgie-Spinelli thing," she explained.

"Yea well I figured it was wiser to shut you up both up before you told him what he was missing."

"Come on admit it," she nudged him with her shoulder, "they're a good couple."

"Georgie's good for him," he nodded in a slight concession, "she keeps him out of trouble."

"Don't forget she has the patience of a saint," she nodded with a smirk as she picked out a dvd to read its back.

-x-X-x-

"Brenda and Jason?" Georgie deadpanned and stopped her task of loading the dishwasher.

"I know," Spinelli's eyes widened, "that was my reaction too." He put down the glasses he had carried over onto the counter, "At first I was positive yes, then vehemently no, but if you heard her at the table. Talking about being so wrapped up in her dreams that you miss what's in front of you. And the smile she gave Stone Cold when he backed her up on it, actually her entire expression as Stone Cold spoke…"

"I think you've lost your mind, I mean half the time I'm pretty sure Brenda and Jason can't stand each other."

"The Jackal does not doubt that, but as the song and several philosophers have pondered, the line between love and hate, it is not a thick one."

"You're crazy, if only for the simple reason that Brenda is Robin's best friend, Jason is Sonny's."

"Perhaps that is what keeps them apart, they are both fiercely loyal. However Persephone's devotion is no longer to Hades, she has-" he stopped and vigorously pondered this simile.

"Trying to figure out who Jason is in relation to Hades?" she sympathetically offered.

"Charon while he transports those to the afterlife, may be," he nodded, not daring to say exact the words, especially to the police commissioners daughter, "it is too mindless for Stone Cold."

"Guessing, Jason also can't be a dog."

His eyes widened, "Most definitely not."

She frowned, "Oooh what about Poseidon, Hades' brother."

"Delivers punishment on those who are unjust," his eyes widened and he pointed.

"And they're normally warriors," she smiled.

"That may be a-"

"Oooh," she clapped her hands, "their plane crashed in an ocean and Jason swam her to shore."

"A most fitting name for Stone Cold," he nodded.

"So Persephone has a thing for Poseidon?" she pondered it again. She tilted her head at him, "Does Poseidon have a thing for Persephone?"

"Poseidon certainly acts strangely around Persephone," his face skewed.

"He did let her ruffle his hair," she nodded.

"The wok was certainly a first for Stone Cold," he added

"And the Battle of Chocolate Hill," she pointed.

He paused for a moment staring at her, "The room, I would understand, but they hugged."

"They hugged?" she wondered what was so shocking about that, they guy's sister had just died.

"I came downstairs, Persephone's arms were around him, she had her head on his shoulder; they appeared to be comfortable."

"Awww," her head tilted in envy and plain old girliness.

"There was also a 'The Bodyguard' moment when we were at the Godfather's. He automatically went to lift her up into his arms and when she started to freak out she ran away from Sonny and went to Jason."

"Oh god," Georgie said as the meaning behind the stories and names finally hit her, "Brenda and Jason like each other," she nearly collapsed into a chair.

"Uh Normally Wise One?" he prodded a moment later as he realized she was still sitting there dumbfounded.

"I don't understand how you can possibly want popcorn, when we just finished eating," Jason said following Brenda into the kitchen, shooting Spinelli an odd look as he saw the younger man jump.

"It's a girl thing; you watch a movie you eat," Brenda shrugged walking to the cabinet she had unloaded the popcorn into.

"You just finished-"

"Whatever Jason, I'm gonna want it eventually and I'm either gonna end up suffering without, have to pause the movie or nag you into making it," she said opening the box. Georgie followed Brenda's motions with an open mouth. "Will you just get the water?"

He shook his head and headed towards the fridge.

"Are you guys alright?" she asked turning back from the microwave a few moments later realizing they hadn't moved or said anything.

"Oh yea," Georgie creaked out with still shocked eyes, "we're peachy."

Brenda frowned obviously disbelieving them, but shrugged it away.

**-x-x-X-x-x-X-x-x-X-x-x- X-x-x- X-x-x- X-x-x-**

"I did what you as-" Trevor Lansing harshly pointed out into the phone.

"Yes, you did and I thank you for that. Yes, quite exemplarily."

"Yet, Corinthos-"

"Ah you're getting impatient," she drawled into the phone.

"Damn right I'm getting impatient; it's nearly been a year!"

"If you were so impatient, then you should have simply shot him."

"You know I have no interest in Corinthos-"

"Oh that's right. You wanted him to suffer."

"I want him destroyed."

"That has been our plan from the start," she agreed.

"He doesn't seem to be suffering much."

"These deaths have been nothing, you know our-"

"Yes, the plan lies with Jason," he quickly supplied, "yet there has been no-"

"My sources tell me there has been friction," she calmly informed him.

"His sister's dead because of Corinthos and he still-"

She was getting annoyed, "Miss Barrett is back in town is she not?"

"The ex," he said wondering where she was going with this.

"She has been a source of considerable friction between the two. If you wish to speed up the process-"

"I thought we agreed to let the text-"

She let out a low groan, "Really must I come up with everything?"

"Well how else do you want it to be connected back to-"

"There's a price on her head," she informed him.

"Rivera," Trevor quickly replied.

"Yes, exactly. If they are together she dies."

"But they-"

She sighed this time, "Jason has warned Sonny repeatedly to stay away from her, if something were to…almost happen to her."

"Why almost?"

"I have no qualms with the girl and she may even prove to be useful."

"A good reminder for Jason over what he risks to remain in his partnership with Sonny," he suggested.

"Yes and I don't think he'll let it happen again."

"What guarantees-"

"With everyday, he takes a step farther from Mr. Corinthos."

He laughed, "Don't you mean every shake."

She let out a soft chuckle, "When it starts, the change will be rapid and Jason will see how much he's lost because of your near-step-son."

"He's nothing without Jason."

"I wouldn't be quite so harsh; however he will be significantly weakened." She smirked to herself, "Now about Miss Barrett…" She smiled to herself and the blonde bob gently swung in anticipation.

* * *

_Thanks for reading!!! And the great reviews last time!! You guys did get who that character was supposed to be at the end? And do pay careful attention to the word, 'Shake,' you'll see what I'm talking about soon._

**Responses and Ramblings:**

sabina123 - 'they had a food fight with the chocolate soufflé.'

Okay yea, definitely have to have a full fledged food fight and not just a fork fight now. Hmmm what's better than plain ol' Jase? Food covered Jase. :-P

Sane Psycho - 'now by those spoilers you do mean the event that is to transpire a week from tomorrow right...'

Ooh is that the date I need to avoid? Man I think they should just post the three days a years it's safe to watch an ABC soap. Dumb ABC folks need to turn on a CBS soap every once in awhile (which is sad since they always start off with characters that have SOOO much more potential and are interesting to watch). They get higher ratings and rarely kill off beloved characters from core families. They actually use their brains to develop…Eagad! Storylines!!! Geez was the last good storyline death on GH Stone? Oh wait, no Lily. I did like it when they off-ed Lily. :-D

We should take bets on how fast they'll screw up SB's return. Ugh…They're gonna put her with Sonny aren't they? Oh man or worse have her be the Brenda replacement, who can see them doing something as stupid as that. :-P


	8. Unaware

So Maxie totally kicked ass at best grieving relative/friend that we've had this year (and we've had a lot). I was totally sobbing. Oh yea Dillon and Spinelli pretty damn good too. Ummm Robin….Hmmm guess she really is getting used to this death thing.

Thank god Felicia finally showed emotion, took long enough.

* * *

**Unaware**

There was a knock on the frame of the door Jason hadn't gotten around to closing.

"Uh Stone Cold?" the hesitant voice called out, wary after many a warning to not intrude on Stone Cold's personal space. However, Persephone's support of his suggestion had propelled the Unbudgable into action; she was a strength the Jackal would have to learn to harness. For she was a power that could easily be beneficial or detrimental to the Jackal's happiness factor.

Jason walked out of the bathroom with a frown and a towel drying his face.

"I uh," he lifted a piece of yellow paper as a white flag, "I made a list of suggestions and things to look for when you and Persphone are-"

"Spinelli, I think I can manage to buy a tv and surround sound on my own," his eyes rolled.

"Yes, but when-"

"Spinelli," he stopped him, "how do you think I got my old tv?"

"Yes, that's exactly my-"

"Three years ago, it was top of the line."

"But-"

"I can rebuild an engine on my own," he pointed out.

"Yes, but there is a much more delicate balance-"

"I performed a tracheotomy on Nikolas on the sidewalk in front of Luke's."

Spinelli didn't even blink, he physically couldn't, his eye lids had lifted so far, he wasn't sure they would ever fall.

"I think I can manage to pick out a new tv."

"A. Uh." Spinelli made a tapping motion on his throat. He swallowed hard, "You are definitely the protector to have."

He tensed over that. "Anything else?" he curtly asked.

"Uh no that is…Night Stone Cold," he nodded and began to walk away, "Fair Persephone knows of the Maternal One?" he asked turning back.

"She thinks that there's something going on," he admitted.

"But not of Little Stone Cold?"

"No and you're not going to tell her," Jason quickly informed the younger man.

"I do not tell Persephone a great deal of information that she quickly figures out," he pointed out.

"Spinelli, I'm warning you."

His hands rose in innocence, "Fair Persephone will not hear of it from me, however if she were to see you and the progeny together, I fear she would deduce the truth quickly." Daunted, but not deterred by the glare in Jason's eyes, he continued, "You are quite paternal when it comes to the Wee One."

"Too many people already know about Jake," Jason told him.

"Persephone would never do anything-"

"Brenda has a tendency of doing what she thinks is right, regardless of what I tell her," Jason quickly stopped the other man.

"Fair Persephone would not be wrong in-"

"It's better this way-"

"Better for who exactly," he walked into the room, "the way I see it, you are only punishing yourself and the Maternal One, who at the moment I fear is very confused by tonight's events."

"I noticed," he acknowledged with a brief tilt of his head.

"Truthfully Stone Cold, she's not alone, the relationship between you and Fair Per-"

"There's no relationship between us," he quickly cut the other man off.

"I must tell you, Stone Cold, despite hearing those words from yourself and the former Mrs. Stone Cold."

Jason's eyes rolled back.

"Your actions do not quite coincide with them," he continued on.

"What are you talking about Spinelli?"

"You and the former Missus," he apprehensively bounced from one foot to the other, "more closely resemble little kids that uh like each other."

His head tilted, his brows lifted, just barely keeping himself from laughing at the kid.

"The uh, name calling, the hitting…"

Jason finally laughed, "You think we," he waved his hand, "you think we like each other because we don't get along."

"No no," Spinelli vehemently shook his head, "you get along quite well. That's just the thing," he frowned.

"Now I'm confused," Jason cocked his head, wondering when this conversation, this day, this week, would end.

"You seem happy with her, relaxed, you show a side, one rarely sees-"

"What are you talking about?" Jason shook his head at him.

"You really don't see it," Spinelli's eyes widened in shock.

"Brenda and I do not like each other," he reiterated.

"You sure?"

"**Yes**," Jason's eyes went wide in shock and his mouth remained open.

"Stone Cold," he softly began as if talking to someone slow, "you kept her room the same for three years, four if you consider the fact that you refused to allow me to throw anything of hers away."

"Hers Spinelli, not mine, not yours."

"Her room?"

"I wanted her to always have a place to come back to," he quickly explained.

"Doesn't she have that with the Quartermaines?"

"You don't know them," Jason shook his head.

_Spaghetti…Vengeance would be his one day._ "Persephone does and she seems to consider them her family," Spinelli offered.

"They're my family and I had to leave," Jason countered.

"You retained the relationship your former persona had with Persephone?"

His brow narrowed in thought, "I don't know. They were friends."

"As you and Persephone are friends," the Jackal sought his prey.

"I don't really know Spinelli," he shook his head.

"When asked about the difference between Stone Cold and the Golden Boy, Persephone said that everything of importance was static."

"The Golden Boy?" Jason questioned.

"That was Persephone," he shook his head, "we discussed if it must have been harder for you then or now. Your family has always expected a great deal from you. Before though you were-"

"Perfect."

"At least in their eyes. It must have been tragic to fail before," he shook his head again.

"He didn't," he didn't mean it, he didn't know it, but he repeated it. Every word ever spoken about him, every comparison, every look for not being the person they wanted.

"Just the act of getting in the car with an intoxicated driver-"

"Heroic in their eyes."

"How can an act guaranteed to fail be heroic? Perhaps if he had tackled-"

"I don't know Spinelli, maybe he decided if his brother was going to die, then he was going to die with him."

"Maybe the Golden Boy did not think, he instead felt."

"I don't know," he shook his head, not enjoying this discussion.

"Much like you, Stone Cold. You simply know what is right and what is wrong. You stay in times of peril; you go forth in a fire, when logic dictates otherwise you go forth. Living with the consequences of not acting far greater than that of injury or death."

"Spinelli," Jason's firm voice cut him off, "is there a point to this?"

His eyes went wide again and it took a moment for him to recover, "Uh, no, I uh. I was trying to understand the-" he waved his hand, "I don't know. The implications, the possibilities of such a great change, however it appears to be only on the surface, so to understand the-"

"Spinelli," Jason's firm voice, a headache emerging.

"Why there is such a varying degree in how they treat you," he shook his head.

"Because they're human Spinelli," he quickly answered the question.

"Ah," he said with awareness, "right."

"You can't neatly label people into categories."

"As in you and Persephone?"

"As in me and Brenda," he nodded.

"You've remained family," Spinelli questioned.

"I guess so," he admitted.

"That's most profound, the level of connection that can remain. Persephone has been gone many years and the family member she regards as her own, no longer regards you as such."

_Edward._

"Your lives have rarely been entwined in comparis…" he shook his head, "I wonder if it is the connection from before, which she will not allow to extinguish or time you've-"

"Enough," Jason shook his head, "I'm getting a headache. Brenda and I are friends, why…I have no idea, but we're _just_ friends. And you're not to tell her about Jake."

"Fine," Spinelli frowned and turned, he quickly turned back.

Jason groaned, "What now?"

"Just may I impart this slight detail on you. As someone who has loved you through two personas, remained your friend and your family throughout them, perhaps you should not dismiss her opinion on the matter so easily."

"Out!"

-x-X-x-

"I've been thinking I should accompany you to the…" he grimaced a bit, "gym."

"What?" Jason's eyebrows lifted, unsure of if he was more worried about having to deal with Spinelli at the gym or amused at the humor in Spinelli suggesting it.

"Well studies have long found the effects of strength training crucial to good health across one's life."

He kept looking at the other man.

"So I was thinking-"

"Is this because of Lulu?"

"The Blonde One?" he asked looking over at the cabinets. "What would make you think that the Jackal's interest in his health-"

Jason kept looking at him.

"Perhaps Fair Lulu does prefer those of the 'No Neck' variety, but even if the Jackal wished to obtain-"

"Spinelli do you really want to be with someone that you need to change for?"

"Not change Stone Cold," he bounded towards his friend, "a betterment. Improving the Jackal's health can never be a detriment."

Jason shook his head.

"Perhaps we could start small, maybe I could join you for a shake afterwards," he nodded at the glass in Jason's hand.

"Spinelli, you drink this without working out, it's not going to be the look you're going for," he referred to the protein shake he drank after working out.

"Is protein not crucial in-"

"Calories and fat," Jason stopped the other man.

"Oh," he stopped and frowned again.

"Spinelli if you're serious about getting into shape there isn't a quick fix."

He continued to frown.

"If you're really serious…" Jason took pity on his young friend.

"I am," he looked up with eager puppy dog eyes.

"You can meet me after my workout-"

"You'll train me?" he questioned with boundless enthusiasm.

Jason flinched slightly, "I'll get you started."

"Oh you will not regret this Stone Cold," a quick pound on Jason's arm, quickly removed as he realized what he had done.

"Please don't make me."

"I will not let you down Stone Cold," he vigorously nodded. "Is there anything I should do to prepare?"

"What would you-" he stopped himself, "why don't you see if Georgie wants to go for a walk with you?"

"A walk?" he frowned.

"Cardio, you need to build up your endurance."

"But I do not wish to run from a fight-"

"Trust me Spinelli, you always want that to be an option."

"Trust you on what?" Brenda asked walking into the kitchen.

"How'd you get in here?" Jason frowned.

She dangled a key as she smiled, "Spinelli gave it to me yesterday."

He frowned over at Spinelli.

"I swear," he leapt towards the key, which Brenda quickly moved out of his grasp, "it was just so she would not disturb the Jackal's," he tried to grab the key again, "slumber. The Jackal does not function well without a good-" he tried to grab it again, "You were going to the gym and-" another failed leap at it.

"Brenda," Jason curtly stopped her.

"What?" she looked over with a devilish gleam in her eyes as she smiled, but still managed to move the keys out of Spinelli's grasp.

"Stone Cold-" Spinelli turned for help.

"Just let her keep them," he shook his head in indifference.

She smiled.

"Do you still have those workout videos with all that bouncing?"

"Oooh," she hopped back into a defensive position let out a quick jab, "tae bo?"

"Yea, maybe you should try that first," he nodded at Spinelli.

"I'm missing something aren't I?" she asked with a frown.

"Mr. Miyagi is going to train Daniel-san," he bowed towards Jason.

Brenda snickered, "Guy from Happy Days."

Spinelli turned and glared at Brenda, "You are most un-enjoyable this morning."

Jason smirked.

"Sorry," she shrugged unapologetically, "turns out I can only entertain on of you at a time. What are we talking about?"

"Spinelli's going to go to the gym with me."

"It's going to be great," Spinelli earnestly clapped his hands.

Brenda made a face, "Why is it guys always like working out? Girls groan, guys clap." She shook her head, "You guys are freaks."

"Persephone, you sound bitter."

She frowned, "Monica's trainer tried to kill me this morning," she frowned once more at her word choice.

"You of course," Spinelli nodded, "your body is your livelihood."

"Yea," she nodded, "that never fails to make me sound like a prostitute."

"I uh-" he shook his head, "the Jackal meant no-"

"Spinelli, she's messing with you," Jason quickly stopped the other man's stumblings.

"Oh uh…Once more today, not funny," he nodded at her.

"He's smiling," she smirked over at Jason.

"Please tell me Stone Cold she does not frequent our gym."

"Mine's a little more exclusive," she smirked, "only he has the cred to get in," she nodded at Jason.

Spinelli frowned, "But the Jackal surely has more cred that the Good Doctor."

"She means it's at the house."

"Oh," he nodded, "I was not aware the Quartermaines had an in-house place of fitness."

She suddenly wistfully smiled, her smile quickly fell as she came back to reality, "It used to be a popular place," she shrugged. "So we going shopping or what?"

"Yea," Jason nodded taking the final sip of his shake. "You ready?" he nodded as he turned back.

"Yea," she nodded, "you coming with us?" she asked Spinelli.

"You would like the-" he began with joy.

"Weren't you going to see if Georgie wanted to go for a walk?" Jason asked.

"Really?" Brenda smiled, "A walk?"

"Uh yes," he frowned over at Jason, "Stone Cold has decided I should build up my stamina. However it is quite cold out."

"It'll be good for you," he said walking away, quickly patting Spinelli on the back, encouraging and dismissing all in one pat.

"But I could be of-" he began but then frowned as Jason's hand quickly latched onto Brenda's arm, spinning her body and pulling her along with him.

"Assistance," he muttered.

-x-X-x-

"Geez Jason, wanna be alone with me that bad? What's Liz gonna think?" she joked as soon as he pressed the down button on the elevator.

"No more Spinelli time," he ordered.

She laughed. "Me or you?"

"Either. And stop with this Liz stuff. Nothing's going on between us."

"Please-" she shook her head.

"Not you too."

"Who else sees it?"

"No, Spinelli thinks we're-" he gestured between them.

"What?" she asked squinting copying his hand motions.

He gave her a look.

She frowned once more, "Eww. What? Are you serious?"

"Yes," he said once more pulling her arm as she made no motion to enter the open elevator.

"You and me?" she nodded, still with a displeased look.

"That was my reaction."

"Hey," she frowned now at him, "you'd be lucky to have me. And if the thought of it wasn't so…" she waved her hands.

"Gross?"

She turned and frowned again.

"You said eww first."

"Well I'm allowed to say it," she knowingly told him.

"Whatever."

"It is though," she nodded.

"Yea."

"You and me though?" she turned back to him.

"Yea," he shook his head, "I don't understand it either."

"He's projecting," she decided with a smile as she turned with a smile to the opening doors. "This is all because of Georgie," she announced leaving him to follow her out into the garage.

* * *

**Hehe LONG RAMBLE…. Just my thoughts on what I was just told about SB's return. **

"As for SB's return latest rumor has it she's supposed to be AZ's daughter(but didn't Johnny make it clear he was an only child) who supposedly had a 'fling' with Ric and may or may not be Spinelli's mom"

Oh wow. They're REALLY going to screw this up then. I mean two really good actors, put together on GH. Oh man is it going to be screwed up!!!

(Hmm this also makes me feel better about wanting to make Cooper, Brenda's kid. I swear I originally wanted him to turn out to be the product of Harlan's affair with a maid or something, but I mean off-ing people in Sonny's life, possibly whatever horrors they're inflecting currently that I refuse to watch because I did read those spoilers, it's the PERFECT set up for him to be Brenda's kid from her pre-GH days (girl was straight out trouble seeking attention and love in all the wrong places.)

Man, her return is gonna suck because I can envision how well it COULD go. (Especially since I always wanted Ric to have had a relationship with an unmentioned Alcazar sister (and one mobster's daughter is as good as another), which he was told was dead while he was imprisoned and being brain washed to hate Sonny… and you know she also thought he was dead and was brain washed to hate him…I see waaay too much back story).

I mean think about this whole SB thing. A teenage affair between her and Ric_…Umm wait when did AZ's wife die or run off? All I know is he hates women…_Well we can skip that part, AZ disowns her, she runs off to live with an aunt or even just a friendly motherly figure (or her mom if AZ's wife died/disappeared early on), but then AZ realizes he's left without an heir, she has twins, he takes one, raises it as his own, but she has no idea. So of course Johnny would have no idea he has a 'sister' because his father was actually hiding the fact that she was his mother…I mean it's PURE soap opera and would be freakin hilarious to watch, hell just watching Ric have a five minute conversation with Spinelli and trying to be nice… :-P (Haha, in my Ric back story, I totally have the Alcazars' mom's brain's being blown out in front of them on Christmas, due to an affair with Mike, who manipulated her under the guise of getting info about Ric, but totally just being the sleaze ball, Mike was…I mean why else would the Alcazars have such a hatred towards Sonny... :-P)


	9. Used to Be

And here we go again, I've stopped watching GH so we should be good in that I won't get too disgusted by it again to continue (though I can't promise I won't break another key off my keyboard or kill where I plug in my power cord again :-P).

* * *

**Used to Be**

"I need you to explain something to me," she said shaking her head accusingly at him.

He was lost in the fire in her eyes, the determination coursing through her body, from the cocky stance she had taken to the precise swing her curls took as she shook her head.

"Sonny!" she snapped at him.

"What do you want to know Brenda?"

"When did I become Brenda?"

His mouth merely opened unable to understand what she was asking him.

"When did I stop being, Bren, Baby, Sweetheart, Darling. When did you start thinking of me as Brenda."

"They're just names."

"No," she shook her head at him, "They're not," brown eyes looked up mournfully at him. "You would have fought the world single-handedly for Bren."

"I would do anything for you," he whispered.

"No," she took a step closer to him; the living room began closing in on him, his heart started to pound with a deliberate beat that signaled she was near. "When did you stop fighting for us?"

"I had to," he shook his head.

"No," she shook her head back at him with tears in her eyes.

"I couldn't risk it. Not you. Never you."

"You didn't want to hurt me, so you let others," her voice trembled.

"I would have never left you if I'd known what was going to happen. You have to believe that."

"You stopped loving me. Passed me off to Jason, let me leave the country."

"I had to!" he yelled.

"Why?! Why did you have to?" she begged for an answer.

"I…" he shook his head.

"Why did you stop fighting for us?"

"I…" his head continued to shake.

"When did we stop being worth it? When did I stop being worth it?"

"You're worth everything."

"I used to believe that."

He rushed towards her and finally she didn't back away, didn't recoil from his touch, his hands half tangled with her curls as he cupped the sides of her face, looking into those eyes, those eyes that he could always see everything, always see them, his past, his future all contained in two perfect orbs. "You," he swore. "More than anything, it's you. Always and forever you."

Her hands lifted and covered his as her eyes once more filled with tears, matching his own.

He leaned in to kiss her when suddenly she disappeared from his grasp…

-x-X-x-

He spun on his heel, desperately seeking out where she had disappeared to, the room had changed. No longer as sign of everything he had with dollar signs screaming their importance, but the apartment of a man trying to be more, not a man trying to prove he was more. Modern, small. Probably the first real home that man had ever had, filled with a family that treated you as family first. Gray walls that were warmer than anything before or since.

"Bren-" her name died on his lips as he saw her walking out of the bedroom, straight hair being pulled back into a sloppy ponytail wearing nothing but a man's maroon button up.

She let out a soft smile and her head softly tilted at him despite her task, just seeing him made her happy, "What?" she questioned as he continued to stare at her.

"I love you," he said striding towards her, his hands once more grasped her face, "more than anything," he repeated before kissing her.

"What did you do?" she asked with a laugh once they came up for air.

"Nothing," he promised pulling back, "I just need you to know, it's always you, it's always been you, everything has been because of you."

Her eyes were a warm chocolate, the kind you wanted to drown in, "I know the feeling."

The front door started to open, "Oh man don't you guys ever stop," the teasing younger man's voice stopped Sonny's breath. _Stone._

He turned just in time to see Robin shake her head, "Oh leave them alone, they're happy."

"Thank you Robin," Brenda laughed.

"You know I love him, but sometime's he's a little," she made a joking face as she spun her finger next to her head "sometimes."

"Hey," Stone replied with a faux scowl.

"Aww Stone, don't listen to her," Brenda sympathetic tone reassured him for a brief moment.

"Thank you Brenda," he nodded before shooting an evil glance at his girlfriend.

You're crazy all the time," she laughed and Robin joined in.

"Y chromosome right?" Robin postulated.

"Oh definitely," Brenda nodded.

"Don't even get me started on females," he shook his head, "all of except for my little Ella," he said making a faux jog over to the area next to the counter, to the gray trimmed with green playard. He quickly bent and scooped the white onsie covered baby into his arms with a practiced ease, she rewarded him with a giggle as did the other girls in the room. "Right my little Ella?"

She giggled again.

"Ella, Ella, eh," he lifted her up with each word and every bounce she blessed him with another smile.

"Cute kinda crazy though," Robin admitted.

"They have to be," Brenda said throwing her arms around Sonny's back, "just so the world doesn't die off."

Sonny's hand covered her arm, but his eyes were transfixed by the little girl in Stone's arms. Not more than half a year old, with Brenda's doe eyes, surrounded with lashes he could see from several feet away and wisps of brown hair.

"Okay," Stone said walking over, "Robin and I actually just came in to change, so you know," he smiled, "make me dinner and I'll eat it later."

"We're going out to dinner," Robin admonished.

"I don't know who she thinks she's talking about that I'm not going to be hungry at 2am," he said passing off the baby without much warning to Sonny. "You know maybe you guys should start thinking about having another one, eating on my own is getting kinda lonesome."

"Yea," Brenda sarcastically replied, "thanks for letting me do that by the way because working my ass off for four months after was tons of fun."

"Who said you needed to work it off?" Stone asked with a cocked head and a teasing tone as Sonny did nothing but stare at his daughter in awe, reveling in her sturdy little weight, so frail, yet…so solid. "You were kind of cute for a chubster, Sonny certainly seemed to enjoy it," he smiled. "Isn't that right man," his hand came out and slapped Sonny on the arm, startling him slightly.

Shocked just enough to respond, "Brenda's always beautiful," he answered still barely paying attention.

"Hit him," Brenda ordered with a shake of her head before moving back into the kitchen.

"Oww," Stone quickly replied rubbing his arm from where Robin swatted him. "What was that for?"

"Called Brenda fat?" Robin asked with a roll of her eyes as she turned heading towards Stone's room.

"She called me crazy first," he defended.

"Obviously she was right if you thought it was a good idea to call her fat…" their bickering trailed out of the room.

"Hey," Brenda said popping her head out of the pass through between the two rooms, "are you ruining my dinner because this looks done to me."

He stared blankly at her for a moment.

"Put Ella down Sonny," she ordered as if to a halfwit, "and feed her Mommy."

"Uh," he nodded, "yea." He shook his head as he was walking back around towards the kitchen, his thoughts and actions finally becoming operational, "Ever consider it might be time for you to learn how to cook?"

She met him at the doorway with a deadly look in her eye, "When you can be pregnant and go through labor, I'll take over the cooking duties."

He smiled over at her as he gave the cooking greens on the stove a stir after turning off the oven.

"You love feeding me," she knowingly informed him.

He dropped the spoon on the side of the stove, not caring if it hit its mark. "I love everything you let me do for you," his hand once more cupped her cheek. "Though you know," he huskily whispered to her, "if we're keeping this fair, all of my years cooking for you versus nine months of pregnancy, I'm thinking we might need to even this out."

Her head tilted into his hand, "Oh really? What do you suggest?" Her eyes twinkled.

"Another little girl as perfect as you."

"Already?"

"No time like the present."

"No time like tomorrow," she laughed.

"Just in case Brenda," he brushed a few loose stands of hair back.

"In case of what?"

"There isn't a tomorrow," he soulfully answered.

"Don't ever say that," her hand came up to cover his, her eyes pleading with him, "I couldn't survive losing you, Sonny. Promise me we'll have till we're old and gray."

"Hey no knocking the gray," Joe Scully's voice interrupted them and Sonny shot around to look through the pass-through to where Scully was now holding his daughter.

"No," Sonny whispered.

"This little girl for one, finds gray to be very dapper," he smiled as she pulled at his gray temples, "or at least entertaining." He shifted Ella in front of him, "Isn't that right Princess Ella, you love your Pop's gray hair."

Sonny spun to turn back to Brenda, to chase after Scully and reclaim his daughter, but Brenda was gone and as he turned back so was Joe.

-x-x-X-x-x-

He shot up gasping for air, then clenched his wound in pain from the action.

"Oh my god Sonny!" Kate exclaimed rushing out of the bathroom.

_Kate…_

"Are you okay?" she asked as she joined him in bed.

He shook his head, "Just a bad dream. What time is it?"

"A little past ten, those pills you got at the hospital certainly knock you out," she brushed the side of his face. "Funny," she told him looking slightly perplexed, "a few minutes ago I could have sworn you were having a dream about us," she smiled, "you had this adorable little pleased smirk on your face.

His heart dropped to his stomach, but he ignored it, "Adorable really?" he broke out the dimples for his question, "You sure it wasn't suave or sexy?"

"Nope sorry to break it to you Corinthos," she feigned seriousness, "it was completely adorable."

"I don't know how I feel about being called adorable, not sure I want you to see me how you see the boys."

"Oh trust me Sonny," her eyes narrowing in on him, "the moment the doctor gives you the all clear, I'm going to show you just how highly rated and completely unrelated to the boys I found that smirk," she promised leaning in to him as he tried, but failed to banish all other thought from his mind.

* * *

Stopping here. You should have seen Jason and Brenda shopping and the afters of that in this chapter, but seriously that Sonny part turned REALLY hard to write.

So comments….

(aside from what I'm sure are a multitude of boo boos due to posting at nearly 4am :-P )


	10. The Past is New Again

AN:

Umm short chapter. Spinelli and Georgie feel weird, need to go watch them again :-(. Once more my like 5 minute worth of scene grew and is totally not what it's supposed to be, actually should have been more upbeat.

And may I just say, Dean Cain. Who else to use as the new character? (That would be Dean Cain of a few years ago…Last couple years have not been going so smoothly for some of my fav hotties).

Oh and last chapter...Have you guys seen Sonny in the last several years? That vague memory of a good character has been buried by all the crap acting and storylines

* * *

**The Past is New Again**

"You almost took out an entire display," Jason said matter of factly.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she rolled her eyes and shrugged nonchalantly.

He continued looking at her.

"Okay you know what you could have mentioned you had a hot friend, not in questionable line of employment."

"Uh hum," Spinelli cleared his throat as the former married couple bickered over their lunches at Kelly's.

She frowned at him with narrowed eyes, "Don't you like work for him?"

His finger rose then fell, "Fair enough."

"Still going?" Georgie asked walking over to the table.

"Ah yes," Spinelli nodded with wide eyes.

"Tell me again how hot he is," Georgie smiled as Jason frowned.

"Ridiculously, because," she shot Jason a look.

His hands rose to protect his side, "If you touch my hair again, I will not be responsible for what happens to you."

She sighed and tossed her head back, "I can't believe how good he still looks." She tossed it forward again looking at Georgie, "He got over the whole long hair phase," her eyes dropped and lowered to Jason, "is this some geeky adolescent phase?"

He rolled his eyes, _he could never cut his hair now._

She frowned and went out to touch a strand, but had her hand promptly whacked away. "I used to like your hair long," she frowned remembering, "I had really bad taste. It was really cute."

"Brenda maybe you should go back to how you can't believe he had a hot friend and didn't tell you because he's starting to look pissed. More water Jason?"

"I'm good thank you," he said never looking up at their server, but still glaring at Brenda.

"How the hell did you end up friends with someone from high school?"

_Brown eyes twinkled as dimples showed, "Man I think he just took pity on me after all of my smiles, waves and accidental 'Hey Jason's" that he'd nod at me when I was visiting. Then when I moved back," he smiled again and his head dropped down, "seriously I think he just took pity on me when he saw me at the gym."_

"I told you, we go to the same gym, occasionally we play basketball."

"I can't believe you play basketball with Chris Sellenger!"

"That popular and hot?" Georgie made a sympathetic face.

"He was friends with Jason!"

"So you were attracted to Jason Quartermaine?" Spinelli questioned.

Brenda shot him a dirty look.

Georgie laughed, "Oh man you did."

"Focus," she snapped. She sighed, "The guys used to all come over and use the pool," she whimpered, "play basketball with their shirts off." She groaned, "I blame Keesha, Jason didn't need friends once he had Keesha." She frowned looking at Jason, "Seriously you were hotter than him."

"Why are you so obsessed with my hair?"

"Why don't you care at all is the better question," she quickly retorted. She pouted, "Think he's gonna call me?"

"Well he doesn't know you, so you still have a chance."

She frowned.

Georgie laughed and gestured at a table, "I've gotta go take their order, try not to kill each other while I'm gone."

"Seriously Persephone, you do not doubt this 'Adonis' will not eagerly seek out a relationship with you. I mean you are the fair Persephone. You are renowned for your beauty. Your repertoire of films, television, modeling…" His eyes widened, "That most spectacular pictorial in Maxim, which truly I must say-" he shut his mouth as he noticed the look Stone Cold was giving him. "It was good," he nodded, "very very good," he muttered taking a sip of his soda, a long sip of his soda.

Jason continued glaring.

Brenda was still distracted, "I can't believe he works for ELQ now. I can't believe you're friends with someone who works at ELQ."

"I see him at the gym, occasionally," he corrected. "Can we stop talking about this for five minutes?"

"Can I have the old tv?" Spinelli immediately jumped in with.

"You're not getting surround sound," Jason quickly responded with.

"Yes you have made that very clear on several occasions," he scowled, "no sound is to emerge from my bedroom. That is not me stubbing my toe on the flowery chintz chair that is constantly in the way no matter what I do," he turned his anger towards Brenda.

"You changed rooms," she pointed out.

"Fair enough."

"And I had to move Brenda's old tv back into her room," he quickly referenced the old tube tv, Spinelli had almost dropped on the floor.

"For which the Grasshopper thanks-" he glared at Brenda remembering the morning.

She snickered.

"The Jackal tested the weight of the downstairs television last night after it was determined it was to be replaced. I do not think-"

"You're not carrying the tv upstairs on your own."

"The mass of the-"

"I see you walk Spinelli," he quickly shot him down. "I'll move the tv."

"What of the dvd-"

"I'll bring everything up but the surround sound and stereo."

"Not as if the Jackal needs the antiquated auditory device, his tunes are in the 21st century."

"He doesn't get to play with the ice cream machine," Brenda said shaking her head.

"Ice cream machine?" he dragged the words out, "we have an ice cream machine?"

"It's a ball," she nodded, "you roll it, it forms your ice cream. It's amazing."

"That is most," he responded with his mouth open.

"Definitely not letting Jason make you waffles."

"I'm making waffles?"

She ignored him, "Chocolate fountain," she added to the list Spinelli was to have none of.

"You're taking that with you to the Quartermaines. I'm not cleaning that up," he quickly shook his head. He turned back to Spinelli, "Before she even says it, you're not going near the margarita maker."

"We have a…There's a…" his head gently shook, his abode, it was suddenly a temple of pleasure. Then he frowned, "Don't we already have a blender?"

"Don't start Jason," she lifted a finger to the side at him, never bothering to look at him.

There was a snicker from behind them. They turned in unison to the person who had just walked in the door, "Don't tell me you guys have been fighting since the store?"

And there he was, an occasional visitor to Kelly's. Six feet of muscle, wavy dark hair, dimples that could make even Maxie forget how to speak, sparkling brown eyes, that she and Maxie had spent hours trying to debate his heritage, classic all American boy, till you got to the eyes, the eyes were what made him special. Made him go from hot, to, 'Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,' as Maxie had declared years back, running to the kitchen to shake her sister over the glee, that HE had returned. That spectacular human being, was Chris Sellenger, Brenda's high school crush. Georgie's heart fell. It was official, her life completely sucked. At least Brenda was an _almost _friend_. _

"Let me guess," his dimples showed, "the espresso maker?"

"There's a-" Spinelli's mouth once more opened.

"You're not drinking that if you're staying in the apartment," Jason once more shot him down.

If he didn't think stomping his feet and declaring, he was not a child, would only weaken his case, he would have.

"That's the only thing he's not completely against," Brenda smiled up, "what are you doing here?"

"Just getting a coffee," he continued smiling at her, ignoring Jason, "fortifying my nerves before I go back out there. I've got my dad, brother, brother-in-law, taken care of, my nieces and nephews, unfortunately I still have my mother."

"Didn't you have sisters?" she asked with a cocked head.

"Yea two," he nodded, "good memory. Luckily my sisters haven't made me buy a gift since high school, I just get the bill. They buy for each other and my sister in law."

"What are you going to buy your mom?" she continued smiling up.

The Jackal nearly choked on his sputtered out his sofa as he noticed the displeasure unveiled on his mentor's face.

"She needs a new lamp, small," he let out a chagrinned smile as he brought his thumb and pointer close together, "lapse in judgment on Thanksgiving."

"I bet," she chuckled. "Where are you going to go?"

"I was thinking that big furniture store they just opened up."

"Oh no," she said shaking her head.

"Bad?" he made a face.

"Worse," she smirked, "common."

"Nothing worse than common," he laughed.

"Nothing," she put on a serious face.

"Well then where do you suggest I go?"

Spinelli wasn't sure Jason wouldn't gag, his mouth opened as if he would.

"There is a little boutique like two blocks away, on Radcliff."

"You know," he lifted, a bag to point, "I think I know the one you're talking about, it has the purple awning."

"I've heard it's really good."

"You know if you're not bu-" he stopped and let out an embarrassed smile, "you're eating lunch."

"No," she shook her head, "I mean I was, I'm actually done, I was just picking as we talked," she waved her hand over her food.

Jason frowned.

"Well okay then," his smile lit up again and Georgie considering just tossing herself through the window and Spinelli wondered if Jason would be tossing his 'friend' out it soon. "You don't mind if I steal her from you for awhile do you, Jason?" He finally remembered the other man, tossing a hand down to Jason's shoulder.

"No," he shook his head, forcing himself not to shrug off the hand, "not at all."

"Great," he nodded with another smile, "I'm gonna go get that cup of coffee; can I get you anything else?"

She smiled again and shook her head, "I'm good."

He nodded again slightly nervously, before turning and walking away.

"What?" Brenda lifted her shoulders and looked away as Jason shot her a look.

"What was that?"

"Nothing," she defended.

"What were you doing?"

"I believe the term would be simper," Spinelli supplied.

She glared at him.

"It was slightly school girl, hardly befitting a goddess such as yourself, for while, Persephone is often thought of as just a young maiden, it-"

"Shut up," she muttered under her breath as she smiled and stood. "That was quick."

"Yea," he nodded, "they've gotten a lot faster since high school."

"You know Jagger carries a gun now, so you might want to watch your mouth," she joked. "You know," she said grabbing her jacket, "that's actually Robin Scorpio's little cousin."

"Really?" He nodded. "You know I see her around town every once in awhile." He once more remembered there were other people, "Uh bye guys, it was nice meeting you," he frowned trying to remember if he had been introduced to the other person.

"Spinelli, Damian, however most refer to me as-"

"I'll explain it to you as we walk," she nodded. "I'll talk to you guys later."

"Oh my god," Georgie said walking over as the door shut, "if Brenda's life gets any better, I'm going to have to officially hate her. First Joe Parker, now Mr. Oh My God? Maxie's gonna flip." She frowned noticing Jason's face, having just heard from Spinelli during their walk, just how 'not like that' they were, "Is he okay?"

"Uh, I think if we were to know what is going on in Stone Cold's mind, we would be held as accomplices'."

He shook his head, "Chris is nice guy."

"Then what's the issue," Georgie poked Spinelli's back.

"Brenda's probably not in the best place right now." He watched this with her time and time again. He watched her rush in, watched her give everything, then saw her heartbroken. "I should probably get those things into the apartment," he nodded and started to stand. He pulled out his wallet, tossing extra money as always, "Thanks Georgie."

"You're welcome," she nodded.

"You coming?" he nodded at Spinelli.

"Yes, just let me say goodbye to the Wise and W-"

"I'll be at the car," he nodded and walked away.

"Stone Cold certainly does not seem pleased with this most recent turn of events."

"Poseidon is love with Persephone and has no clue, you should probably help him with that before he realizes as she's halfway down the aisle."

"You don't think," he shook his head and looked anxiously at the door as if he could still see all involved parties, then back at her.

Georgie's face scrunched in apology, "She married Jax days after she was supposed to run off with Sonny."

He let out a high pitched grunt of displeasure with clenched hands raised. "She has made my life most difficult," he bent to grab his coat and chase after his protector who suddenly needed protection from himself.

* * *

**Thanks for reading!**


	11. Familiar Things

Random notes (nothing of any importance, so you can skip).

1) Love how things stay in your head even when you don't remember them. This Space Between Us, is about a guy's obsession with his dead wife (Marcil), I was totally excited when I started to watch it and realize that it was along the lines of what I imagined Kate to be watching at Sonny walked in (because man, who remembers how crazy powerful their love was….Grrr to all new millennium GH-aside from the hinting of Brazen-). Oh yea and I totally sobbed during that movie.

2) The second part of this story is short, this is in fact mostly stuff that I've had written for months (like within days of the last chapter being posted). I think it's mostly because there was something off with the second part of this because I really know what I want to hit upon in the next chapter. Maybe I'll just start trying to post shorter, single scene only chapters.

3) Um like holy crap where did this end come from? Seriously I have no idea. The last lines are a little choppy, but I kept trying to get away from them and they wouldn't let me. But well I'll discuss the emotions and sentiments behind all of that at the start of the next chapter.

* * *

**Familiar Things**

The sight of his house disturbed him today. It was too quiet without his kids. The differences between his reality and his dream to vast to endure.

He wasn't supposed to be here. It was everything he'd ever wanted before he met her. He had it all.

The kids. The house. The business. Right down to the exquisite woman beside him.

The life he had thrown her away for.

He could have let Joe take over; he could have bowed out while he still could.

She wouldn't have been so desperate for the truth and even then the truth wouldn't have torn them apart.

Kate kept telling him how brilliant he was, how if he'd gone legit, he would have made the captains of industry quake in their boots.

He wasn't meant for that though. He realized that the moment he gotten Rivera's proposal in jail, the moment he realized he had truly lost her. He had been making a good, legitimate living. They could have saved up for a house with just enough bedrooms as they had kids. He smiled sweetly to himself as his eyes closed, _maybe a few more kids then bedrooms. _He wanted as much of her in the world as he could get.

He walked into the den, he knew Kate had retreated into it as he had started going over paperwork hours ago, staring at the numbers until they blurred in his head.

"What are you guys up to?" he asked seeing Kate and Max on the sofa. Kate with her laptop and Max studying the insert of a dvd.

"Indulging in a little idle curiosity," Kate said looking over with a smile.

"About what?" he asked walking towards them with his patented charming Sonny smile.

"My…." Kate pouted for a moment, before her lips turned up in a teasing smile, "predecessor?"

"Ha," Max suddenly exclaimed, "found it."

"Max has a favorite scene," Kate smirked.

"It's a good moment," he defended.

"What are you watching?" he could barely find his voice.

"An Imagined Life."

"She gained fifteen pounds for it, then did two crash diets, so she could film her other scenes looking like she was at two different points in her life, all in six weeks," Max's awe of her was evident.

"She was a model," Kate shrugged, "I've seen girls lose 5 pounds overnight." She turned back to Sonny, "You'll love this review. While the story itself plays out much like a Lifetime movie of the week, attempting to disguise itself as an independent film through camera work. The acting abilities of Colum Gray and model turned actress, Brenda Barrett, save this film from its potential mediocrity. They play a young couple, just starting their lives together when tragedy strikes, only the death of Owen Campbell's wife and daughter fails to end their time together. Her presence, as convincingly portrayed by Miss Barrett, is stronger than death and despite the best efforts of Campbell's family and friends; he continues to see her at every turn.

The surprising breakout performance of its lead actress, who has only previously had minor supporting roles in films, and television guest appearances, perhaps is not so surprising after a quick google of her name. Her believability as a character that exists only within the mind of the lead character and the depth of her emotions playing a memory of a woman, across the span of their six year relationship, they are not perhaps as surprising, as she makes you believe in an unbelievable character because of her life that reads as an overly ambitious daytime scribe. Told at a young age that her mother had died, she spent her formative years in and out of various boarding schools, a self described wild child, who was cut out of her father's will. Her natural beauty, allowed her to spend the next several years modeling and pursuing other interests, like the music label she began with a friend, while her counterparts-" Kate stopped in shock as Max shushed her and pointed at the screen.

Sonny turned to see a non-descript apartment, a man sitting alone on his couch, leaning back as he causally worked at his laptop. The shot switched to the computer and the silver keyboard, then maroon toes crept over the edge, the shot swung out and it was Brenda with messy chestnut curled splayed across the beige cushions, just smiling.

"That's what I want," Max said suddenly lost at the screen and the image he had paused, then as he realized what he had said, he turned back to his companions, "I mean that's the scene I was talking about," he turned back to the television, "that look, that smile, I mean it says everything."

"She's smiling Max," Kate countered.

"No, it's that smile," Max shook his head unable to describe the spray of emotions that ran through him as she looked out from the television to him with that smile.

Sonny was frozen, he knew that smile, he knew that pose.

Kate turned just as Sonny was coming out of it, "So what happens?" he questioned quickly to deflect notice of his reaction to the film.

"She's pregnant and dies, his family tries to get him living again, dating, but she's still there."

"Everywhere," Max chimed in, "in his head, in real life."

"How does it end?" he automatically asked.

"Same cemetery that the movie opens with, he's promising his sister that he's going to let her go and start living again. She leaves him alone to say goodbye and you realize he's been watching Natalie…Brenda's character and their daughter playing, just like he was in the opening scene when he's burying them. He sends a call from the woman his sister's been trying to set him up with to voicemail and he sits down to watch them play."

"She smiles at him," Max added, unable to not add in the importance of her smile, "and it just ends with him smiling, just his head and he's like really smiling." Max got a far off look in his eyes as he turned back to the screen and her frozen smile, "Because being with her, even if it's only in his head is better than anything else."

Sonny tried not to look affected as Kate was diligently watching him, tried not think of what it felt like to leave her, unable to turn off his thoughts of her. Remember how living inside of a bottle after her death, was better than living in a world without her. "A little melodramatic for my tastes," he offered with a chagrined smile.

"You've never seen it?" Kate questioned.

"Lifetime movies aren't really my thing," he teasingly smiled at her. Then before she could ask, he adds, "Besides seeing Brenda, acting like someone else with a different name, always seems pretty fake to me. I watched her first guest spot on that cop show and that was it."

"Really?" Kate looked disbelieving.

"If I'm flipping channels and I see her, I stop, but normally the show's half over," he shrugged. It was the truth, but he didn't add that he didn't watch her because life was easier with out of sight out of mind and once he started, he wasn't sure he could stop…

Kate looked at him with continued skepticism.

He let out a laugh, "Once you get to know her you'll understand."

"Guess I will won't I?" she prompted, ignoring that she had watched numerous actors and actress that she had met. "Her new show premieres at the end of January," that tidbit had come up in her internet search.

"Yea," he nodded, "anyway. I have a meeting later on, I was wondering if I could talk you into joining me for an early dinner."

-x-x-X-x-x-

Jason tried to figure out, just as he tried to figure out many things this past week, how he had ended up somewhere with Brenda.

Walking next to a gleeful Brenda into the restaurant at the Metro Court.

He had been reading, she had come in declaring she was desperate, in the short purple dress, only saved from indecency by the thick black tights covering her legs, he had to agree.

Her words had come out in a tumble as she went through his closet, he still seated in one of the two armchairs in his room, book still in front of him, glass of water next to him, ready for a long night in. The key words being: Robin, emergency, late, Carly, no way in hell, Metro Court. With a decent amount of expletives and desperation intermingled with them.

"No," had been the single word that had greeted her when she finally turned around with a black button down in hand.

"What's wrong with the shirt," she asked looking down.

It was not one of her better attempts at playing dumb. "Brenda," one single word, her head popped up as she pouted, her head falling to the side in misery.

"Jason please. I cannot deal with anyone with the last name of Jacks. I especially have no desire for anyone I went to high school with to realize how completely neurotic my past is, it's already been front page news."

"You want me to go on a date with you and Chris?" his brows came together for that.

She sighed, "Not a date, a date, I could do. I could convince him to go somewhere else. A bunch of people came home for Thanksgiving and they're going out."

"So go out with him another night, if you don't want to go to the hotel," he turned his attention back to the book.

"Yea Jason because blowing off people I haven't seen for a decade is the way to make a good impression on him."

"Were they your friends?"

"Friends is a strong word," she made a sour face.

"So I'm sure he won't blame you for not wanting to go out with them."

"I had three friends in high school Jason, okay actually two," she smirked, "Jagger and I weren't really 'friends'" she quoted, "unless you add the word benefits to that. So I'm down to one friend from high school and even then Robin's younger than me, these were the people I had class with, that I spent the majority of the day with. Stephanie Miller getting knocked out by a stray basketball during gym, Derek Calon when he told off Mrs. Spritz while we were doing all that triangle stuff!"

"Trigonometry," he offered.

"You're so funny," she shot him a dirty look and continued on, "Mr. De Graff married, Julie Epstein two years after we graduated and I mean, we as in she with me." She sighed as she stood in front of him, sleek dark hair falling dejectedly in front of her face, "I don't remember people's names that I met last week, but I remember these people. Port Charles was the longest I'd been in the same school since I was 11; I have all these memories of it and no one to tell them to." She sat back on the bed looking at him, she blinked back tears suddenly.

"Okay," he said curtly and stood, he didn't want to know what had just made her eyes fill, but he knew he'd do anything to keep them away.

That was how he found himself in a suit walking into the Metro Court with Brenda by his side, a knot in his stomach as he found the smiling faces staring at him with pleased disbelief. Feeling as if he was walking into Jason Quartermaine's life as he briefly wondered if it had ever been his own, if it weren't all just some reaction to the late great Jason Q. Then he remembered that he was Jason Quartermaine, despite him being a stranger, that had been him.

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Thanks for reading and thanks for all your support and patience with me over this fic.


	12. An Unfamiliar Past

**AN:** Aaaaah! I have no idea why this chapter hated me, I'd started off with SUCH a clear vision for it. At least it finally let me write something for it. Maybe I'll write flashbacks in other chapters for what refused to be written here.

Sorry about the super long delays guys. Me not being able to watch GH always causes issues.

_Remember Jason has escorted Brenda to the Metro Court restaurant because Robin is delayed at GH and Brenda doesn't want to risk running into Jax or Carly alone. These are people Brenda and Jason Q went to high school with. Jason is only staying until Robin arrives. Chris=Dean Cain_

_

* * *

  
_

**An Unfamiliar Past**

He felt a momentary pang of sadness for those he approached, similar to what he felt for Monica when he realized he wasn't the son she needed to comfort her. Seeing him, they saw Jason Quartermaine; they were reminded of the friend they had lost. He could recognize the shock and sadness that couldn't be hidden by their smiles, paired with their joy and curiosity. Before he could linger too deeply in this thought, he felt Brenda slip her hand around his arm, he automatically looked down in curiosity, wondering what this public show was since he hadn't spotted any female that looked like they might be making a move and she had certainly been quick to distance herself from him earlier in the day when they had spotted Chris.

By the time he looked up at her, her face had registered the shock itself and her arm separated from his, Brenda hadn't been the type to comfort or seek comfort, especially not in public from him. A lot had changed though in five years.

"Walk," she ordered through closed teeth and smiling lips as she nudged him with her shoulder as she realized what felt like several dozen eyes upon them.

The surprise over seeing him, he noticed quickly gave way in the group of guys Chris had just left, lust and envy replaced it. _He should have suggested a new outfit to her as she had to him._

"Jason," Chris said approaching them with a bright smile, _he wondered if the guy truly was that friendly. _"Didn't expect to see you." He began to nod, "Nice surprise. I apologize in advance for my friends," he smiled sheepishly as he inwardly groaned at the questions his friends were sure to ask. He turned his attention to Brenda, "You look amazing Brenda," his gaze filled with awe.

"Not too shabby yourself Chris," Brenda nodded back in appreciation of his gray slacks and black button down, undone at the neck like Jason's.

Jason's eyes shrunk as he once more viewed in disbelief and annoyance, Chris' pleased smile to her reaction.

"Let me introduce you to the gang Jason," he once more nodded as he remembered Jason was still present.

-x-x-X-x-x-

Jason was swiftly introduced around the group of males standing by the bar that readily embraced Brenda. Then around the table of women that readily plastered fake smiles when greeting Brenda. Brenda swallowed the shot of tequila offered to her at the bar without the aid of the lime or salt upon their return.

They all quickly summed up their current lives, their families, their jobs, where they were living, before quickly stumbling into story time as Brenda had started to discuss the storyline behind the show she would start shooting in a matter of days. Jason smiled, he nodded, he even teased Brenda a time or two as the group he was standing in shared stories he shared no memory of. They caught themselves a time or two as they'd begin to ask him, 'Do you remember' only to themselves remember they were not talking to Jason Quartermaine. Only when telling the story, they didn't use the name Jason Quartermaine, they instead used, 'You' as if only telling a mere forgotten memory, that would return with several cues. The memories had been lost due to a night of heavy drinking, but no amount of cues would ever trigger their return.

Out of the blue, "You owe me twenty bucks," the guy with the glassy eyes and too much gel informed him.

Jason continued to look at him.

"John," Chris along with his friend, Mark tried to silence the inebriated John, as their eyes were once more wide in shock and embarrassment that this was happening.

"No, no," John's head shock, Guinness swayed in the pint glass, "he made the bet. Even if he doesn't remember it."

Jason couldn't ignore his curiosity as Brenda looked on confused and worried this would send Jason fleeing out of the restaurant as most things Quartermaine related did.

John's friends stumbled over their words trying to silence their friend and Jason recalled a long forgotten memory of a drunk screaming his name, late one night as he sat at a red light, long before he had conceded to Robin's demands he wear a helmet. _Had that been one of them?_

Jason's silence and focused eyes were enough to encourage John to go one despite his friends pleas. "Married Brenda, just like we said you would."

Brenda choked on the sip of vodka and seltzer she had just taken.

"Really?" Jason couldn't help, but question as everyone else was stunned into silence.

"If at first you don't succeed try try, until you get brain damage and become the out-"

Chris' hand appeared out of nowhere over John's mouth, "Please shut up now."

"What," John shrugged as he bobbed out of his friend's hold, "just saying. The bike, the leather, emotionally distant..."

Trent, who had apparently played football with Jason Q finally snickered, "Come on Brenda finally got over that, she threw herself at Jason."

Brenda choked on air this time, "What?!"

Jason couldn't help, but laugh, along with the other guys who witnessed her reaction.

She glared, "Excuse me?"

"Oh man, we were freshman," Trent, the fellow who had been noticeably silent, "that wouldn't have happened if we were home."

"What wouldn't have happened?" once more Jason couldn't help but ask.

As Trent's mouth opened again, Brenda cut him off, "Nothing happened."

Trent smirked at her.

"I was bored," she glared back at him.

"Whatever you say Brenda," Trent condescendingly agreed with her as he failed to hide his smile.

"So not like that," she rolled her eyes, "Jason needed to have fun, hell I needed to have fun," she inwardly recalled how much is sucked having to give up on Jagger, knowing that she would never be the one he wanted as badly as she wanted him to.

_Apparently that had been a recurring theme with Brenda and this body. _Jason looked over at her with amused eyes.

"Oh don't you even start, they're exaggerating," she rolled her eyes.

It suddenly annoyed him that this was amusing him; that this was interesting to him, that he wanted to know more. Then out of the blue it was there again, the sadness in her eyes, the sadness he had seen in Monica and Edward, the sadness, which had blissfully been gone for years had returned. _He was not, nor would he ever be again, Jason Quartermaine. _He automatically reacted in order to save her from it yet again, "Next round's on me and we'll call it even?"

John smirked, but Chris responded faster than his inebriated friend, "That sounds excellent, I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm ready for a shot."

"Double," Brenda gestured with her pointer up.

-x-x-X-x-x-

"Oh you have got to be kidding me," Carly loudly sighed as she walked towards them.

"There is not enough alcohol in this town," Brenda muttered under her breath before taking yet another sip.

Jason's beer went down on the bar as he didn't pause in his reaction to Carly, heading towards her without a second thought. _This couldn't continue, they had to learn how to coexist. _

"Walk away," he ordered her with a hand on her arm as he turned her.

"Ah," she flared her arms in his grasp, "what is with you Jason?"

"The fact that you're proving me wrong and Brenda right," he said as he continued walking with her.

"Jason-"

He stopped walking with her once he was far enough away, "Brenda said you'd start with her-"

"She's in my hotel," Carly quickly retorted.

"As a paying customer with other paying customers."

"I don't need her money," she shook her head.

"You don't need this stress, hell none of us do, Carly. Trust me Brenda has no interest in Jax, if you're afraid of Jax being around her then you-"

"I trust my husband," she quickly countered.

"Then act like it," he scolded.

"Do you remember the last time I tried to act like the bigger person-" her eyes narrowed, "what the hell?"

Jason turned to see Jax walking with an employee approaching an oblivious Brenda, who was caught up laughing with Trent. Chris though wasn't so unaware, he saw Jax, then Jason and Carly's face.

Jax saw her seconds after a peel of her laughter echoed through the room as Chris' arm wrapped around her as he huddled them in towards Trent. "I'll be right with you," he nodded at his employee. "Brenda," he announced himself as he walked in closer.

She automatically stiffened as Chris tightened his arm around her, he understood about exes, especially those who had walked out on you.

"Jax," she turned with a fake smile, "I'd say funny seeing you here, but…"

"I own the place," he smirked.

"Don't even think about moving," Carly ordered as it was her turn to clasp her hand around Jason's arm, she might not be able to hear them, but body language would have to do.

"So who are your friends Brenda?" Jax nodded at her little group.

"Sorry," she once more faked nice, "Chris, Trent, John meet Jasper Jacks."

"We've met before," Chris said extending his hand.

"ELQ right?" Jax had met the man at several social functions over the previous years.

"That's me," he gave a blinding smile, dimples automatically appeared, a disarming and charming smile that put Jax's to shame.

"And how do you all know Brenda?"

John gave him a dirty look, "How do you know Brenda?"

Chris' eyes rolled, _this he forgets. _

"Uh," Jax momentarily lost his composure, "Brenda and I were involved once."

John snorted, "He's not your type," he swayed towards Brenda.

The rest of her little group couldn't help, but chuckle.

"Uh," Chris said clearing his throat, "we all went to high school together."

"Yea," John's eyes narrowed, "with her husband too. We made a bet I won."

"Hus-" Jax felt his throat tighten.

"Jax darling," Carly said, "sweetie," her voice saccharine sweet, Jason right on her heels as she had suddenly decided she didn't do standing on the sidelines. "I thought you were going to go home early in case Michael had another nightmare."

"I was," he nodded, "I am," _Jason, they had been talking about Jason…Husband? What was going between Brenda and Jason lately? _"Forgot some reports I wanted to look over."

"In the dining room?" Carly questioned.

"I didn't get a chance to grab dinner tonight, figured I'd get something from the kitchen."

"Great idea," she smiled at him, "I'll walk with you."

"Uh sure," he turned back to Brenda and her friends, "Nice meeting you all, Brenda," he nodded, "Jason."

Various farewells greeted their backs.

"Awkward," Trent chimed as soon as the married couple was out of earshot.

"Yea, what a douche," John nodded at Jax's back, "leaves her at the altar and then wants to know who she's with."

"So uh?" Chris began with wide eyes, _there hadn't been this much drama in his life since high school, _"shots?"

-x-x-X-x-x-

**Sonny's car, 2am:**

"Okay bye sweetie," Brenda said leaning halfway out of the town car, just barely managing to hold on to the side, "are you sure you don't want me to walk you upstairs?"

Robin snorted at the thought of Brenda helping her inside, "I swear I'm fine."

"What about," she stared blankly up at Max.

"Max," he prompted, not for the first time.

"Right," her head bobbed, "like Maxie, only not a girl."

"Yea," he drawled.

"Walk her upstairs," she ordered.

Robin laughed again, "I swear I'm fine, I told you guys not to give her scotch."

Brenda's face blanched at the face, "Call me in the morning," she pitched forward a bit more as Sonny's hands hovered behind her, ready to yank at her coat if need be.

"Will do," Robin smirked at her friend, "drink at least a full glass of water before you go to bed."

"Don't worry, Alice said she'd put a bottle of Gatorade next to my bed."

"Okay take it easy Brenda," she smiled at her friend, "take care of her Sonny," she gave him a knowing look.

He nodded, "Have a good night Robin."

"Bye," Brenda called out one last time as Robin disappeared into her building.

"Okay let's get you back in here," Sonny coaxed with a hand on her waist.

She let out a loud sigh as her back reconnected with the seat, "Woah," her eyes briefly closed, "oh this is going to be horrible isn't it?"

He chuckled, "I don't think there's enough Gatorade in the world to save you from this hangover."

"Ugh," she groaned.

"So high school people?" he prompted, eager to hear.

"Yea they still don't like me," she frowned, "or actually the females don't like me, the guys…"

"Never had a problem with the guys have you?" he smirked.

She gave him a sly grin, "The Maxims of the world don't hurt."

His mind instantly flooded with images that would greet him when he would google her name, the momentary lapse that would lead to days of pain.

She closed her eyes briefly before they quickly flew open, "Not a good idea," she muttered.

Sonny chuckled and handed her back her forgotten water bottle.

"Thanks," she smiled as she took it.

"So Jason was out with you tonight?" he said referring back to what that Chris person had told him as Chris had repeatedly tried to convince Sonny against taking Brenda home, swearing that he had promised Jason personally.

"Yea at the start," she nodded.

"Metro Court and Jason Quartermaine's high school friends aren't really Jason's scene," Sonny prompted hoping for more without being noticeable. Something had been going on with Jason, he really hoped it was just because of Emily and not anything more between Jason and Brenda.

"Jason and Chris know each other," a sip of her water, "I actually think Jason had fun tonight, aside from you know who," she rolled her eyes.

His ex wife had been shooting daggers at Brenda when he arrived and had blown him off when he tried talking to her.

She sighed, "It was really nice actually," she turned and looked out the window, "there were these moments when everything seemed fine again." Her eyes focused on the darkness as she slid inside of her mind, "Robin and Jason laughing…It was like we just slid back in time and everyone would still be where we left them. Em off on an adventure with Lucky and Sly, Alan at the hospital," her head shook gently.

"Bren," the shortening of her name slid off his lips as he reached out to touch her shoulder.

She turned back, her head once more shaking gently, "I just want to go back to it sometimes."

"Do it over?"

Her head shook, "I don't know. Maybe just go back and appreciate it more."

He knew that feeling.

"It's weird, how you'd still do it all over again despite how much it ends up hurting." Her head rolled back to the center and her eyes closed again, they once more quickly flew open, "Why do I keep doing that?"

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Scotch is nasty," she turned back to him.

He gave her a small smile, "Not about that," he gave her another smile, this one actually amused, "Actually in addition to that. You can never know how sorry I am for what happened between us."

She shook her head at him, "Sonny, we did all of this years ago."

"Brenda-"

"What we had was good Sonny, most of the time I don't even regret it," she smirked. "Everything has their time, isn't that what they say?" Her head turned back to the window, "Just because we think they deserve longer doesn't mean they do."

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**Thanks for reading. **

****(How Brenda and Robin ended up in Sonny's car will be addressed in the next chapter, when we also see steam coming out of Jason's ears as he finds out)**  
**

**Questions about future one shots:**

All of those recently sorased kids, keep them sorased? If Brenda returns with a kid(s) should he/she/they be sorased as well?

_**Reminder if you answer this question in the reviews, you don't need to think of anything clever or pleasant to say about this story. :-P I'll see your name, I know you still care enough to respond and you still want to see more from me, so that totally equals a normal review. **_


	13. Oddly Normal

I have spent a week trying to make this better and FAILING. Sorry, but at least I tried. Thought that counts right? :-P

Thanks for reading!

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**Oddly Normal**

Her black sunglasses were still on, as Jason opened the door to his apartment. "I'm too old to drink," was all she said as she walked in.

He couldn't help but chuckle as he shut the door, she groaned as she sank into his sofa.

"Why is it so bright everywhere?"

"It's daytime Brenda, how did you get over here?" he asked with a nod, not liking the thought of her driving, when he wasn't sure she was sober yet.

"Alice," she said as she stretched out across the sofa.

"Any reason in particular?" He questioned as he moved to sit in a chair, oddly enough once more not finding Brenda's presence in his apartment unwanted.

"The house is lonely and Robin's out being productive, which," she lifted her sunglasses, "kind of makes me hate her."

He laughed again.

"Oh," she said lifting a hand to her forehead as she closed her eyes, "not a good idea. My brain might explode if you do that again."

His chuckle became silent as he smiled, "I'm guessing that means you had a good time?"

Her response was a smirk.

He debated asking her about Chris. He debated asking her about Carly.

He decided he didn't really want to know.

"What would you have done if I was out?"

"Called and told you I was in the apartment without supervision," she smirked.

He frowned because he would have come running, he wondered if this is what Spinelli felt when she talked to him.

-x-x-X-x-x-

"Last night was fun," she was still laying on the couch, an ice pack on her head, the tv on and forgotten as Jason was looking over some papers.

"Yea you looked like you were enjoying yourself when I left," he gave a mild smirk.

She rolled to the side as she pulled the icepack off her forehead, a teasing smile on her lips, "Admit it, you had fun too."

"It wasn't horrible," he gave a mild head nod.

"It felt nice," she paused looking for the right word, "it felt right. I think I forgot what that felt like."

"Why didn't you come home?" the words slipped out.

"I was working," she nodded and rolled, to once more lay flat on her back, looking at the ceiling was a safer option.

"You haven't been happy," he stated simply.

"When did you get all Dr. Phil?"

"Br-"

"When was the last time you were happy Jason?"

"May 1st last year," he answered truthfully.

She rolled back over.

"One minute I was hugging Sam; the next she was limp in my arms."

"I'm sorry," Brenda whispered.

"Everything Monica said about me is true."

"She's angry at the world."

"She's angry at me and she deserves to be," Jason corrected her.

"She loves you."

"I know," his throat tightened, "and I let her and Emily down."

"If I hug you, will that be weird?"

"Yes," he smirked.

She smiled back, brown eyes sparkling at him.

"You should stay away."

"Did that for six years, I missed everything I should have been here for."

"I don't mean Port Charles, I mean me."

"Better or worse," she smirked, "only thing I agreed to."

He smirked back, "You agreed to richer too."

She ignored that. "Emily wouldn't want you to be alone. You can push if you want, but if you haven't noticed I'm pretty stubborn."

"Are you hungry?" he asked letting the question drop. He'd survive if she left now, he always survived, but right now he was pretty sure she was the only thing making his life bearable, which made absolutely no sense, since she tended to make him want to slam his head into a wall.

She smirked again, but then quickly swung her legs off the sofa as she sat up, "Let's hit up Romano's, I could use the fresh air."

"How many times have you eaten pizza this week?"

"Jason, I've been living abroad for how many years?" It was a well known fact pizza sucked everywhere aside from NY, as it was Port Charles only had two decent places.

"You lived in Italy," he pointed out as he pulled on his coat.

She rolled her eyes as she pulled on her coat, which Jason had hung up after she had finally rolled out of it on the couch. "Italian pizza and NY pizza are two entirely different things, everyone knows that."

He gave her a look and opened the door.

"Besides, it's pizza, how can you go wrong with pizza, 3 major food groups," she shook her head walking past him and out of the apartment.

-x-x-X-x-x-

Jason didn't normally go to Romano's, there were two pizza places closer to him and honestly he never noticed any difference. It was Brenda's favorite though and Robin's as well, so he was guessing there was a good chance that technically it had probably once been his favorite as well, they had known his name over a decade ago when he first walked in, then again, everyone had always seemed to know who he was, when he didn't.

He was wondering though for the first time, why it had been the favorite?

He ignored the picture of Miguel and Brenda on the wall as he gave his order to the teenage girl with wide eyes, no doubt expecting gunfire right to explode while she was just trying to earn some spending money.

As he slid into the tacky wood booth with Brenda, he decided to ask, if life had taught him anything, there wasn't an unlimited amount of time to ask. "Why do you and Robin always come here?"

The diet Snapple went down, "Where not going somewhere else, we already ordered."

"It's not the closest; it's not the best pizza in town."

She sighed, "I already get Sal's when I'm with you and the Quartermaines."

_This hadn't been Jason Quartermaine's favorite pizza. _That fact paused him momentarily, then he remembered he had started going to Sal's because of Emily, his heart twisted inside of him. "I was just curious Brenda."

Her eyes narrowed and she gave him an untrusting look. Jason didn't ask random questions. "Robin always used to come here with her parents."

_She had never told him that._ "She never told me that."

Brenda smiled, "Robin was probably too busy explaining to you why you use a napkin every time you get food on your face rather than wait for the end."

"Food's annoying on your face; I got that one on my own."

She stared blankly at him for a moment, "Did you just make a joke?"

The corner of his lip twitched up despite his best efforts to keep it down.

-x-x-X-x-x-

It was all too normal. That was the peculiarity running through Jason Morgan's head. The sunny sky, the unseasonably warm weather, walking down the street as if this were a normal day. It was Monday so the sidewalks were once more relatively empty, most having returned to work and school after the holiday.

It was odd because it almost felt right. He almost felt normal. There was that nagging thought though in the back of his mind that never left for more than a few seconds _his sister was dead. _

Emily would never feel the sun again. Never smell the crisp air of fall. Never hear laughter again. _ Emily would never laugh again. _

The world should have stopped turning.

The logical part of him, the very first part of him, told him that was stupid. She was one person in a world of seven billion. Death was just an inescapable part of life. She was his sister though. That logical part of him, the oldest part of him, aside from his body was ignored for the more powerful, yet newer part of him, his heart, his soul.

_How could it all keep turning?_

"You know you need to drive me back to the Quartermaines right?"

"Now?"

"Nah, you're still boring me less than my empty bedroom."

-x-x-X-x-x-

"Do you not have a home?" Was the greeting Spinelli gave Brenda as he walked into his home, to yet again be confronted with **her**.

"Oh Jason didn't tell you? I'm moving back in," she flopped on the couch with her magazine, "we're going to have to work out a bathroom schedule."

Pained sounds emerged from Spinelli's throat along with choppy hand gestures as Brenda began reading her magazine.

"What did you do to him now?" Jason asked walking into the room.

"Told him I was moving in," she said not bothering to look up.

"She isn't, you can breathe again," he gave a peculiar look at Brenda, "I thought you wanted to play pool."

"Oh right," she shook her head, trying not to look confused, "I was just waiting for you."

"Old age catching up to you, Persephone?" Spinelli questioned with a smirk.

She shot him a dirty look.

-x-x-X-x-x-

"Are you sure you don't want to come with me tomorrow?" she asked one last time as Jason took the turn for the Quartermaine's driveway.

"Brenda, I have no desire to accompany you to your costume fitting."

"Ugh," she groaned and threw her whole body into it, "it's so boring though. And why didn't I cut my hair before I signed? Ugh this thing's going to last for years, I'm going to be stuck with the same haircut-"

"You know your hair has pretty much been the same for 12 years right?"

She glared at him.

"You're home," he announced as he pulled up in front of the house.

"Only slightly nicer than _get out_," she shook her head. "Sleep on it Jason, there's that really good diner-"

"I'll think about it," he stopped her.

She smiled and climbed out, "Night Jason."

-x-x-X-x-x-

He automatically went about his nightly routine once he arrived home. He went into the kitchen and cleaned up the crumbs Spinelli had left during a rush to make a snack and get away from Brenda. The thought only made him smirk a bit; he would eventually have to have a talk with her about torturing him. Not any time in the near future though.

He closed the lights starting in the kitchen, letting each room fall dark behind him. Up the stairs and down the hallway, he could see Spinelli's lights still on, no doubt the young man would be for several more hours, either online or on his Xbox. Jason tried not to judge, but seriously? What was the point of that thing? When he first heard the things that came out of Spinelli's mouth while involved in a game, he had looked at him oddly for days, which was saying a lot.

Jason's room was barren. He realized after Sam left that she had never put her touch on it. Courtney had decorated it with pictures and plants, only leaving the bedding and drapes alone because she had deemed it wasteful to replace the items that were practically new. Sam had never wanted to invade his space though; the penthouse had always remained his. He should have realized that would turn out poorly in the end.

He didn't linger over his thoughts long, didn't let his eyes even drift over to the picture frame his sister had given him last Christmas of them with Michael and Morgan. He sat on his bed and removed his boots. Leaving them where they fell at the corner of it. Pulled off his socks before standing and walking towards the bathroom, he tossed them and his shirts into the hamper. He peed, washed his hands and then began to wash his face. He looked up as he pulled his hands down along his face. All he could see were empty blue eyes and a stranger staring back at him. A man who had given up. A man who realized there was no more for him. He wondered if this was what Brenda was seeing. He wondered if she saw the truth he tried to ignore.

He did his best to shake it off and went about brushing his teeth. Then his fingers undid his belt and pulled off his jeans, folding them as he walked back into his bedroom and tossing them on a chair.

He climbed into bed, exhausted, but not tired. He hadn't slept for more than a few hours since it had happened. His brain had been unable to turn off, the moment he turned off the light and closed his eyes it replayed through his mind, Emily's end and Emily's life. So he did what he had been doing for several nights, he pulled the large book Emily had given him just prior to her death. The massive book dealt with the causes and the occurrences of the French Revolution. 'Cause and effect,' she had smiled at him, 'Nikolas thought it was fascinating and there is no way in hell I'm going to even attempt reading a book written entirely in French.'

He opened it up; its spot held by a _World's Best Uncle _bookmark Michael had given him years ago and attempted to drown out his life.

-x-x-X-x-x-

He awoke breathless, but not the bad kind of breathless. The kind where the dream still clawed at him, in the form of laughter still floating around his mind and the feeling of a soft leg hooked into his. He would have given anything to escape back into the dream he didn't remember, the feeling was enough.

He shook his head as he climbed out of bed; he looked at the clock almost 7 AM. That wasn't bad for him lately, he had slept at least 5 hours.

He should go into the warehouse, if he went now, he could check in without running into Sonny. Deal with the stuff Sonny considered menial, Sonny was the ideas man, he always had been; he always would be. He dreamed big and Jason…Jason tended not to dream. Life was what was in front of him and he dealt with it as best he could.

Life however, didn't really appeal to Jason anymore, at least not his life. Still though he walked over the chair that held his jeans, but once they were in his hands, he found himself staring out the window instead of proceeding any further. The sky was lightening; the sun was out there, rising somewhere he couldn't see.

Another day had dawned; the world once more kept turning.

His phone was in his hand and her speed dial pressed before he even thought his actions through.

"You dreamed of French Toast last night didn't you?" her voice rung with laughter.

"Want me to go or not?"

She simply laughed again.

"I'm going to go by the warehouse first; I'll call you when I'm leaving."

"K. I'll be ready."

He scoffed and hung up the phone.

* * *

BAH! Why did it refuse to work with me?! Sorry folks :-(

Random question: Not sure if I still want to do this, but if I do…Gina Cates, aka Regina Williams. Would you rather her be the original redhead or the blonde?


	14. Comfort Spectrum

_AN: Unexpected plans for Friday led to a complete waste of the day on Saturday and killed me posting once a week like I wanted to prior to VM's return. So my apologies._

_This chapter has been annoying the hell out of me. I'm giving up on it and including an end that I at least like (it was obviously written prior to this blah chapter)._

Reminders:

I believe this first part would be that Wed following Thanksgiving (ignore the booboo of Monday in the last chapter :-P)

The last part is just a random moment a few days later.

You guys probably don't care, but hey that helps me keep on track. :-P

**Where we are in the storyline:**

1) Brenda has a new crush in the form of an old one, a high school friend of Jason's.

2) Jason braved her high school peers for her sake.

3) Jax looks like an idiot again.

4) Sonny takes Brenda and Robin home. Brenda tells Sonny she doesn't regret them, despite how they ended.

* * *

**Comfort Spectrum**

An emergency forced him out of the apartment and back to the warehouse once they had returned from Smithtown and he had once more spent the better part of his time away from Brenda wondering why she seemed to be the only place he fit lately. Probably because she had been removed for so long, he hadn't hung out with her and Emily, she didn't remind him of Sam, she didn't remind him of Elizabeth and Jake. She was just Brenda, he was just Jason. Not Carly's Jason, not Sonny's, not Liz's, not Sam's just Jason.

As he approached his door and noticed the guard on it, he couldn't return their smile. "What's going on?" he asked.

"Mr. C's inside," the man nodded to the side.

Jason clenched his jaw, but didn't say anything to the guard.

She was laughing as he entered, Sonny was laughing as well and Jason briefly wondered when the last time he had seen Sonny look so relaxed and happy, then he once more remembered the whys of the situation and suddenly didn't care.

"What's going on?" he was quick to question. Forgoing any greetings.

"Sonny was just helping me run my lines," Brenda looked up with a smile.

"You came over to help Brenda run her lines?"

"Actually," Sonny automatically smiled at Brenda, "I stopped by to see you-"

"You could have called."

"I didn't mind waiting," another smile at Brenda.

"I'm going to go start dinner, you staying?" she asked Sonny as she stood, knowing to leave the boys alone to discuss, 'business.'

Sonny started to smile, then caught the look on Jason's face, "I already have plans."

"Another time," she smiled, "I'll see you later, thanks," she nodded down at the scripts.

"What do you want?" Jason asked the moment Brenda disappeared out of the room.

"I wanted to talk to you about the situation between-"

"Already took care of it," Jason nodded, referring to why he had left Brenda earlier.

"That was fast," Sonny nodded.

"It needed to be taken care of."

"That's good. So Brenda's making dinner? Should I have the paramedics on standby?"

"Go home to Kate, Sonny," Jason said stepping back and opening the door.

"Ja-"

Jason cut him off, "Stay away from her Sonny."

"I'm just-"

"You asked me to protect her," he nodded at Sonny, "stay away from her."

"We'll," Sonny began then stopped himself, it was hardly the place with a guard listening and Brenda in the other room, "I'll talk to you later."

-x-x-X-x-x-

"What happened between you and Jason Quartermaine?"

Brenda instantly regretted deciding to eat in the small room off the kitchen, which at some point had been repurposed into a dining room. _Carly no doubt. _"They were exaggerating Jason."

"What were they exaggerating?" Jason questioned, not willing to let this go. He didn't know why, just after Sonny, the thought was nagging at him.

"I was maybe…slightly…more flirty than normal after Jagger and I broke up."

Brenda being flirty wasn't out of the ordinary, he was pretty much the only person Brenda didn't flirt with.

"It seemed like more than that," he prompted.

"They're your- they were Jason's friends. If you're curious ask them," she said spearing a piece of pork and shoving it into her mouth.

He didn't need to ask, he'd heard it in their words, Jason Quartermaine had liked Brenda, the absurdity of that had been with him for almost 2 days now. "He liked you."

She looked up at him stunned, almost rattled. "No. Not really. I was there Jason."

"What does that mean?"

"Two people when they're hurt…They rebound Jason. Why are we talking about this?"

"I was curious."

"You? Curious? Twice in 2 days? Two days and you've asked more about the past than the entire time I've known you."

"You're really sensitive about it."

"Jason," she snapped.

He chuckled and took a sip of his beer.

-x-X-x-

_A couple days later…_

Returning to his apartment had changed in the past week. Just over a week ago, he would have been hoping for silence, for Lulu and Spinelli to be out doing something that he wouldn't have to rescue them from. Then one day he left his apartment and he returned an only child.

He thought that first day that all he wanted was to be left alone, grateful there was one less youngster to contend with when walking through his door. Then he realized that the silence left his thoughts too loud.

This however was **never **a greeting, he wanted or expected when opening that door.

He froze as Spinelli flung his arms around him in a bear hug within seconds of the door closing.

"Forgive me Stone Cold," the younger man said still clutching him, "all of the Jackal's vast claims of intelligence, have once more proven that the ability to-"

"What did you do," he asked with a frown as he forcefully pulled the other man off of him.

"It," his head shook as the words continued to jumble around in his mind, "it never occurred to me."

"What?" he slightly snapped, eager for his friend to reach his point.

"That you had been my age." His eyes froze and his mouth opened as no words emerged, "My age and you woke up with nothing."

"That was a long time ago Spinelli," he shook his head and walked further into the room, uncomfortable with the discussion.

"Not that long."

"My entire life," Jason shook his head and was about to keep walking when he realized there was an image of Brenda frozen on the new tv. "What is that?" he questioned. She was young, she wore no makeup, the lighting was nearly non-existent…

"Uh Persephone," Spinelli said walking over with a shaky arm-wave of explanation, "she knew of my curiosity over your former persona."

"A home video," his words were low.

Spinelli once more nervously nodded. "The summer before," he nodded.

"Me," Jason supplied still looking at the screen, her eyes looked glossy, _had she been crying?_

"Yea," Spinelli nodded and bumped into coffee table in his attempt to turn off the tv.

"No," Jason stopped him as he fumbled with the remote.

"No?" Spinelli looked back in shock; all things Quartermaine were a giant negatory when it came to Stone Cold.

"What's this of?"

"The uh…uh Quartermaines barbequing," when Jason frowned, Spinelli quickly stumbled on, "this is of course later on in the night. I must say the contents of the-" he suddenly stopped talking.

"What?"

"The Jackal assumed this was something you would not want to discuss."

"What were you going to say?" he asked with a nod forward.

"Only that I was not as surprised by the Golden One's persona as I was by the other characters on the tape."

"People Spinelli, they're people," another nod forward as he stared at the frozen tears in her eyes. _Not just people, his family. _

"Ah, of course, it's just that," his hands lifted up and froze as he sought out the words for it, "even those I know, they have greatly changed in the past decade."

"What do you mean?"

"I always assumed the Suddenly Informed One was a jock, his build and his attitude, makes one assume he would have been one of the 'cool kids' in high school." He quoted, the abhorred population that had plagued him his entire life.

He frowned, "I don't really remember Lucky that much aside from he was Emily's best friend. He always would have done anything for her. I don't know what they were like in school."

Spinelli with his arms up halfway in glee, "At last Daniel-San has something to educate you on, scrawny kids who sell worm farms do not run with the popular crowd."

Jason couldn't help but smile. "What else?"

"Your Grandmother was as kind and benevolent as everyone has always said, but she had this," his fingers tapped together looking for the word, "this sass. She wasn't a prim and proper lady, despite her appearance. And Port Charles' very own Cain…" Spinelli's eyes fell, "I didn't see that." He looked back up at Jason, "Certainly one of the obnoxiously popular kids that quite frankly the world would be best served by shipping them off to a deserted island. But in no ways did I see the Lucifer that has always been described with me."

"People change," Jason nodded but no longer looked at him. Instead, he sat down and looked Brenda for another moment, "Why is she crying?"

"She had just recently been more than ungracefully dumped by the Original Ace of the Underworld and you're…The Golden One is telling her she'll do better." Spinelli looked briefly away, "He hated this life. He hated her in it."

He swallowed, but nodded, "I know."

"I am actually late meeting Georgie at Kelly's, she is forcing a dinner with the Witchy One and her boy toy, apparently we should learn how to coexist, though how can one coexist when constantly waiting to be stabbed in the back…" he shook his head.

"Good luck," Jason said while still looking at the screen, his fingers itching to pick up the remote.

"You as well," Spinelli nodded. He turned to leave then turned back, "There was something amidst the surprise that the Jackal had suspected."

Jason turned.

"You have not changed so greatly. You are perhaps just a tarnished version of the Golden One. The things that make you, you, have not changed. You've lost your past, but not who you were." He stopped for a moment at ill-ease with this declaration, but the past month having proved things needed to be said before they couldn't be. "You are steadfast and loyal, you are a great protector."

He didn't feel like one, but he nodded just the same, "Thanks."

Spinelli let out an unsteady smile and nodded at the screen, "I think you'll like him."

Jason leaned forward and grabbed the remote as Spinelli made his way to the door. The tape was already rewinding as the door finally shut and Jason allowed himself a deep swallow.

* * *

Thanks for reading and the normal patience (great reviews last chapter btw). I'm going to try to post another chapter of something before the week ends, so if there are any you really want (or don't want) mention it now.

Btw exactly two weeks until VM's return. Fingers crossed that this is the year that they will give us BRAZEN!


	15. Attempts at Manipulation

Randoms:

1) My keyboard is possessed (ok or it needs to be cleaned), I think I caught all of the computer created boo boos, my own like being there and I'm totally not responsible for the FFN ones that pop up over time (which seriously someone needs to explain to me how that happens :-P)

2) I had SUCH a great plan in my head for Jason Q and Brenda's talk and it totally left me. Hopefully it will return and Jason Morgan can go back to watching the video.

3) The last scene just came out of nowhere, like Georgie and Spinelli just took over, so hopefully you like it, since it's been a long time since Georgie was around. :-( (**Tanilc**, I think you put her in my head with the last chapter)

4) **Moon Firestar** – yea someone needs to do a fic about Brenda meeting everyone that's tried to fill the void.

5) **Salena12**- You totally made me feel better about that chapter. However considering I only like the end of this chapter as well, I'm going to go with it's just a theme lately. :-P I probably need some Brazen on their own to cure me.

6) **THANK YOU FOR ALL THE REVIEWS. Like seriously everyone who is reading The Adventures of Charlie Sawyer, totally awesome.**

-Granted I'm totally suspicious as to how that chapter got 5 reviews for only 40 hits, however since that's probably never going to happen again I'm just going to enjoy it.

* * *

Attempts at Manipulation

_::Video::_

"On the grill we have Dr. Alan Quartermaine burning the hot dogs," AJ announced.

"They're not burnt, they're-"

"They're black Dad," he pointed out.

"The skin has to darken; it isn't a grilled hot dog unless it has the crisp-"

"Cook has some already made in the kitchen," Reginald reassured.

"Thank god," AJ said as the camera zoomed on burgers already resembling hockey pucks.

"We're having a family barbeque as in the family is doing the cooking," Alan reprimanded.

"Oh really, Mom did you make the salads and coleslaw?" the camera turned to Monica who had her hair up in a ponytail, her face free of makeup.

"Don't start AJ, I unlike your father can cook."

"Ha!" Alan barked.

"I used to-" she nodded, "okay so maybe it's been awhile since I've had to cook. It can't be that difficult."

"I believe our son asked you a question Monica."

She glared at her husband, then turned to Reginald, "You should tell Cook to start reheating." She turned to her son, "Go see if the girls have Jason tied to the chaise because I sent him for them five minutes ago."

"Hey guys," AJ screamed, "food poisonings' ready."

"Real mature AJ," his father replied.

-x-x-X-x-x-

Jason sat captive by the video. Captive by a family that functioned. Emily had tried to tell him that more than once, that they weren't always drama, that underneath it all they had been a normal family. A family that loved each other. He couldn't figure out if it was easier or harder to watch that young Emily that he had first met. Watch her laugh, frown and play with her family and Lucky as they ate their meal with snatches of food being given to the dogs despite repeated scoldings. That little girl had been gone a long time, the harsh realities of life had forced her to mature and then those harsh realities took her from them forever.

Gone as well was the father who sat discussing cases with his youngest son, discussed upcoming classes and sat warning him of a professor he would have that upcoming year.

Gone was the grandmother, who laughed at her family and good naturedly scolded them, sitting between Edward and Brenda, rolling her eyes at her husband and admiring the nail polish Brenda and Emily had applied while they were drying off from the pool.

Gone was a brother he had never seen or at least never acknowledged, maybe he had been before him a time or two, but never long enough to make an impression in his mind. The man who had put the camcorder on top of a lazy Susan after making it eye level, despite everyone complaining about being caught eating. The man who repeatedly made the table laugh, even Jason a time or two a decade later. There was no malice in his voice towards his brother, their father yes, but never his brother. Competitive when it came to sports, but never the malice Jason was used to hearing. It unnerved Jason to realize that he probably was the cause of the person AJ spiraled into, just as everyone always suggested.

Jason kept watching though. He rejoined the day at various points depending on who and when the video camera was picked up next. He watched a tennis match between the two brothers with the girls providing commentary as they sipped virgin Pina Coladas.

He watched as they forced Reginald into the pool for a game of volleyball because the teams were uneven.

He watched as it grew late and the sun began to dip in the sky, then suddenly it was night and the camera was walking towards Brenda sitting alone on the patio.

-x-x-X-x-x-

_::Video::_

"Where's Lois?" Jason asked.

"Ned's got a gig tomorrow, they she went down to the gatehouse to pack."

"And you're sitting here in the dark alone because?" he said coming around to face her.

She pointed down at the lone candle holding off the mosquitoes.

"Fine in the candlelight," Jason said sitting to face her.

"AJ took Emily and Lucky to rent a movie and get ice cream," she smirked at him.

"So you decided to sit out here on your own?"

She simply looked ahead for a moment before speaking, "Does Keesha know how lucky she is?"

"I'm the lucky one," the chair scrapped back as Jason pushed back so he could stretch out.

"Exactly my point," Brenda's legs lifted up to rest on Jason's seat.

"So this is about Sonny."

"Don't start Jason," she shook her head gently at him.

"I just want you to see that you deserve more than Sonny."

"You liked Sonny," she defended.

"Aside from how he treated you and what he does for a living, I have no problems with Sonny. I just wish that you would see that you-"

"Don't Jason."

"You deserve it all Brenda, I don't doubt that Sonny loves you, but you deserve to be safe. You deserve to be with someone who puts your safety above any financial gain, you deserve to be with someone that can be honest with you."

"J-"

"His life is no way to live; it's no way to expect people you love to live-"

-x-x-X-x-x-

Jason Morgan slammed the video off, unable to hear his words. The words he now knew to be true, the words that were keeping him from being a father to Jake.

He had had regrets about his life, but none like this past week. He seemed to regret every choice and those missing two decades belonging to Jason Quartermaine were no longer a relief, but pained him realizing all the memories he was missing of Emily that he would have had otherwise. Jason Quartermaine had only been her brother for a year, but Jason Morgan would do anything for those memories.

He let his head drop back on the couch for a moment as he closed his eyes wishing away all of his thoughts. When that didn't work, he stood, grabbed his keys and his jacket and decided to try speed instead.

-x-X-x-x-X-x-x-X-x-x-X-x-x-X-x-x-X-x-x-X-x-x-X-x-x-X-x-x-X-x-x-X-x-

The next night:

"They were right. Silence is golden," Spinelli sighed as he settled onto the couch with Georgie.

She laughed.

"What does one do when one's mentor needs mentoring?" Spinelli turned and asked the Wise One.

"What happened now?" she asked trying to keep a straight face.

"They fight for the sake of fighting," he threw his hands up in the air.

She bit her lip this time to hold it in. "Well that we know," her voice squeaked from trying to keep it in, "what were they fighting about now?"

"Going to Jakes as in Persephone asked Stone Cold to accompany her and the Fair Doctor."

"Robin's hanging out with Jason?" Georgie's face suddenly scrunched in thought.

"Yes," Spinelli rolled his eyes, "along with Mr. OMG."

"Oh my god-"

Spinelli automatically frowned at one of the banes of his existence, Chris Sellenger.

"You don't think it's a double date do you?"

He frowned.

"Okay, let me rephrase you don't think Brenda set it up as a double date do you?"

"Her dearest friend and her former husband, the Jackal doubts even Per-"

"One of the reasons why Persephone stays away from Poseidon," she spoke in Spinelli speak.

Awareness dawned on him, "If Stone Cold were to return to Fair Robin, then Persephone would have no choice, but to stay away from him," his eyes were wide.

Georgie's face scrunched in shock.

"This will turn out most poorly. For as much as the Jackal prefers the cousin of his most wise friend. This week has left him with little doubt that despite all of their idiosyncrasies and downright infuriating behaviors, it is meant to be Stone Cold and Persephone. Though no doubt sharing an abode with the Fair Doctor, who is orderly and calm and respectful of another person's belongings," he began to fume and ended with a frown. "Stone Cold needs Persephone." _He hated admitting that._

"We're okay," she tried to reassure them both with a weak head shake, "Robin won't go back to Jason, she loves Patrick." _Patrick, who wouldn't have babies and Jason, who Robin helped raise Michael. _Her dad's head was going to explode.

They sighed in unison and let their heads fall back on the couch.

-x-X-x-

Their heads swiftly turned as the front door swung open and stumbled out a quick greeting to Jason's curt one, as he never paused in his stride to the kitchen, remaining in his leather jacket. Jumping to their feet, there were several whacks between the two of them as they near silently squabbled going after Jason, but their hands quickly fell to their sides as Jason returned with a beer already half finished and they remained standing and staring at him.

_They were going through an awful lot of alcohol since Persephone's return. _"Did you not just leave Jakes?" Spinelli questioned.

"I was driving," was Jason's quick reply.

Georgie gave Spinelli a quick whack on the thigh when the two sides remained in silence.

"Wi…Uh Georgie and I were-uh-"

"Did Brenda try to set you up with Robin?" Georgie blurted out.

The beer froze in his hand. "Did you two know that before I went there?"

"Wi…Wise Georgie, was able to quickly deduce Persephone's plans when I mentioned your night's activities. Shall we take it by the nearly finished cerveza that the night did not go according to Persephone's plans?"

"I don't want to talk about it," he threw back the rest of the beer and turned towards the kitchen. His phone vibrating before he reached the room. "I don't want to talk about this anymore," was all they heard as he entered the kitchen.

"You shouldn't meddle in people's lives," was heard as he exited the kitchen.

"No I'm not mad," was said as he headed towards the stairs and said "Night" to them. "No I am not hanging up on you," was said as he climbed the last step.

They sighed in unison and collapsed onto the couch.

"Most difficult," Spinelli repeated what was becoming his catchphrase with Brenda.

"Well we learned something important here tonight."

"The Jackal would be most intrigued to find out as to what that was Most Insightful One."

"Brenda's the one we need to convince," she decided with a resolute nod.

"Are you sure? She is most flighty-"

She nodded again thinking about it, "She's the one making all the moves, Jason's just reacting. There's no way we're going to talk Jason into making a move if she's with someone else and trying to set him up."

"So how does the Wise and Wonderful Georgie suggest we accomplish such a feat."

She turned to look at him in disbelief, "Don't expect miracles from me tonight. Whatever we do, it isn't going to be easy. Brenda's probably one of the most stubborn people I've ever met. I mean if she hasn't caught on after like a decade…"

Their heads rolled to the front again.

"Most difficult," they repeated in unison.

* * *

**Thanks for reading everyone!**

Would anyone like to put in a vote for what gets updated next (this was Reddragen's vote).

Options are:

Slippery Slope

Discovering Who You Become

The Adventures of Charlie Sawyer

The Path to (Moments in Life)- the one where Brenda and Jason get locked in a vault.

We Were Friends Once

A Random One Shot


	16. Trapped in the Past

**Reviews:**

OMG SPOILED…Six reviews for seven hits? REALLY? OMG I love what you guys being excited about VM's return is doing to reviews! Like that does not EVER happen. Totally crazy. 9 reviews total beyond crazy. Seriously beyond inspiring. Speaking of beyond inspiring, I came home to 8 reviews for WWFO and then proceeded to get 5 more, so seriously tv was totally skipped tonight. May I just say WOAH to you guys, beyond awesome. I adore you.

**Georgie Statement:**

I am sooo glad a bunch of you liked the Georgie/Spin part. I loved it! I have no idea where it came from, it just appeared on my screen. Like, I seriously thought Brenda was just torturing Jason with time out at Jakes with her crush and best friend, Georgie had to tell me otherwise. Haha I love how the 2 clueless couples are so worried about each other and it totally makes sense that Brenda and Spinelli are the most concerned and Jason and Georgie are supporting them (and let's be honest keeping their actions within reason :-P). Btw Georgie is not dead she was taken by the WSB to be trained or maybe an organization to be brainwashed and fight against the WSB. Spinelli will totally find proof of this in a few years, I have faith because seriously Georgie was awesome.

**This Chapter:**

Hmm, I realized there had been a small problem when I went to start writing. I'm totally missing some scenes inside of the Q Mansion. Like Brenda seeing Monica with all of the videos and pictures was how she realized she could show Spinelli what the Q's used to be like. Then the last scene, okay I kinda watched the Brenda bath fantasy one too many times yesterday. ::Sigh:: Seriously can someone go have a talk with SB and discuss spending more time on the treadmill and less time on the weights? Oooh and DEFINITELY get him to do some back exercises, seriously the guy is curved over like a frat boy, I will keep quiet about his grab worthy locks compared to…Well seriously Brenda better have issues with this BAD military cut. :-P

* * *

**Trapped in the Past**

The Night of Brenda's Return:

She pushed the door open to Jason's room, walking in tentatively after that afternoon's fiasco. Letting the room slowly affect her, instead of its flood prior, clutching the Mighty Mouse against her. _Maybe he could save her from the pain._

Her fingers trailed over surfaces, her mind trying to find a balance between the extremes. It felt like yesterday and ages ago all in one. She smiled touching their prom picture; pretty sure he'd only put it up because his mother had the professional shot framed. "I don't know how I'm supposed to help you," she whispered. She shook her head and suddenly looked upward, tears pooling in her eyes.

The panic was back, the anguish and the despair.

It was a decade ago, Jason sitting at his desk doing work. Her barging in and collapsing on his bed to talk. Emily and Lucky popping in to say goodbye or tell them of some great adventure they had just gone on. AJ coming in to make an inappropriate comment or twelve. Reginald making the rounds to see who would be staying for dinner…

She had blinked and it was all over.

Their futures ended or did a 180.

Everything that had been so clear turned into a blur.

She didn't recognize their lives anymore.

She recognized him though. She had spent years trying to ignore him, it hadn't been until she left that she realized she still saw him. He hadn't really left them. She didn't need to hate him anymore for leaving them because he hadn't.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

The Night of Emily's Funeral:

She paused by Monica's door as she made her way to her guest bedroom. They'd given her the option of a different one than the one she had occupied as a teenager, but just as she had then she chose the one near Jason's room. It had its own bathroom with a shower, she remembered having to steal the boy's bathroom off the hallway for long soaks. She'd had a lot of good daydreams in that tub and if sitting still wasn't guaranteed to get her thinking, a long soak sounded amazing.

She was pretty sure wanting to veg and let her mind wander wasn't something she'd want to do anytime in the near future. She gathered her courage and knocked on Monica's door.

"Come in."

She plastered a smile on her face, which immediately fell as she saw the image frozen on the tv screen, Emily and Lucky doing some dance routine.

Monica put down the remote on her bed; she was surrounded by a sea of pictures and photo albums.

"I just wanted to check in and see how you were doing," Brenda forced herself to speak.

'Hmm," Monica shrugged, "better than Alice's suicide watch. She's come by every twenty minutes with something different."

"We just want to be here for you," Brenda nodded and wished Lois was still around to put her foot in her mouth and break the tension.

Monica sighed and patted the bed next to her. "Four children," she nodded looking down at the pictures once Brenda sat. "They're all gone because I-"

"Ja-"

Monica turned sharply, "Don't say his name."

Brenda shut her mouth.

"There are all of these photos and videos and I wasn't there for any of it," her hands went up and then down. "I promised Paige I'd protect her little girl. Dawn's adoptive mother kept her safe her entire childhood and a few years with me…" Monica shook her head. Monica pulled a photo albums of the boys closer, "I sent two little boys off to boarding school and they came back grown men and I don't understand why I didn't have more time for them. They came home for visits and I don't know what happened."

"Mo-"

She shook her head. Then out of nowhere she chuckled to herself, "When was the last time you saw this," she grabbed a brown leather photo album with a picture of Brenda and Jason in their caps and gowns on the cover.

Brenda felt her throat tighten as she accepted the book, "Probably not since the accident." It hadn't been long after she had gone to see Lila and stopped by Jason's recently repaired room. She remembered falling apart a few pages in, she remembered running to the gatehouse and collapsing on Lois's couch.

She cautiously opened it. There was Jason in all of his slim faced, surfer haired glory. She laughed and touched the picture, "I miss him having good hair."

"I miss him," Monica admitted, "so desperately. I will never forgive myself for what I let happen to him."

"Mon-"

She shook her head, "It's late. We've had a long day. It's at least time for me to turn in. You can take that with you, if you want."

"Okay," Brenda nodded helplessly, realizing she was being dismissed.

"Sweet dreams Brenda," Monica nodded.

"You too," she nodded again, clueless as to what else to do.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Two nights later:

"What are you doing my dear?" Edward asked pushing open the door to Jason's room.

"Nothing," she shook her head and turned away from the window. He didn't need to know that the thought of hanging out with Chris and all of his high school friends had flooded her with memories of Jason and the past.

"You're dressed too nicely to be doing nothing," he nodded at her.

She smiled, "Going to the Metro Court."

"Oh that's nice. I hate to admit it, but Carly's done a nice job with the place, not my taste, but it's nice. Her staff could use a little more training if you ask my opinion."

Brenda laughed.

"Going with Robin?"

She nodded, "And a few people from high school, I'm going to see if I can get Jason to go with me."

"Oh Brenda, not you too," he shook his head at her. "As much as you want him to be our Jason, he never will be. It's better just to save yourself the heartache now."

"He isn't that….Okay like 80% of the time, he's completely not that Jason. All the times that it really counts though-"

"My dear," Edward said walking further into the room. "You're doing exactly Emily did for years and look where it got her."

She shook her head at him, "You don't know him. You don't even try to know him. I thought the same until-" She shook her head again. "I don't have time to do this. I'll be home late."

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Night of Brenda's Failed Double Date:

She chuckled into the phone as Jason hung up on her, she would seriously never understand how being a prude stayed with him and not his sense of humor. The moment he realized she was about to climb into a tub of bubbles he ended their conversation.

She shimmied out of the skinny jeans seriously hoping that they were wrong and that this particular trend would kick the bucket soon. Having to sit down to get her jeans over her feet was just not cool. Not to mention her feet killed from the stilettos she had crammed them into for hours. _The price of beauty…_

She clipped up her hair and then stepped into the tub and slid into the lavender scented bubbles making a mental note to pick up candles the next time she went shopping.

"Screw Jason. If he wants to be miserable and alone forever that's his choice," she said closing her eyes. "Chris Sellenger," she said waving her hands in front of her trying to draw the fantasy in.

Jason instead popped up in a black shirt and jeans. "Really Brenda don't you think you're a little old for these fantasies."

Her eyes flew open, "Ugh." She shook it off, "Come on wavy hair and dimples."

"And why are you never wearing clothing?" Jason asked as soon as she shut her eyes.

"Ah," she yelled and her hands slammed down into the bubbles. "This is not happening," she muttered to herself.

Her fingers tapped along the side before her head tilted, her eyes lifted and she smirked, "Jason with good hair." She closed her eyes smiling.

He snorted at her, unchanged.

"UGH!" she moaned and shot out of the tub, doing her best not to bust her ass as she scrambled to the phone and hit redial. "Are you sure you're not mad at me?"

"Are you in the tub?"

"No Jason, I'm fully covered in a long robe, now answer the question," she said as she grabbed the waiting plush towel.

"I already told you I wasn't mad at you."

"Are you really not mad or are you-"

"I'm not mad-"

"Annoyed?" she cut him off.

He didn't respond.

"I was just trying to be a friend and-"

"Brenda, I can manage my own love life," he pointed out.

"Since when?" her nose scrunched in disbelief.

"Okay now I'm mad."

She sighed. "Fine, I will not try to get you and Robin back together. Are you happy?"

Jason tentatively stared over at his phone, he knew this would somehow bite him in the ass, but it was late so instead he said, "Thank you."

"Good."

"So that was a quick bath," he commented, she normally stayed in, until she was a prune.

He stared at the phone in confusion as the call ended. "Did she just growl?" He questioned aloud. His eyes went wide and he quickly put the phone down. He wasn't calling her back tonight.

* * *

Thanks for reading! I'm sorry it was kind of a filler chapter, but it was all of the stuff that was getting skipped because I totally prefer writing Brazen. :-P

Umm seriously someone pick something besides Slippery Slope for the next update. As in it's out of the running. Let's pick between Discovering Who You Become or The Path to (Moments in Life) as in they already have parts written. :-P


	17. Oblivious and Observant

reddragen: yea they sooo did not need to kill her off. they just don't seem to understand that if an actor wants to leave or they can't come up with a current storyline they don't need to just off the character. gh is a big fan of kill, shoot, get knocked up, sleep with sonny. ::sigh::

bath time: we could really use some good fantasies on the shows. jason on his bike, lucky on his guitar, ethan singing, johnny on his piano, jax topless and keeping his mouth shut. sonny being carted off to jail/mental hospital for a very long time. :-P

**AN: ** Haha. Voting so did not work because I needed a break from DWYB. So you guys get this. Thanks for the reviews on DWYB and you guys did killer with the last chapter of this. I was totally expecting the short chapter to be ignored.

* * *

**Oblivious and Observant**

"Have we formulated anything resembling a plan yet?" Spinelli asked an hour later as all they managed to do what shoot down everything they came up with.

"Yea I need to figure out how to ask Maxie without letting her know that I'm sabotaging Brenda and Mr. OMG," Georgie nodded, this was definitely Maxie's area of expertise. "I need to get home before my dad puts out an APB."

"The Top Cop would take great joy in arresting me," he nodded.

She laughed, "Yea we need to get Mac a hobby."

"Fatherly concern does not seem too horrible to the Jackal, it seems much preferable to the alternative."

"Yea," she smiled, "I don't know what I would do without him." She suddenly laughed, "Not to mention Maxie would probably be impossible."

"What is she now?"

Georgie laughed again by the door and then shook her head. "Try to get some sleep."

-o-o-o-

Jason woke up twisting and turning again, covered in a sheen of sweat, he peeled off his blankets and wondered if Spinelli had jacked the thermostat again despite his warnings.

He couldn't sit still, he couldn't relax, he couldn't rest. He wondered if he ever would be able to again. He stood. He kept moving, he kept busy; he kept his mind occupied.

He pulled on workout gear; he would push his body to the point of pain to block out the thoughts. Be too exhausted and rushed to think as he got ready to go pick up Brenda. Then he could relax, she never left him alone long enough for a lull to truly occur.

-o-o-o-

"Uh Stone Cold," Spinelli hesitated.

"What?" Jason asked as he poured a bowl of cereal. He had pushed his workout too long; he had five minutes to eat breakfast in order to still be on time. Brenda had been at the door waiting for him every time he was picking he up, he was well aware that she hadn't had a miraculous personality change since she still arrived late every time they were meeting elsewhere. _Monica would never forgive him, nor did he deserve it._

"The Jackal thought he would inquire about last night's…debacle?"

"I don't want to talk about it," he shoved a bite of cereal into his mouth.

"Did Persephone have a reason for her actions?"

"Does Brenda ever say anything that makes any sense?"

"Valid argument," Spinelli nodded. He waited a moment, "Do you and Persephone have any plans for the evening?"

"I don't know what she's doing," Jason said following it up with his last bite as he stood, he ignored the way his breakfast hit his stomach as he stood.

"Wise Georgie is having a contradictory-"

"Spinelli," Jason snapped as he rinsed his bowl.

"Would you and Persephone think about saving the Jackal's friendship with his faithful friend because I may launch the Witchy Blonde down the lane."

"You're going bowling with Maxie?" Jason made a face.

"That was the Jackal's reaction as well, I was thinking of asking Lulu to-"

"You're going to invite Lulu? Don't Georgie and Maxie-"

Spinelli smiled, "Georgie is a most kind and forgiving person she said-"

Jason waved his hand, "I'll ask Brenda. I'll talk to you later."

-o-o-o-

"Lulu?" Brenda dropped her head to the side and gave Jason a dirty look.

"I'm not him Brenda, what do you want me to do."

"She needs a date," Brenda nodded decisively.

"Stop trying to set people up."

She frowned. "Can't be that Johnny kid, I'm sorry, I get that it was his dad and not him, but totally not happening. Wasn't Edward worried about some kid that worked for you?"

"Milo?"

Brenda shrugged, "Goon isn't really specific."

"Probably Milo that was last year."

"What happened?"

"Brenda, I do my best to stay out of their personal lives."

"Oh whatever, give me your phone."

-o-o-o-

"Oh god we're old," Brenda announced as they walked into the bowling alley.

"Why," Jason asked not looking forward to the answer.

"Because that used to be us," she pointed at a group of kids, "and then I blinked my eyes and now I have to use a night cream."

Jason looked over at the wholesome little group having slushies and nachos, laughing with each other.

"Oh god, why are we with young people?" The disgust was evident in her voice.

"Because you're pushy and nosey and-"

"Okay," her hand went up, "I got it. Can you just get me a six and a half. I need a drink."

-o-o-o-

"Milo really?" Lulu asked as she was hunched down low with Spinelli under the guise of trying to find a ball.

"I do not begin to understand Persephone's reasoning. However, we will worry about her insanities after we figure out how to get Persephone and Poseidon together. Before she can do any more damage to their relationship before it has even begun."

"I still can't see them together-" her brow narrowed.

"Okay seriously guys," Georgie nearly sung the words as she kept smiling, "you're being more than a little obvious. Grab a ball and let's go."

-o-o-o-

"This is weird," Cooper whispered in Maxie's ear as she modified their names on the scoreboard from Spinelli's.

"Weird doesn't even begin to cover it," she said softly with a smile on her face. "However I love Georgie and if Georgie thinks that this is a good way to spend her Friday night and sister time, then I am not even going to complain. I am just going to sit here and smile and pretend that Lulu and Spinelli don't even exist."

"Should I remind you that I work for the PCPD? And we'e sitting across from-"

"Nope, I already know and Mac knows that this is not our choice and he would much rather you and I were here watching my little sister."

"Fair enough."

"Yup," she nodded. "Okay, all done. Don't let Spinelli near it again. I'm not kidding. Shoot him if necessary."

-o-o-o-

"Okay I've got plenty of finger room," Brenda said muttering to herself in front of Jason as she stood with the ball. "Bring it forward then back, don't let my arm get loose, then I-" she stopped as she started to swing the ball forward, "where do I turn my wrist?"

He frowned for a moment thinking, "Around it reaching your leg."

"What am I supposed to do about the arrows and the marks?"

"Do you need me to go up there with you?"

She smiled.

-o-o-o-

"I hate bowling," Brenda said dropping to the seat.

Maxie let out a chortle, "I've got to say, I think the feeling is mutual."

"I once managed to get the ball in the next lane."

"Um, how is that possible?" Lulu asked as she stood to limber up for her turn.

"Jason and AJ in all of their infinite wisdom thought that getting these inflatable bumper lanes turned on would be a good idea. They weren't." She scowled. "Jackasses," she muttered under her breath.

The girls all burst out laughing.

"Yea Robin ended up on the floor laughing so hard."

"Oh my god we need to get the bumpers up," Lulu said walking to the console, "Spinelli how do you do this."

"You do not need bumpers," Jason ordered walking back.

"Says the guy with the highest score."

"If you just focused-" Jason stopped as he saw Sonny walking in with the kids, Kate and Max.

Milo's hand automatically shot up in a wave, until he realized that would look unprofessional.

"Mac is going to have my head," Cooper bemoaned.

Even Brenda frowned first before waving; Michael caught sight of them and ran over.

Jason did his best to greet the children as he waited for Sonny to shuffle over as Kate looked around in horror.

-o-o-o-

"What are you doing Sonny?" Jason asked cornering his partner.

"Like I told you earlier, when Max mentioned bowling, Michael thought it was a good idea."

_Sonny couldn't even bend. _"So you go to the one Brenda's at?"

"We're on the opposite side of the alley Jason."

"You're doing it again," he warned the other man.

"Doing what?"

"Infiltrating her life."

"Infil-"

"You decided to walk away from her Sonny."

"Jason I'm just trying to be friendly-"

"There is nothing friendly about your intentions. Stay away from her Sonny."

"J-"

"Everything alright fellows?" Kate intervened as she approached.

"Fine," Jason nodded and walked away.

"What was that?" Kate asked her boyfriend.

"Jason's been having some issues since Emily. Doesn't concern you."

-o-o-o-

"You okay?" Jason asked as he realized Brenda had spaced out.

"How is that kid so dumb?" she asked.

Jason realized with relief that she was looking at Spinelli mooning over Lulu, while Georgie tried to ignore them both and pay attention to her sister.

"You keep chasing them, but if they don't want to be caught by you…" she shook her. "waste years on the wrong one and you get to just look like an idiot," another shake, "time and time again. Ugh," she ended with a scoff, "I need another drink and if those teenagers come near me, I'm gonna punch one."

He laughed after her, then felt his smile fall as his eyes once more left Spinelli and Lulu, and went to Georgie, looking over her sister's shoulder to Spinelli.

-o-o-o-

"You're trying to break up Brenda and Mr. OMG," Maxie yelled the moment they got into Cooper's car.

"They're hardly together, they haven't even been out alone," Georgie defended.

"Wait, you're trying to set Brenda up with her ex husband?" Cooper questioned. Maxie had gotten quiet then loud at the alley and frankly he was relieved her annoyance was directed at her sister.

"Technically it was annulled."

"It was annulled because there was never anything going on between them," Maxie was quick to point out.

"Did you see how he acts with her?"

"Oh, you mean like he's almost human instead of totally brain damaged?"

"That's hardly fair-"

"Georgie," Maxie said twisting further in her seat. "Jason is Robin's ex. That would be like me dating Dillon."

"Robin's moved on."

"You never move on," Maxie shook her head at her. "Never like that," she amended.

"B-"

Maxie raised a finger, "Brenda is a model and an actress. Jason is a thug. Granted he's a cute thug, though seriously his hair has got to go." She shook her head to get back on track, "OMG works at ELQ. His suits are-"

"Oh my god really? You're judging by where he works and shops?"

"No I am judging him by the fact that he is not a hit man!"

"You can't help who you love," Georgie declared.

"You don't need to shove her into Jason's arms."

-o-o-o-

"Thanks for the ride," Lulu said as she climbed out of Jason's SUV.

"No problem."

"Night Jason," Brenda smiled.

"Night."

She stared for a moment longer before shutting the door.

-o-o-o-

"Were you trying to set me up with Milo?" Lulu asked as she followed Brenda into her room.

"No Johnny," Brenda ordered.

"You don't even-"

"Seriously?" her head tilted. "Can't anyone just accept the fact that I've been through this all before? Learn from my mistakes? Hadn't Dillon been all over you?" She knew Logan was out of the question, she wasn't really a big fan of Edward's head exploding. _Seriously she didn't regret Sonny, but if they had never been …_

"Yea because I tricked him into sleeping with me, got pregnant and had an abortion."

Brenda stared at the young woman after her matter of fact declaration. "Wow. Things no one told me about."

"Yea well, probably not one of the prouder moments in Quartermaine history."

"Did he know that you tricked him?" Brenda forgot that she had been removing her earrings and stared in continued shock.

"Yea," she nodded.

"And about the abortion?"

"Yea."

"Did want the-"

"He wanted the baby," Lulu shifted uncomfortably.

Brenda nodded slowly, "So he saw all the ugly and he still wanted you."

Lulu felt her entire body clench. "Maybe I don't want someone who's seen me like that," she abruptly shook her head.

"Then you're going to go from one relationship to the next," Brenda finally removed the other earring.

"I'm not you, Brenda," Lulu could hear the hurtful words as she lashed out and stormed out of the room.

Brenda looked at her reflection in the mirror for a moment, "Lucky her."

-o-o-o-

"Is everything in place?"

"Has anyone ever told you, you are an incredibly impatient man Mr. Lansing?" Helena questioned.

"If you'd been waiting as long as I have, you'd be impatient as well."

"Which is all the more reason to make it perfect," she explained.

"So that's a no?"

"Quite the opposite. I have men on Miss Barrett when the opportunity strikes they'll make their move."

"What are they waiting for?"

"The timing to be perfect. You'll understand when you see."

* * *

Thanks for reading! I hope you liked it. I know the scenes were short, but well it was bowling. :-P


	18. The Vicious Cycle

AN (from awhile ago):

**Story:** Umm oops, for those who didn't remember the chapter from a year ago, Mr. Lansing is Trevor, Ric has a good back story in my mind for me to deal with what a waste GH made of him.

**Salena** kind of seriously rocks. Brazen vids and pics rock my world (or at least the floor below as I get up and jump for joy and do a little shake). Jason laughing while in the limo with Brenda… ::SIGH:: (BTW there is a gush of love at the start of the next Path to…)

**Current AN:** I swear my keyboard like breaks (and I don't mean the r I've been working without for ages). Like I have no idea how the stories appear on my screen, so I have no idea how to fix it when they refuse to appear. I am very sorry when this happens, I do try to make it work. That being said the first part of this story was sooo good in my head and failed on the screen and the last part….Umm I tried to make the chapter longer and ummm…That was not the talk they were supposed to have.

Caving and posting this chapter with apologies. I am sooo not in love with it. Thanks for reading, I'm sorry if it sucks.

* * *

**The Vicious Cycle**

The dvd Brenda left was still in its case as Jason wandered the penthouse long after Spinelli had gone to bed. It called to him yet again as sleep eluded him, plagued with memories of Emily and fears about Sonny.

He scooped it up on his return from the kitchen for a glass of water and made his way upstairs to see the life that had existed for those he cared about before his existence.

-o-o-o-

_The Quartermaines:_

_He awoke in bed, slamming off his alarm. The familiar sight of his bedroom. Pristine as always. He was cocooned, warm and safe in his bed, he didn't want to leave it, yet he knew he had to. He ran a hand over his face as he sat up. He made his way out of his room, still dressed in his pajamas, plaid bottoms and a white shirt._

_Down the hallways, down the back stairs, into the kitchen. He smiled seeing them._

_Monica having a discussion with Cook. Alan filling two travel mugs._

_Emily, Brenda and AJ sitting dressed at the table, AJ eating a bowl of cereal while Brenda and Emily both had stacks of pancakes in front of them drowning in syrup and butter._

_"Morning," Jason announced._

_They kept talking._

_"Hey Brenda give me a bite?" AJ asked._

_"If you wanted pancakes you should have asked for pancakes," she defended her plate._

_"Oh come on," he appealed in shock. Seeing no give from her he turned to his sister, "Em, you'll share with me right?"_

_Emily turned to Brenda._

_"No, don't look at her, I'm your brother."_

_"Morning," Jason said approaching again._

_"Okay we're off," Monica announced to the table._

_"You kids have a good day," Alan smiled, "try not to get into too much trouble."_

_"Who? Us? Trouble?" Brenda smiled back._

_Alan chuckled._

_"Alan come on, we're going to be late for the meeting," Monica called from the door._

_"Bye," the table called out in unison._

_"More pancakes girls?" Cook asked walking over to the table._

_"Hey what about me?" AJ frowned._

_"You're the one that said he wanted cereal," Cook shook her head at him._

_"I did until they started eating pancakes in front of me," he tried to charm Cook._

_"That'll teach you to say yes the next time," she curtly nodded her head at him. "Girls?"_

_They stopped their sniggering._

_"No thanks," they both replied._

_AJ stopped frowning and picked up his spoon again._

_Jason however kept frowning as Cook walked away ignoring him._

_"So what are we doing today?" AJ asked._

_"Don't you have work?" Emily asked._

_"Playing hooky," he nodded at them, "so what's on the agenda today girls?"_

_"You going to work and us having a girls day."_

_"Hey I do girls' days," he defended._

_"Hello," Jason called out, getting annoyed at being ignored._

_"Yea, but we're not letting you crash this girls' day," Brenda smirked._

_"HELLO!" Jason screamed at them._

He shot awake with his heart pounding and the dream quickly slipping away. He looked at his tv with disdain and now knew why he had avoided such things in the past.

-o-o-o-

The next afternoon, the Q's:

"Fine," Brenda agreed with a smile as she was stretched across her bed, "epic fail. I promise I won't try to set you up with Jason again."

"Thank you," Robin smiled at her friend as she continued flipping through the photo albums Brenda still had in her room. "My hair was horrible."

"No your hair was cute, mine was scary," Brenda laughed. "Seriously though, you want kids, Jason loves kids."

"Stop it," Robin ordered.

She moved on, "You should just adopt, pregnancy seriously does not sound like fun."

Robin began to laugh and soon doubled over.

"What's so funny?" Brenda asked with a smile.

"The thought of you pregnant, oh my god I think we'd have to find a way to sedate you through half of it."

"So not funny," Brenda responded looking thoroughly unamused.

"No, you'd be completely awful," she responded still laughing.

"If you and Jason could just make up then I wouldn't need to have kids. I could just play with yours."

Robin tried to stop laughing and failed.

-o-o-o-

Liz wasn't particularly looking forward to being on duty. No Em to talk to, the knowledge that her kids were with Lucky and Sam… Jason hadn't come by in days. It felt like she had barely spoken to him and she couldn't stand the fact that he was sticking to the plan of letting Lucky be Jake's father even though she had been the one to ask that of him originally.

_'He's right you know,' Jason said stepping out into the living room as Lucky left after his passionate speech about why he should and wanted to remain Jake's father. 'Everything he said, everything about my life. The reasons you chose him to be Jake's father,' he nodded gently. _

_'Ja-' _

_'I should go,' he left before she could stop him._

"It was the weirdest double date ever, or quadruple date," Andrea told Sandra, both younger nurses having graduated PCHS years after her.

Sandra laughed, "Come on with Maxie Jones are you really surprised?"

Liz remembered now, they had both been in Maxie's year.

"The Police Commissioners daughters and mobsters?" Drea laughed.

"And I think Maxie's boyfriend is a cop," Sandy nodded.

"Sooo odd," Drea's dark ponytail swung as she agreed.

"It sounds like a bad joke, what do you get when you put a model, a cop, 2 mobsters, a computer nerd and 2 daughters of the police commish."

Liz's heart stopped, she quickly gathered her wits as the girls were laughing, "Okay I want in on the joke," she smiled at them.

They both looked panicked, being approached by the older nurse. "Uh it's nothing."

"Come on, what were you talking about?"

"Umm…" Drea continued to look worried.

"Oh I know what the joke would be," Sandy smiled put at ease by Liz's smile. "What do you get when a mobster and a model date?"

Liz's heart thudded once, but she creaked out, "What?"

"The weirdest looking bowling group ever," Sandy laughed.

Drea laughed, "I still cannot believe a cop was out bowling with them. I get that Maxie is Robin's cousin, but seriously that is just weird. You should ask Lulu what was going on."

"Lulu was there?" Liz questioned.

"Yea with the really cute guy that works with Jason."

"I'll have to ask," she smiled. "Now why don't we all get back to work, I think Mr. Ogden is due for his meds," she nodded at Sandy.

-o-o-o-

"Mmmm," Saul Rousseau, a neurosurgeon, murmured seeing Brenda and Robin walk off the elevator.

Liz laughed at him.

"Robin's friend is beyond gorgeous."

"So why don't you ask her out?" _ Not that she was worried about what the 2 girls had said, but…_

"I've seen too many episodes of the Sopranos. Her husband scares me."

"They aren't married anymore," she pointed out.

"They may not be married, but that doesn't mean they aren't still together. Nurses talk," he laughingly chided Liz. "I can't even count the amount of stories I've heard since she's been in town, even I saw them out on a date. Morgan is a lucky man, she had on this little purple dress…"

"And you say us nurses gossip," she smiled at him.

"Touché, seriously though, you're friends with Robin, you hear of them breaking up, let me know. For her I might risk sleeping with the fishes."

Liz smiled and walked over to the Nurses' Station where Robin and Brenda were talking.

"I can't believe you're having him pick you up here," Robin laughed at her friend.

"There is no way Edward can get wind of this, can you imagine him?"

She laughed, "Oh come on, a June wedding in Lila's garden would be perfect."

Brenda laughed. "Exactly he'd be totally impossible." She focused, "Okay now how do I look?"

"Oh god, you really like him."

"Shut up," Brenda shook her head at her friend.

"Awww, you want to get married and have babies with his-"

"Will you shut up," Brenda whacked the good doctor with her purse.

"You look amazing Brenda," she swore, "go knock his socks off."

-o-o-o-

"Have you been waiting long?" Brenda asked walking out to see Chris leaning against a silver Audi R8.

"Not long," he smiled as he waited for her. "You look amazing."

"I have a coat on," she pointed out.

"You still look amazing," the dimples beamed.

"Not too shabby yourself," she smiled, their faces inches away as she was about to climb into the car as he held open the door.

-o-o-o-

"You're embarrassing," Spinelli spoke the simple statement in simple terms.

"Oh come on, you're no fun this morning," she teased Spinelli, as she had been teasing him for quite some time. "The sun is shining, the birds are chirping," she continued to glow as they waited in line neither having seen Liz walk into the crowded deli only a few people behind them.

"Please stop, the Jackal would like to be able to eat."

"Last night was just so-"

"Truly I may vomit if you impart the details."

She laughed loudly. "So what did Jason want?"

"Sesame bagel with egg, bacon and cheese."

"Ooh that sounds good, I'm starving."

"Ugh," Spinelli shuddered again.

Liz bolted out of the store.

-o-o-o-

"Is this what I pay you to do?" Sonny asked walking into his kitchen to see Milo and Max holding drinks while Kate sat with a cup of coffee.

"We're on break," Max was quick to reply.

"They're on break," Sonny spoke to the heavens, it was no wonder he was injured.

"Speaking of on break," Max said ignoring Sonny and focusing again on his brother, "start talking."

"I really don't think Jason would-" Milo said being bolstered by the boss's arrival.

"Stop being a girl and just talk," Kate ordered.

"What's going on?" Sonny frowned.

"We're trying to get the dish on Brenda and Jason," Kate said flinging a magazine out at him.

"What's this?" he asked looking down at the local magazine that came with the Sunday paper. A photo of Brenda on the cover with a title of _Prodigal Daughter Returns Home. _

"Go to page four," Kate ordered. "Dish now," she ordered Milo.

"I really don't think-"

Sonny flipped to the fourth page of the flimsy magazine. He immediately saw what he knew was another promo picture from the new show, but it wasn't the solo pictures of her that his eyes were drawn to, but the smaller images on the pages. The first being Brenda and Jason standing on the show's lot together, '_Returns home to husband after family tragedy.'_

"Brenda and Jason," Sonny scoffed as the words blurred on the page. He could see only the pictures, a happy Brenda and Jason Quartermaine as she wore his letterman jacket_, _smiling in their posed prom photo. A picture of them coming out of the courthouse together. Then the damming images: them on set, them at the Metro Court, and them sharing a meal together.

"They've been spending a lot of time together Mr. C," Max supplied.

"Well someone has to watch Brenda to keep her out of trouble," Sonny quickly countered.

"I thought that's what the guards were for?" Max questioned.

"How does protecting her involve a group date?" Kate asked.

"It wasn't a date," Milo quickly defended.

"Please that wasn't what you were saying-"

Milo glared at his brother to shut him up.

"Stay out of Jason's social life," he said throwing the magazine onto the table. "Break's over," he ordered.

-o-o-o-

Jason's kitchen:

"Uh Stone Cold?"

"What Spinelli?" Jason responded wearily, having spent an hour at the gym with him had maxed out his patience and it was only 9 am.

"There is a feature on Persephone-"

Jason looked down quickly seeing her face, "There have been a lot of articles on Brenda lately."

"Ah, yes, but none which are implying-"

"Spinelli," Jason snapped and automatically felt guilty when he saw the pain flash across his friend's face.

"They're implying that you two are a couple."

"What?" Jason nearly spit his shake out.

"And I quote, _after the tragic and unexpected death of his sister, Brenda has finally left her party girl lifestyle behind and returned to her former husband ready to settle down."_

Jason's glass lowered.

"It's actually quite a compelling piece," Spinelli kept his eyes down on purpose. "Friends since you were 17, got her a job for your grandmother, went to prom together, lived in the same house, godmother to your cousin's daughter, survived a plane crash together, obviously they included the whole marriage incident." He dared to look up and saw Stone Cold's face frozen, "As I said compelling argument."

Jason's eyes refocused on the younger man, "Nothing is going on Spinelli."

"Whatever you say Stone Cold, the Jackal merely suggests that it is not such an outlandish assumption for the general public to make, especially with all of the photographic proof."

"We're friends," Jason once more reiterated, then groaned as his phone vibrated and Brenda's name was on the screen.

-o-o-o-

Jason ignored the headache that had been with him all day as he waited for the shipment they had coming in to the warehouse. Having to deal with Spinelli at the gym should have been as bad as the day was going to get, but as he was learning to accept just when it looked like it couldn't get any worse, it could and it would.

Milo was next to him now, channeling his inner Spinelli as he talked about Lulu, asking what Jason thought he should do and what he thought his chances where. He wondered telling the other man, 'Not good.' Since Brenda had now gotten it into her head that the way to keep Lulu away from Spinelli and Johnny was Dillon.

Jason wasn't even surprised when he saw Sonny arrive at the warehouse, that was just how the day was going. Wasn't surprised to see Sonny carrying a briefcase, he knew what was in it. Wasn't surprised to hear Sonny ask him into the office, he knew what was on the other man's mind. All that was on Jason's mind was how much he wanted a beer, his bed and for this day to be over before it got any worse.

"Something you want to tell me?" Sonny asked as the door shut behind Jason, leaving Max outside with Milo.

He debated talking about the business for a moment and then he decided he'd rather get this over with. "You're the one that asked me in here."

The black leather briefcase was unzipped; the magazine was pulled out and dropped on the desk. "Not the way I wanted to start my morning."

_Not the way he wanted to start his morning either._ "You know I'm not seeing her Sonny, but even if I was, it wouldn't be any of your business."

"My best friend and my ex fiancée? None of my business?"

"Ex, Sonny."

"You know why I had to-" Sonny shook his head violently, "You were the one who-"

"You decided to keep her safe," Jason cut him off.

"You think a life with you is going to keep her safe?" Sonny quickly countered, his calm demeanor disappearing. "You think there's anything about your life that will keep her safer than mine? What did your life do to Sam?"

"You think I haven't told her to stay away?"

"You could keep her away-"

"She is a grown woman," Jason quickly replied.

"So was Sam," Sonny countered.

"She knows the risks," Jason shook his head slowly, "she chose to leave and she chose to come back. Her decision."

"Brenda doesn't think with her head, she thinks with her heart, of course she was going to come back because of Emily."

His sister's name struck a chord with Jason; it made something in him snap. Reminded him just how crucial it was to keep Brenda safe. "She isn't going back to you, Sonny. You need to get over it and let her go for good."

As Sonny's words had pushed Jason, Jason's returned the favor and made Sonny snap, the magazine was quickly torn open to the article, "Do you really think she came back for you, or do you think she came back for him? Do you think that she looks at you without seeing him?"

"You're upset because we became friends again," Jason said having an odd moment of calmness as awareness dawned on him.

Sonny tensed.

"We hated each other for years, but somehow we became friends again. She came back to me and not you."

"She came back for him!" Sonny exclaimed in desperation, not sure if he even thought it was true, but he was clinging to the thought.

Jason briefly looked down, the posed prom picture. The realization that had begun with his father's death and had been solidifying since Emily's, finally needed to be voiced, all they had ever wanted was him back, they didn't care who he had become, they just wanted him back. "I am him Sonny," he said looking the other man calmly in the eye. "I need to go see about this shipment," he turned and left.

* * *

Sucky, I know. Apologies. And hoping those random black lines stop showing up when I post.


	19. Acceptance

AN: I am completely beyond depressed. GH has bummed me out more in the recent months than they have in years (which is really saying a lot). I've deleted Daytime Confidential, my spoiler fix and last link to GH. I cannot accept this, everything is tarnished, all of my stories make me feel sad or guilty. GH is such a waste. That being said this is short.

-o-o-o-

**Acceptance**

-o-o-o-

"What do you want Mike?" Sonny angrily greeted his father's call. He had been trying to focus on the numbers before him, trying to kill enough time so it wouldn't look like he had come to the warehouse just to confront Jason, trying and failing.

"If this is a bad time Michael-"

"Mike, I don't have time for this, what do you want?"

"I just thought you'd be interested in knowing that Brenda and Robin just came in for dinner."

"Mike, I told you-"

"I didn't say you needed to do anything, I just thought you'd be interested in knowing that they were here and my guess is they'll be here for the next hour."

"I'll talk to you later Mike," Sonny ended the call. He remained looking at his phone, it was a little after 6, he didn't have the boys, Kate wasn't expecting him home for hours…

He walked out of the office to see Jason talking to the foreman. He didn't know the other man anymore, they had become strangers over the past few years. Hell he didn't think Jason ever fully trusted him again after Carly, certainly not after he had tried to keep Jason apart from Courtney, definitely not after Sonny had ignored him and pursued a relationship with Emily. They had breached the boundaries of friendship, the lines you should never cross. He, Sonny, had slept with and married the woman Jason loved, he knew it was only a matter of time before Jason and Brenda would accidentally cross that line, just as he and Carly had. He would lose her, just as Jason lost Carly. He couldn't survive that. He could for someone like Jax, someone who would devote everything to her, worship her because if she couldn't have that explosive love they had shared, he wanted nothing less than everything else for her.

He wondered though, wondered, why not them?

He wondered if they could still have it all. He didn't deserve it, he knew that, but she did. She deserved to be with someone who loved her more than anything else. Loved her more than money, more than power, loved her to the point of sacrificing everything. Not someone who barely tolerated her for years, who she practically begged to be her friend. Jason Morgan would never be Jason Quartermaine, but Brenda would never see that. She would sacrifice everything to find that other man again, but he was gone.

He signaled to Max that they were leaving.

He owed it to them. He owed it to that young couple who had been on the verge of having it all and had it ripped away from them.

-o-o-o-

"Are Brenda and Jason going to get married again?" Michael asked his mother, she had finally stopped cursing about the article so he figured it was the best time to ask. He missed Jason, he used to see him a lot more.

"I'm sorry…What?" Carly's eyes went wide and Michael decided maybe it hadn't been the best time to ask because she stopped in her tracks in the middle of the living room.

"Are they?"

"No," her head shook vehemently, "of course not."

"Jason doesn't look so sad when he's with her."

"Have you been looking at that magazine?" She frowned, Jax had tried to burn it to get her to stop obsessing, maybe she should have let him.

"No I mean when I've seen them."

"Well that's just because Jason is too busy trying not to kill her to be sad."

He crossed his arms.

"What?"

"Brenda's nice."

"No Brenda's nice to you. She annoys everyone else."

"She was Jason's wife."

"Don't make me explain in name only to you."

"I think she makes Jason happy."

"We make Jason happy."

"We never see Jason anymore," he pointed out.

"So we'll fix that," Carly nodded with a bright smile.

"Mom."

"What?"

"Jason deserves to be happy."

The cheer instantly dropped from her voice, "I know he does."

"You have Jax."

"I know I do."

"He's not going to leave you for Brenda."

"I know he isn't."

"No, you don't. Jax isn't Dad."

"What do you-" her voice cracked, "what are you talking about?"

"Dad kissed Brenda when you were still married. It's why Jax left her. Why Brenda left town."

"Who told you?" The tears welled up in her eyes.

"I'm still pretty little, people don't notice me around a lot."

She laughed at him as she wiped away her tears.

"Jax isn't going to leave you. Not to mention I think Brenda hates him more than Dad does."

She laughed.

"I think Jason needs Brenda. I mean she isn't Aunt Courtney, but I think she's good for him. She's a lot like you."

"You know that isn't a compliment right?" Carly sat on the couch.

"Yea it is," he walked over to his mother. "You're both good for him, even though he'd never admit it."

She let out a short laugh.

"You and Brenda don't let him be still. You don't let him think. You never leave him alone. I think Jason's been lonely."

"Yea I think so too," she nodded slightly, and put her fingertips in his red hair, looking at her little boy who was growing into a man.

"I think Jason deserves you trying to get along with her."

"But I really hate her."

"But Jason doesn't and he needs her and she was a pretty cool aunt."

"I'll think about it."

"Mom," Michael's voice got stern.

"Hey, you child, me parent," she smiled, "it's the best you're getting from me.

-o-o-o-

Sonny left Max at his own table as Brenda and Robin had been quick to invite him to join theirs, Mike's smug smile had yet to falter.

The girls were bickering and laughing as he had goaded on their girl talk when he asked about Milo and Lulu.

"I do not meddle!" Brenda had quickly denied Robin's claim, leaving Sonny chuckling and Robin ready on the attack.

"Oh my god Brenda," Robin spoke in a hushed tone as she leaned onto the table, "you are meddling in Lulu's love life so you can meddle in Georgie's."

"I'm just trying to keep Lulu occupied," Brenda looked up into the air and again spoke quietly, so Georgie wouldn't hear.

"How is she meddling in Georgie's?" Sonny quietly asked.

"Keeping Lulu away from Spinelli," Robin supplied.

"That makes a lot more sense," Sonny nodded, realizing how Milo figured into Brenda's 'plans.'

"What are you up to now?" Georgie asked seconds later smiling down at Brenda.

"What makes you think I'm up to anything?" Brenda innocently asked.

"I heard the word meddle come from your mouth all the way in the kitchen. So are you going to bombard Robin and Jason with a carriage ride next?"

"Robin and Jason?" Sonny nearly spit out his Coke.

"Okay now my big mouth is getting me in trouble, I'm gonna go do actual work," Georgie nodded quickly as she pointed towards the other tables.

"I missed something," Sonny refused to give in to the relief flooding through him.

"Stop giving me that look," Brenda ordered her best friend.

"What did you do Brenda?" Sonny asked leaning back looking at his girl with a smile.

"Nothing, we had a lovely night out as friends."

Robin's head cocked.

"You and Jason have been getting along."

"As friends," Robin stressed.

"That's what you need to explain to me," Brenda leaned onto the table, "if he's forgiven you-"

"Jason and I were over a decade ago-"

"So-"

"We aren't in love anymore," Robin informed her best friend and was shocked to realize that was true, she had still loved him when she came back 2 years ago, she had felt it slowly fading the further she fell in love with Patrick, but it was gone now, just a distant memory of her youth.

"How do you know if you haven't tried?"

"You've officially lost your mind," Robin nodded at her.

"I'm worried about him," Brenda said leaning back into her chair, she looked over at Sonny, "Aren't you worried about him?"

"Of course." He suddenly realized what an ass he'd been. Jason's sister had just died, Sam had moved on with Lucky, Carly was caught up in her marriage and the boys, Jason would be alone with only Spinelli if not for Brenda.

"He needs more," she shook her head, "Jason deserves more." Her phone buzzed on the table, "Speak of the devil," she waved it in her hand. She texted him back and her phone nearly immediately buzzed again. "He's stopping by," she put it down.

Sonny ignored that thought, he could only hope to repair his friendship from this point on, slowly convince Jason that he wasn't out to hurt Brenda or let anyone hurt her. "So what exactly did Brenda do?" The dimples came out.

"I did not-"

"We found something more awkward than a blind date, a double date where two of the people didn't know they were going on a date."

"It wasn't a date, we were hanging out," Brenda innocently looked up towards the ceiling.

"So you were on a date and Jason and I were…"

"We're all friends," Brenda defended.

_Brenda was on a date? _"What other friends do you have in Port Charles?" Sonny couldn't help, but ask. _She had just returned home. _

"Oh come on, I had friends outside of Robin and Jason."

Robin laughed.

Brenda sighed, "Well I at least knew people. Come on, we're all mature, grown up. Sonny and I are friends, you and Jason are friends."

"You and Jax are-"

"That's different," Brenda cut her off with a pointing of her finger.

"I don't think you've been so openly hostile to anyone since Karen."

"Not to speak ill of the dead, but I don't like fake people. Karen always pretended to be a goody two shoes and then what did she do, she slept with Jagger and then," she turned to Sonny, "actually I don't even want to talk about that. Jax never really loved me."

"How can you say that Brenda," Robin questioned despite Sonny being there.

"I don't want to talk about this," she shook her head.

"You meddle in everyone else's lives," Robin offered with a smile.

"It's not meddling, it's just a reminder of me screwing up," she shrugged.

"Bren-"

Brenda smiled up at the door forgetting their conversation as Jason walked in.

-o-o-o-

Sonny remained in Kelly's talking to Robin and Georgie, as Max called for the car to be brought around. Brenda and Jason headed out onto the cobblestone together with Brenda letting out a bawdy laugh that made Sonny want to chase after her.

He watched it all from steps behind as he headed out with Max. He watched her hips sway as she threw up another laughing smile at Jason, he saw Jason's head shake at her. He had just reached the edge of the street as well waiting for the car arrive as Brenda was crossing the street and Jason was walking towards his SUV.

It was always the same, the dark hair bouncing the under the streetlights, the smile being thrown back. The last moment of happiness.

He saw the car flying at her, the dark sedan. He yelled, so did Jason. He watched Jason hurtle out into the street.

It was over just like that.

The sedan was gone.

And left before him the crumpled bodies of Brenda and Jason on the street.


	20. With Every Action

Leigh: Um I'm not a Huddy fan and that end put me through the ringer. You have my sympathies and belated birthday wishes. Hope the real world went better for you. :-P

Tanilc, GH fan, Mari, Piper, Salena, Moonfirestar, Rachael, albefrugal, maliek: Um sorry guys, you can't not stop at evil cliffie and I'm really good about not doing them from Brazen normally because well they get screwed over enough. :-P I'm pretty sure this is the only one you're ever going to be seeing from me (and yes, it was meant to come out faster, but my little cold turned into a giant one, so extra sorries, I hate cliffies. I at least gave up on what was supposed to be the final scene of this chapter that I've been stuck on for 2 days, realizing I technically had enough to post).

* * *

-o-o-o-

With Every Action…

-o-o-o-

"Brenda," Jason's body quickly sprung into action from the adrenaline coursing through him, sending him scrambling over her.

Her eyes were open in shock.

"Brenda," he repeated.

"What…" her head shook slowly.

"Are you hurt anywhere?"

Her head shook.

Jason's head popped up, "Go after the car," Jason screamed at Max as he approached with Sonny.

"But Mr. C-" He looked over at his boss.

"Now!" Jason ordered sending Max running into the car that had arrived for Sonny.

Sonny's heart was beginning to beat again. _She was alive._ "Bren-"

"We need to get out of the street in case they come back," Jason cut him off as he spoke to Brenda. He had her in his arms before he even noticed the crowd of onlookers that had scrambled out of Kelly's, any potential further injuries less worrisome than if they returned with guns.

"Get inside," he screamed as he saw Robin running towards them as he moved quickly across the street with Brenda. The crowd scrambled back.

"I'm okay," Brenda finally spoke once they reached the safety of Kelly's as Robin immediately rushed to her.

"You could have-"

"It didn't hit me, just Jason." She nodded, "You can put me down." She could feel Jason's heart pounding against her, frightening her more than the headlights rushing at her had.

"Jason, put her down," Robin said as he remained frozen, clutching Brenda, "let me examine her."

He nodded stiffly and put her at the table furthest from the windows.

"I'm okay," Brenda repeated once she was separated, she tried to get up, but Robin pushed her back.

"Humor me," she asked her best friend.

Jason was heading towards the windows as Sonny tried to walk back. Scoping the scene was immediately forgotten. "Get away from her," he ordered.

"J-"

"I told you to stay away from her," his forearm went across Sonny's chest as he pushed him back.

"J-"

Sonny was soon pinned against the front wall, if bullets came, Sonny would at least take them first.

"No one else is dying for you because of this life. I told you to stay away from her."

"Jason," Brenda was pulling back on him, trying to stop him from killing Sonny.

"I am done with you," Jason firmly told him, "you don't care about anyone but yourself. I gave up _everything_ because you were the only one that respected me, but all you've ever done is take. You will never come near her again or I will kill you myself." There was no compassion left in Jason's eyes, no pity, no understanding, just a promise.

He let himself be pulled away abruptly, turning back to Brenda. "You should be sitting," he said shuffling her back to the chair as sirens approached.

-o-o-o-

"Okay I'll tell her," the young nurse nodded before hanging up the phone. "Doctor Quartermaine?" the young nurse apprehensively approached Monica.

She looked up from the chart with a smile, "Yes Gretchen?"

"Um they just called from the ER…your son and his wife were involved in a….a hit and run. They look like they're fine, but they're going to get checked over."

Monica's smile had long since fallen, "Thank you," she nodded and looked back at her chart.

"Do you want me to get Dr-"

"I'm on duty I'll see Brenda at the house."

"But-"

She looked up, "That will be all Gretchen."

-o-o-o-

"What on Earth are you doing up here?" Edward stormed as he got off the elevator a half hour later.

"My job," Monica nodded and handed off her patient's chart.

"Brenda and Jason were nearly killed. That boy may not be able to come up with a retort to save his life, but thank god he's quicker on his feet. ."

"Yes, I heard."

"You heard? Get down there and do something, they're trying to leave, they need full body scans."

"Did the doctors say that?"

"No of course not, doctors are idiots."

"Brenda and Jason are adults, they make their own decisions and the staff at this hospital are very good."

"Have you finally cracked Monica, did you hear what I said, they were almost killed."

"I think the whole floor heard you Edward, I have a few patients to see before I head home," she nodded at him and turned away.

-o-o-o-

Edward was pacing as Monica walked into the living room. Lulu was leaning forward trying to get more details out of Brenda. Alice hovered off to the side.

"How are you feeling Brenda?"

She looked up with a smile, "I'm fine Jason-"

"Yes," Monica nodded, "I heard."

"He really-"

"Put you in the situation where you were almost killed."

Lulu's eyes went wide.

"I just buried my daughter Brenda."

"I-"

"Please just let me continue," Monica said with a raised hand.

Brenda nodded.

"I buried my husband and my daughter because of Jason's associates, I will not stand by and watch you get yourself killed."

"I-"

Monica shook her head, once more stopping her former daughter in law. "I respect what you're trying to do for Jason. However, I can't go through this again. If you continue to spend time with Jason then I can't have you in my house any longer."

"Monica," Edward took a few steps forward, "you can't be serious."

"I have buried 3 children that were murdered. I can't anymore," her head shook simply, "I just can't. So you need to decide-"

"Monica, this is outrageous, Jason is your son," Edward moved to put his hand on Brenda's shoulder.

"I wish that were still true Edward. More than anything I wish that was still true, but I need to let him go. So you either say goodbye to Jason or you're no longer welcome in my house," she directed her attention back to Brenda.

"But she was Jason's wife," Lulu tried to intercede, "they've known each-"

Brenda shook her head slowly, "Don't. It's Monica's decision." She pushed up slowly. "I'll go get my things."

"You don't need to go tonight-"

"It's easier this way," Brenda nodded.

"I wish you the best Brenda," Monica's voice nearly cracked.

Brenda nodded once more, "He loves you, you know. He just," she shrugged as she passed her, "he can't."

Monica nodded as Brenda walked out of the room.

-o-o-o-

Jason frowned as he heard the key in the lock, frowned as he opened it to see Brenda with Edward and Alice they were surrounded by luggage.

He looked down into Brenda's vacant eyes for a moment and then over to the luggage.

"It's not too late to change your mind," Edward offered.

Her head shook just a fraction of an inch.

Georgie and Spinelli came up behind him, "We'll help you with those," Georgie leaned forward to retrieve one of the rolling suitcases from Edward before passing it back to Spinelli, she then took Brenda's, "come on, I'll help you unpack."

Brenda followed after her, with Alice following as well, loaded down with the carry on bags.

Jason's head followed them up the stairs before turning back to Edward, who never crossed the threshold of the apartment. "What happened?" Jason demanded answers.

"Monica gave her an ultimatum."

Jason's head shook slowly.

"Brenda obviously chose you."

"You let Monica kick her out," Jason's voice stiffened.

"What do you want me to do? Your mother buried your sister last week and you two were nearly killed an hour ago. She has buried practically her entire family."

"So she kicked Brenda out?" _How was throwing her into the lion's den a solution?_

"Do not judge your mother, not after what you've done to this family," Edward might completely disagree with Monica's actions, but Jason had no right.

Jason's whole body stiffened.

"If it were up to me, I would put Brenda on the jet and send her far away from you, back to where she was safe, but unfortunately it's not. I know that you have always done your best to try to protect her, this family is in shambles Jason, you might not want to be one of us, but she still is and I will not lose her too," Edward threatened.

"What are you doing Edward?" Brenda asked walking off the stairs with Alice trailing behind her.

"Nothing my dear," Edward smiled.

"You're such a horrible liar," she smiled. "Thank you for your help," she leaned in to kiss him on the cheek.

"You're still limping, I really think we should go back to-"

"My hip's just stiff, I'm going to take a hot bath, I'll be fine," she smiled.

"I have a great cream," Alice nodded from behind.

"Not that putrid-"

"I'll be fine," Brenda once more smiled. "Thanks for your help."

"I'll call you tomorrow." Edward nodded at her.

"Feel better Brenda," Alice nodded.

Goodbyes exchanged and the door closed.

"I'll talk to Monica," Jason immediately offered.

Brenda shook her head, "It's her house, her life."

"Br-"

Her head shook once more and she started walking, "I'm just going to get a drink and take a bath."

"Your limping is getting worse," he frowned.

"Adrenaline is wearing off," she shrugged.

"Are you-"

She turned back, "Don't be like Edward."

That shut him up. "I'll get your drink," he nodded, "why don't you go start your bath?"

She debated fighting him for a second, but he knew when she gave in it was hurting more than she let on.

-o-o-o-

"Stone Cold," Spinelli whispered from his doorway as Jason left Brenda's room. He frowned at the young man, but followed his hand gesture to enter the room.

"What happened?" Spinelli and Georgie whispered on top of each other.

"Brenda's going to be living with us for awhile."

"Yes, things we were able to ascertain from the lead lined suitcases."

"Yea," Georgie turned in agreement, "what does she have in those."

"What doesn't she have," Jason muttered from experience.

"So Persephone," Spinelli repeated.

"She's living with us, that's all you need to know."

"Is there a continued threat against her life?"

Jason looked nervously to the side and pushed Spinelli back into the room before they were overheard, "Brenda is going to be fine."

"That was not what The Jackal asked, I cannot be-"

"I will handle it Spinelli. I'm gonna go shower," he abruptly left them.

-o-o-o-

He stood underneath the scalding water for ages. The thoughts wouldn't wash away though. He couldn't erase the moment of seeing the car and knowing Brenda would soon be dead. He had been resigned to it even as he fought it, she would be lost just like Emily. But she was still alive, they both were. Now his mother hadn't just disowned him, but Brenda. He had disowned her once and felt powerful and righteous because of it. Now though, now that she looked at him in disgust and disappointment, he once more knew it hadn't been as clear as he thought it was that cold January day. He knew now though he deserved her hatred just as much as Zacchara did.

There was something else though, Sonny.

What he had said to Sonny.

Telling him he was done.

The chain had finally broken, only he didn't feel free.

He didn't know what he felt. He wasn't even sure he knew how to feel anymore.

It had to be done though. The cycle had to be stopped. It was more than himself and Brenda. Spinelli was young, Spinelli had other interests, but he would never abandon him. Michael's judgment was already worrisome, Jason couldn't keep expecting the boy to do one thing when everyone else was doing something else. And Jake…Jake didn't deserve what would happen if his enemies found out about him.

The only conclusion Jason could find in his jumble of thoughts was that rash decision was the only one to be made.

He just had to move on from it, gather the remaining bits of his life as best he could.

He turned off the shower and stepped out toweling himself. Without thought he cleared a steam filled section of the mirror, allowing a hazy image of his eyes. Edward's eyes. Judging him, condemning him. A curse of nature to see the old man when he looked in the mirror.

He had survived by being preemptive. More often than not he and Sonny had stayed ahead of the trouble by stopping it before it began. Halt the damage before it could start.

He had chased after Jerry Jax and lost his chance to say goodbye to his father.

He chased after Zacchara and forfeited his sister's life.

His way of life was failing him and failing everyone around him.

He would walk away, it was the only choice.

-o-o-o-

He had just pulled on sweats when he heard his name being screamed. He moved on instinct to Brenda's voice, a gun in his hand.

"Brenda," he yelled at he approached the closed bathroom door.

"I'm stuck!"

He frowned and felt like a fool for grabbing his gun, "What do you mean you're stuck?"

"My hip, I can't get up!"

"Out of the bathtub?" Jason frowned again and wondered why the hell Georgie and Spinelli weren't coming running.

"Obviously! Will you get me the hell out of here!"

He frowned, but put his hand on the doorknob. _Locked of course. _"Okay I'm coming in." He butted the door with his shoulder breaking the lock.

"Eyes," she screamed as he entered.

_Now she's modest. _His eyes went up. He hadn't seen much,_ honestly. _"I can get Georgie."

"Just throw me a towel," she snapped.

"It'll get soaked."

"I'm obviously not staying here until the bathtub drains. Why the hell do you have a gun?"

"You were screaming my name and someone just tried to kill you," he put the gun down as he grabbed a towel off the back of the door.

"Who's going to kill me in the bathroom Jason?"

He paused in his blind walk towards her, "Do you want the towel or not?"

"Just give it to me."

He groped towards the wall with his hand.

"Lower," she directed.

It was snatched from his hand.

"Okay, you can open your eyes," she ordered.

He snorted at the tight of Brenda with the bath towel covering just her front.

"Don't start, just get me up."

"How do you want to do this?"

"What do you mean how do I want to do this, I want out of this tub before I turn into a prune."

"Do you want me to carry you to your bed like this? Or do you want to try getting clothing on?"

"I probably should get clothing on?" Brenda conceded.

"Okay so I'm going to lift you and then we'll get you standing."

"Just don't get handsy," she frowned.

He rolled his eyes.

Her nails dug into his shoulder as he lifted her out. He ignored the bare flesh against him as Brenda held her breath against the pain.

"You okay?"

"Fine," she said letting out the breath.

"Do you still want to try standing?"

"Just keep your eyes up," she ordered.

"Don't worry."

She hissed as her legs were lowered and she was debating vomiting by the time her feet touched the floor.

"You okay?" Jason asked.

She nodded.

He grabbed the clothing she had set out. _Of course they were hot shorts. _"How are you going to get into these?"

"Obviously I didn't think my hip was going out."

"Hold on," he grabbed the robe from behind the door.

"Is that Jax's robe?"

"Just put it on," he ordered.

"Eyes," she once more ordered as she took it from him. "Spinelli and Sam lived here for how long?" Brenda questioned as she slid into the oversized robe.

He rolled his eyes again and turned back.

"Now what?" she asked in concern.

"Hospital or bed?"

She rolled her eyes in return. "It just needs rest."

"Okay then-" he went to go pick her up again.

"Stop!" she screeched.

"What?"

"I don't want to move."

"Last time I checked Brenda, you weren't a horse and you can't stand sleeping up?"

"I don't want to bend," she whined.

"I can carry you with your legs hanging down, but you're still going to have to bend to get into bed and I'm thinking your leg pulling down on your hip is going to hurt anyway. So it's just better to get this over with."

"We could just-"

He scooped her up before she could finish her protest.

She wasn't exactly silent on the walk across the hallway and she let out another hiss of pain despite Jason's careful motions as he placed her on the bed.

"Want to change your mind about the hospital?"

"Really think I'm going to move?" she looked up.

"I could call Robin," he offered.

"She deals with brains and research," Brenda pointed out.

He went to open his mouth.

She cut him off, "If it's not better in the morning. I'll call her."

"Do you want-"

"A blanket."

He looked down at her bed and sure enough the covers were up, he wouldn't be able to get to them without disturbing her.

"I'll go grab one from the closet."

"Water with a straw and my cell phone from the bathroom," she continued to yell out.

-o-o-o-

He returned with the comforter stripped from his own bed instead of the thin extra blankets from the closet, her phone and water with a bendy straw that had appeared in his kitchen after she went shopping.

She murmured her thanks as he deposited the water and phone on the nightstand and went to cover her with the comforter.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine," she nodded slightly. "Thank you."

"Do you-"

"I'm okay."

"I'll leave the door open, just call me if you need anything."

"Thank you."

-o-o-o-

He was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands when Spinelli and Georgie walked in.

"Where were you guys?" he was quick to question.

"Since Persephone refused pain meds, we figured-"

"Ice cream," Georgie smiled raising the bag.

Jason smiled, "She'll appreciate that."

"She still in the tub?" Georgie questioned.

"She's lying down, her hip's hurting her."

"Should I-" she pointed at the stairs.

"Yea, that'd be great."

"If I don't return it means we've eaten all the Death by Chocolate," she smiled.

"Can I-"

"Mint chocolate chip," she pulled the pint out of the bag and a spoon.

"Best idea ever," Spinelli spoke to the carton as Georgie good naturedly rolled her eyes.

"Did you want some Stone Cold?" Spinelli asked moments later as Georgie had left and he already had a spoonful in his mouth.

"Not now," he looked at Spinelli in disgust.

"The Jackal has not double dipped," Spinelli pulled the spoon out of his mouth.

"It's fine Spinelli-"

"In addition to the chocolate we got a caramel one, white chocolate and some vanilla one."

"I'm not really in the mood."

"Is…" Spinelli stumbled over the words, "is she okay?"

"Her hip hurts."

"She seemed fine before."

"It's an old injury there was a lot of adrenaline."

"What happened?"

"Sonny," Jason said simply.

Spinelli frowned and was about to question further before he stopped himself, Georgie had told him what happened in Kelly's afterward. "You know if you wish to talk, I'm here for you."

Jason's lips twitched up in a smile and his head turned to his roommate, he didn't think he had ever heard that many you's or I's in a sentence come from Spinelli unless he was stuttering.

"It puts Persephone at ease when I do that."

"You're starting to like her Spinelli," Jason almost chuckled.

"When she is not abrasive she is not horrible."

Jason's lips twitched up again.

"Not all of us deal as well with her as the master," he nudged along the conversation and his mission.

"I used to be horrible to her," he leaned forward and grabbed his beer bottle.

"Stone Co-"

"She just…" Jason's head shook, "we couldn't get along."

"I can understand that."

"She tried to be my friend, but it just annoyed me more."

"What changed?"

Jason shrugged, "We were on trial for murder together."

"The Jackal supposes that _would_ either bond you or make you throttle her."

"Oh I still want to throttle her," Jason took another sip of his beer.

Spinelli smiled.

"I just finally realized she was more than just a whiney, opinionated brat."

"She still is all of those things."

"Oh yea," another sip.

"She's also loyal and determined."

"Stubborn," Jason corrected.

"That she is."

Jason stared at his beer bottle.

"She's also resilient Stone Cold."

They turned to Georgie coming down the stairs. "Brenda turned down chocolate. I'm kinda thinking we should call Robin."

* * *

Thanks for reading guys and all of the reviews on the last chapter. I know something is off in this chapter or maybe it's just that it isn't what was in my mind, so it's off to me. At least our Jason is finally free and seeing the light. Remember the car thing is actually a Helena/Trevor thing, but Jason thinks it's the hit Rivera put on Brenda and Sonny.


	21. Wishing for a Way Back

Um…I have no idea if this worked. Like none whatsoever.

This has a LOT of Jason Q things in it as Brenda's life has obviously just flashed before her eyes and she's seeing the multitude of mistakes she's made. If you want to get in the mood, KVFan made a great video involving Brenda, Jason Morgan and Jason Quartermaine. **Cut and paste KellyVanessaFan Hurt into your youtube browser. Warning**: I totally got teary eyed watching it. KVFan also made a great vid called Caved In, which is made even greater due to the fact that it is NOT a popular song! I get REALLY excited with YouTube when that happens. :-P Even better they're great lyrics for Brazen.

_So thanks for reading, thanks for the reviews, hope it doesn't suck. :-P Btw I totally got angrier with GH when I heard the news about AMC and OLTL, I know that GH is dying, but can't they die a good death like Stone? ::Sigh::_

* * *

**Wishing for a Way Back**

Jason stuck his head into her room. "Hey."

Her head was knocked to the side as she lay on her back, "You know I can trace it all back to me. I know that sounds self-involved. But, every miserable, horrible thing. "

He walked in, "There was nothing-"

"Luis came to town because of me," she still didn't look at him, the guilt too great.

"The Alcazars are gone," he stepped further into the room.

"After Alan died because of them, after Kristina." _Alan, who had taken her into his house, treated her like family…_

"Luis and Lorenzo were responsible for their own actions."

"They were here because of me Jason."

He sat on the side of the bed she was facing, she didn't turn away.

"I can't turn it off. I keep seeing how if I did one thing differently…"

"I think that's normal after what you've been through."

"I-"

He looked down and found himself sliding down on the bed to fully face her.

"I could have turned in Sonny," she whispered, "I could have stopped this."

"This is my-"

"You know life isn't what you choose," she cut him off, looking at him thoughtfully.

He waited.

"It's just how you deal with it. We never end up with the life we would have chosen. You were happy Jason," her hand reached out and touched a dry strand of hair on the side of his face, her gaze was distant and there was almost a bittersweet smile on her face.

He closed his eyes briefly at her touch. He could almost see her then, see the person she had been when he had been the person she was seeing.

"You couldn't stand them, but you loved them. You always say how happy you are about the accident, but you _were _happy_."_ Her head shook slightly, "Our lives could have been totally different. Everything could have been different. I keep seeing all of these different ways we could have ended up totally different."

_'Married Brenda, just like we said you would.' Those words still nagged at him._

"I bailed Jason," her eyes briefly closed, "the going got tough and I got going, twice. Who does that? Who just leaves and stays gone?"

"You had your reasons."

"Did I really? Because I can't figure out how they'd be more important than everything I missed. Everything I should have been here for if only because they were here for me." She paused. "I let Robin think I was dead two years after Stone's death. I missed Brook growing up. I missed Lila's funeral because I was working," tears welled up at the absurdity of that.

He forced the words out, he didn't want to talk, but he knew she did, "So why did you stay away?" The conversation they had started days ago and they had both let drop.

"Because I don't know how to be normal Jason," she shrugged, "you always got that," she smiled. "I try, but I…" She frowned. "You know I was horrible in high school? I posted pictures of Karen in the shower because I was angry and jealous, I hated that everyone looked at her like she was this sweet, perfect saint." Her eyes briefly closed, "And that was me being well behaved. That was me trying to normal. All I ever wanted was a family, have that normal life."

_He knew the feeling._

"You know all those people at the Metro Court, I looked like such a partying, bad girl to them. But I was living with Jagger when I was 18. With Sonny when I was 20. Jax at 22. Then back to Sonny. Then back to Jax. I just wanted that life. Jagger and Sonny," she sighed. "I get these shots at a normal life and it scares me to death, so I do something stupid. My entire life," she focused her gaze back up at him, "I always do things the wrong way," she admitted what he had always accused her of.

"You always have good intentions," he smiled at her to lighten the mood.

She rolled her eyes.

"Do you still love Sonny?" Jason finally asked, he needed to ask it after what had happened, he didn't know what he would do if she said yes though. Force Sonny out of the life and the country or force Brenda away, yet again pull an Edward when it came to her life.

"No," she whispered, it pained her to admit that, he was her soul mate…She had been positive of that.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm not in love with him Jason."

"But you still love him," he picked up on the womanly phrase.

"He was everything for awhile." She paused. "I could have left him alone. I could have made it so Harry never had to turn on us. If I hadn't chased him, Lily and her baby would still be alive."

"Br-"

"I could have done everything differently."

She had that look in her eye again, she was once more seeing the past. "The Metro Court…"

He asked without thought, looking for an answer he believed from her, looking to find out what she was seeing tonight as she looked at him. "They expected us to get married." He didn't bother distancing himself from the statement because it would have been his life, he had accepted that now.

"You could have been happy Jason. You could have had that family. Not with me obviously because I would have left, but…" her head shook. "If I just tried everything could have been different."

"I still would have gotten in the car."

Jason's voice was so low, Brenda wondered if she imagined it for a moment.

"I always would have tried to save him."

She opened her mouth to refute that, but found that she couldn't. "Why?" Brenda refused to let her voice crack as she asked the one question that had haunted her about Jason for over a decade.

"I don't think you can live with yourself if you just standby. I would do anything for Michael." _He should have done anything for Emily. _

She saw it in his eyes, the flash of pain, she did her best to push past it. "You wouldn't have been at the house. I would have had a huge spectacle of a wedding, then the house over on Deerfield-"

"The Mediterranean one?"

She smiled at his memory. "With the green roof." Her eyes closed again. "We would have had a kid. Then I would have left and you could have had your life. Fallen in love with a nice nurse, like Liz. Have the family that you were always meant to have. The life you were always meant to have."

"My life is no one's fault, but my own."

"I wasn't calling your life a failure, but you deserve more Jason."

_He had a son._

"It's not too late."

"Brenda-"

"You know I can't figure out if I'm supposed to meddle more in your life or less," she smirked at him.

"Definitely more."

"Really?" Lips twitched up further.

"You always do the opposite of what I say," he smiled.

"We have all this money Jason. I have fame…But those women showing off pictures of their kids, the dog, the house…I wasn't supposed to be envious of them."

"You can still have that."

She murmured something that didn't sound entirely positive.

The lay there in silence for awhile, finally he asked, "Who would have gotten the kid?"

She chuckled, "You, definitely you. Could you imagine the therapy otherwise?"

He laughed with her.

-o-o-o-

Their conversation ebbed and flowed. It would slowly stop and then once more slowly begin as Brenda's thoughts eventually slid from her lips.

-o-o-o-

"I should have married Jax."

"I thought you hated Jax."

"He loved me."

"A lot of people have loved you." He only realized how that sounded after he said it.

She didn't notice. "He really loved me. He didn't deserve how I treated him."

"Did you love him?" He had thought she had, right up until Jax started pushing for the wedding.

"Mostly."

"Could you have been faithful to him?"

She paused. "I should have never gotten involved with Jax."

-o-o-o-

"I wonder what screwed up things are in my DNA."

Jason frowned over at her.

"You were ignored by your parents and you were like the best child ever. AJ and I…"

"Are you really blaming your behavior on genetics?"

"Do you have a better idea?"

_He didn't._

_-o-o-o-_

"Why the hell do I involve you in my life so much?" Brenda was frowning for that. As the conversation had begun with how she should have avoided Jax and Sonny on her own, so Jason could have ended up with Courtney. Then progressed back to Karen, whom Brenda had again decided would have lived if she had stayed out of it.

"I have no idea," he answered honestly.

"I would say I would change, but-"

"It's genetics," he sighed.

-o-o-o-

"I hated seeing you like that tonight," her voice was low.

Jason had almost been asleep, but suddenly Brenda's still form on the pavement morphed into Emily's and he was wide awake. "Like what?"

"How you looked at Sonny."

"How did I look at Sonny?" He wondered, he wasn't even sure what he felt hours later.

"Like someone just told you Santa wasn't real."

His brow lifted.

"Defeated. Like everything had been a-"

"Waste," he finished.

"You know, everything I told you in the airport, I meant it. You deserve everything Jason."

"So do you."

A bemused smile graced her lips, "We both deserve more than Sonny Corinthos."

He chuckled lightly.

"I don't ever want you to look like that again," she murmured lightly as her lids were once more closing.

-o-o-o-

_He left his things by the door and walked further into the house, pausing by the living room. He looked on with a smile as he saw them, his daughters in front of the television, the eldest attempting something with her sister's golden brown hair._

_"You girls finish your homework?"_

_They both turned with a smile, "Hours ago," the eldest informed him._

_"You missed dinner again," the youngest pointed out. _

_"I know, but I'm off all day Saturday. What are you two doing?"_

_"The new summer it hairstyle," she nodded at the magazine open in front of them._

_"But it's…" he frowned, "winter just-"_

_"Shhh," she hushed him, "show's back on."_

_"Great talk," he nodded and headed towards the kitchen._

_"Hey," Brenda smiled without looking up from her laptop._

_"They're practicing summer hairstyles, it's December."_

_"They're girls," she turned finally._

_He was still frowning. "Females are crazy."_

_"Just figured that out?"_

_"Unfortunately no," he half rolled his eyes._

_She smirked, "Your plate's in the oven."_

_"Thank you," he nodded and went towards it._

_"I just dish it up. Which totally reminds me, I think she's looking for a raise."_

_He sat on the stool next to her, "Did she say something?"_

_"Food's been amazing all week."_

_He laughed as he took a bite, "That means she wants a raise?"_

_"Totally. She's appealing to my waistline. She knows I'll pay more not to go up a jean size."_

_He laughed again._

_"It's amazing right?" She didn't both stealing his fork, she plucked a piece of cavatappi up with her fingers. _

_"It really is. So raise?"_

_"After this week. This is kind of nice, like being on vacation."_

_He laughed at her. "Speaking of which-"_

_"Did they hush you again?" Brenda smirked._

_He was good naturedly exasperated, "Every time I come home and their shows are already on."_

_"We're not going on a technology free vacation again," she ordered her husband, "we almost had a mutiny on our hands when you kept using the satellite phone to check in."_

_He grumbled._

_"I like it that they ignore us now," she wrapped her arms around her husband's neck, "remember when they were little and needed us for everything."_

_"When they wanted to spend every moment with us," Jason remembered fondly._

_"And we couldn't be alone until they were asleep and even that wasn't a guarantee," she nipped at his ear._

_"How long is that show?"_

_"It just started, we have 50 minutes."_

_He turned and stood from the stool with her arms still around him, he leaned in for a kiss and soon her legs were soon around his waist and they were heading for the stairs._

-o-o-o-

He barely even noticed that once more he woke up breathless, that his entire body was on alert because his lips were against Brenda's, he distanced himself before her lips could move again. His heart pounding as it replayed the night's events. The car, seeing her so still, Sonny approaching, her in the tub, her begging him not to leave her when he tried to get up once he thought she was asleep.

He stood now and left the room checking the early hour as he entered his room, 7 am, oddly enough it was the longest he had slept in some time. He began to dress, he had things to do.

-o-o-o-

"Spinelli," Jason lightly nudged the young man's shoulder as he slept sitting up on the couch with Georgie's head resting on his shoulder.

"Huh? What?" Spinelli's head jerked in confusion.

"What's going on?" Georgie grumbled.

"Does Mac know you're here?" Jason questioned.

"I told him I was staying in case Brenda needed me," she blearily informed Jason.

"Thank you. You didn't need to stay on the couch, you could have stayed in my room."

"The Jackal had offered his-"

"We fell asleep watching tv," Georgie silenced her friend.

"I need to go out for awhile, can you stay with her?"

"Of course," she nodded.

-o-o-o-

"What did you do?" Diane accused as she entered Sonny's living room.

He looked like hell, still in his clothes from the previous night, dark circles under his eyes and the latest glass of scotch in his hands.

"Jason came by at an ungodly hour and demanded I draw up papers that dissolve your partnership."

"He what?"

"He went to see Benny too. Without Jason, with everything that's going on, do you have any idea what will happen Sonny?"

"Jason wouldn't actually leave," Max nodded, "he's just upset because-"

"Upset would involve emotions. I have never seen Jason so cold, which when you're talking about Jason is saying a lot."

"Jason did what?" His mind struggled to catch up.

"He's out Sonny," Diane nodded at him, "he's not only out. He's taken four guards and if you don't do something about this soon, he'll probably take more. They're running because they know without Jason there's going to be another war."

"You gotta talk to him Mr. C," Max pleaded.

Sonny's head swayed unsteadily, "Brenda-"

"If you go near her again," Benny said walking into the room, "Jason will kill you."

"Did he say that?" Sonny struggled to focus.

"He didn't have to."

-o-o-o-

It wasn't even 10 by the time Jason walked in the door. Spinelli and Georgie had taken turns checking on Brenda, who continued to appear fast asleep, and were now eating dry cereal and watching cartoons.

Jason frowned at them, their eyes went wide. "How's Brenda?"

Georgie forced herself to answer his question, "Still asleep. You cut your hair," Georgie remarked.

Jason's hair was once more short. "She didn't want chocolate," was his only response.

"It looks good," Georgie nodded, not letting Spinelli speak.

"I brought breakfast," Jason handed them a bag and then headed up the stairs with the other.

"He cut his hair," Georgie leaned back against the couch in shock.

"The Jackal is beginning to suspect that this event is tragic and excellent at the same time."

"You have to live with her," Georgie pointed out.

"Less excellent, but the Jackal is willing to compromise his own joy for Stone Cold's."

-o-o-o-

The Jones sisters were caught up in conversation, oblivious to the world around them at the lunch counter of Kelly's.

Georgie had already replayed the first half of the night and continued on, "When Jason never came back downstairs we went up. They were in bed together asleep and holding hands."

Maxie pouted at the sweetness of that. She was still firmly anti-Jason, but it was nice to know the guy had a heart.

"Then this morning, he went out for a little while and he came back with a haircut."

"A haircut?" Blue eyes widened just as her sister's had.

"Brenda's been after him for weeks to get a haircut."

Maxie frowned, "It took Brenda almost getting hit by a car to get a haircut?"

"He was trying to make her smile. He said because she turned down chocolate."

"Okay that's sweet, I'll give you that's sweet. But he's still-"

"He's out."

"He's what?"

"In the middle of Kelly's or actually the front, Jason told Sonny he was done with him. Apparently all of this happened because of Sonny."

"Can you just quit the mob?" Maxie pondered.

"I don't know. Jason's done it before."

"He always goes back."

"I think this might be the final straw. He told Sonny that if he ever came near Brenda again he'd kill him."

"Wow," Maxie's blue eyes continued to be wide. _Of course this would all go down while she and Cooper were out at the movies._

"Yea, Dad suggested an alibi other than Brenda this time."

Maxie almost snorted out her water, "Mac did what?"

"Yea," Georgie nodded, "since last time they were convicted."

"Do you really think Jason would?" Maxie's head suddenly tilted to the side.

"You did not see Jason last night."

"You know if this is true, Spinelli is seriously going to need to come up with a better nickname for her."

Georgie laughed, "You're starting to like Spinelli."

"No," Maxie rolled her eyes, "that wordy little geek is all yours. If you're referring to yourself in the third person and you're not in high school or on facebook, you're just odd."

Liz sat at her table with her cup of tea forgotten in her hands. Just days after Emily's funeral Jason had told her he agreed with Lucky and was going to stay away from her and Jake. Days after he had left her bed and gone straight to Brenda. _He wouldn't…_

-o-o-o-

"You doing anything?" Jason nodded at the laptop on Spinelli's lap as he sat on the couch.

"Would you be interested in being Holmes to my Watson?"

"Did something happen?" Jason frowned.

"As a profession," he nodded, "the Jackal is looking up office space."

"Why do you always go looking for trouble?" Jason's head knocked to the side.

"The Jackal would-"

"I need to go get Brenda a new mattress," Jason stopped him, "do you want to come?"

Spinelli frowned.

"Apparently foam is better for her hip," the PT, who was upstairs with Brenda informed him of that before he and Robin got to work with regaining Brenda's mobility.

"The Jackal will keep you company."

Jason was grabbing his coat when he frowned, "I've never changed any of the mattresses in the apartment."

"How long have you lived here?"

"Awhile. I don't know if Carly bought new mattresses, or if they were Alexis's."

"The Jackal sincerely doubts the Valkyrie would reuse mattresses, but perhaps it would be wise if we were to get new beds as well."

Jason headed for the door.

"Not that the Jackal minds his bed having been used by other females, but he'd sincerely prefer it if they had been in the bed at the same time with him."

Jason rolled his eyes walking out the door.

* * *

_::Sigh:: That bed scene was in my head for ages. Of course it hated me. Why is that? Every single time... ::Sigh:: :-P_


	22. Attempting Acceptance

AN: I am still anti typing, so my comments back are waiting for another day. Seriously killer reviews though. Thanks for reading!

* * *

**Attempting Acceptance**

"Again the Jackal-"

"I don't want to talk about it," Jason cut him off as Spinelli again tried to apologize when his overzealous glee resulted in his rolling onto Jason.

"The Jackal was not aware the bed had so much bounce."

Jason wondered if his headache was ever going to stop, it had seemed a constant for weeks. He hadn't minded the salesman that assumed he and Spinelli were a couple, not even Spinelli bouncing onto the bed, then rolling onto him, but Spinelli's repeated apologizes for it were another thing.

"Um what happened?" Brenda was sitting sideways on the couch and Robin was sitting on the floor in front of her, knees pulled up and reading a magazine.

"Nothing happened," Jason cut off her questions, "what are you doing downstairs?"

He had expected to find Brenda asleep in her bed after the session she'd just had, instead he found her neatly dressed in black lounge pants, a white tank and her hair in a side bun. _Was she wearing makeup?_

"Chris is coming by," Robin sing-songed, never looking up from her magazine.

Brenda tapped her on the back of the head.

"Hey!"

"You can't hit me back, I'm injured," Brenda pointed out as Robin turned.

"I just can't hit your hip," Robin laughed up.

The girls lightly swatted at each other.

Jason smiled at first and then noticed Spinelli transfixed; he shook his head and asked if Brenda needed anything before leaving the room.

-o-o-o-

"Brenda and Chris seriously make me feel old," Robin said as she emptied her glass of water into the sink two hours later.

Jason's eyebrows raised. Chris had left a half hour before; Jason had mostly managed to avoid the visit.

"I don't think Brenda flirted that much in high school, which trust me, is seriously saying a lot."

He laughed.

"She's ridiculous."

"I'm glad she's feeling better."

"Me too." Robin laughed suddenly, "You would have seriously killed her in high school."

"She mentioned that last night."

"During her mental breakdown?" Brenda had mentioned it this morning, she had seemed apologetic at first while telling the story, then had smirked over Jason's hair cut.

He laughed again. "Yea something about nude pictures of Karen Wexler."

Robin's eyes closed, "She was horrible," she ended up lightly chuckling.

"We should probably be glad Carly didn't grow up with Bobbie."

"I don't think the school would have survived," Robin laughed.

"Probably not."

"She was like nothing or anyone I ever met before," Robin smiled fondly.

He didn't say anything.

Robin laughed, "Come on you get it now." Jason had never been able to understand why Brenda was Robin's best friend.

"I suppose she grows on you eventually."

Robin laughed. "Hey I might be her best friend, but you married her and have lived with her willingly more than once."

"Willingly is pushing it."

She laughed yet again.

Jason couldn't help but smile. They had had this once, a long time ago.

"You know, you-Jason Qua-"

"Was supposed to end up married to her?"

"Oh my god!" Robin had never been so thankful she wasn't drinking. "Did Brenda say that?"

"Last night," he confirmed. "I however had to buy a round of shots at the Metro Court, apparently there was a bet involving us getting married."

Robin was gasping for air. "Oh my god," she fanned her face, "I can't believe Brenda didn't tell me this."

"I think she was embarrassed."

"Brenda?"

He shrugged. "I don't remember you ever telling me that."

"Nothing," she shook her head, "ever really happened between them."

"The bet?"

Her turn to shrug, "They were just one of those things."

He looked at her in confusion.

"Girls and guys don't generally do the whole friendship thing. I mean there might have been a kind of dating thing and some kisses, but-"

His eyebrows were raised.

"I swear Jason, nothing ever really happened. They just kind of had this _thing_ between them."

"What kind of thing?" He did not like the sound of that word.

She looked up at the ceiling, "The kind of thing that it just always looked like it would happen." She laughed suddenly thrown back in time, "She was my best friend, but I was totally jealous of her." She looked over with a smile, "I would have done anything for him to look at me the way he looked at her." She came to her senses, "And awkward."

"Trent said Brenda threw herself at-"

"Oh my god," Robin's hand covered her face and poorly hid a snort. "When did she do that?"

"After she moved into the house."

"Oh my god she might have…Oh who are we kidding she probably did. That is seriously fantastic," Robin fanned herself.

"Glad you enjoyed it," Jason smirked.

"In Brenda's defense Jason-" she stopped, a worried expression on her face.

"What?"

"You don't need to know this. I don't need you to entertain me because Brenda's asleep."

It could stop. He could end the discussion. It wasn't comfortable, it wasn't enjoyable, but…There was a voice in the back of his head though. A laugh. A smile. The problem was it was a stranger's at the same time it was his own. He had asked everyone to discard him; he had rejected him. He had thrown away the importance of two decades of life. Those who couldn't, he rejected. He hadn't deserved to be forgotten, even if he could never remember. Jason Quartermaine had been full of as much life and joy as Emily. Even though it had been his past he didn't have the right to reject it. He didn't know if the feeling was because of Emily or the video, he just knew he needed to know. He had to hear about being a foolish teenager. Maybe he had to hear that he had been more. Maybe he just had to hear, maybe had to let her share because he couldn't stand the thought of people sweeping Emily aside just because she was gone. He forced a smile on his lips, "Brenda decided that they would have gotten married, but I would now be married to a nice nurse and everyone would be fine."

Robin's mouth dropped.

Jason waited.

"She didn't…"

"We would have moved out, so I wouldn't have been near AJ that night."

"You know she didn't mean anything negative about who you are-"

He smirked.

"Seriously she complained just as much about him."

He shook his head slowly, "I would do anything to save Emily."

"J-"

If he had just stayed with Emily, she would be with Nikolas and Spencer right now; she would be planning a wedding. "People have regrets, it was just an odd thought. Married to Brenda."

Robin laughed, "Again." Her smile dropped and she thought for a second, "They would have been something." She nodded, she got the look in her eyes Brenda had gotten last night. "I need to get to the hospital," she brusquely nodded, "my shift starts soon. Call me if Brenda needs anything."

He nodded.

"K bye."

"Bye."

-o-o-o-

"Where's Robin?" Brenda asked, looking at him through sleepy eyes from her spot on the couch.

He closed his book, "Hospital."

Brenda yawned.

"How are you feeling?"

She grunted.

"Can I get you anything?"

She smiled at him, "You've done plenty."

"Are you sure you're feeling okay?"

"Saved my life, took me in, talked me through last night…" she shrugged. "You're a good friend Jason."

"You…probably…are too."

"That hurt much?" Brenda chuckled.

"Actually. Yea."

She laughed again.

They sat for another moment in silence.

"So what are we supposed to do now?" she asked with a tilt of her head.

_Good question. _"I call Spinelli ask him to pick up a pizza. We have dinner we watch a movie. You go to bed early so you're up for PT in the morning."

"And then?"

"We deal with it as it happens."

"Are you really out?"

He nodded slowly, "Diane said she'd have the paperwork done by tomorrow."

"You don't have to-"

"I'm going to call Spinelli."

-o-o-o-

"We're watching this why?" Spinelli sat in front of Brenda, where Robin had earlier been holding the bowl of popcorn.

"Because I almost got hit by a car yesterday," she tapped him on the top of the head.

Spinelli frowned, but lifted the bowl so she could reach it. "Yes and Stone Cold cut his hair so again the Jackal-"

"You can go upstairs Spinelli," Jason pointed out; he had a book light attached to the novel, keeping his attention off the television screen.

A timer dinged.

"Ooh pizza bites," Brenda's eyes lit up.

Jason shook his head and put down the book.

"I do not even recognize these actors," his hands flared at the screen, only a little popcorn was lost.

"Yes you do, that guy was from…that thing," Brenda's hands fluttered in annoying, "It's an indie movie, shut up."

"Watching paint dry would be infinitely more entertaining," he sighed and put the popcorn down next to him.

"Spinelli," Jason said walking back into the room, "like I said before you can go upstairs."

"Can we make margaritas?" Spinelli's eyes widened.

Brenda's began to as well.

"No," Jason ended their joy.

Spinelli sighed and grabbed Jason's book. He frowned as he tried to read the summary on the jacket. He opened it to where Jason had stopped, he looked up in shock, "This is in French. You read French? Stone Cold speaks French?"

"Monte à l'étage."

"I have no idea what you just said-" Spinelli's eyes remained wide.

"Go upstairs."

Brenda snorted.

-o-o-o-

She woke up screaming. Jason quickly flew out of his light sleep and raced towards her room. She was gasping for air and she crushed him in a hug when he reached her side. "You're-"

"You were dead," she gasped into his neck.

"I'm fine, we're both-"

"You could have died," she shook her head into the crook of his neck. "I had lunch with Sonny and you-" She took a deep swallow, "Just like Lily."

The guilt continued. "Noth-"

"You can't die for me. I can't live with anyone else dying because of me."

He realized those words had been rattling around his own head.

"Promise me."

"We'll both be fine Brenda."

-o-o-o-

"How the hell did she manipulate you into this?" Carly screeched as she entered the penthouse after Jason opened the door in the middle of a lazy afternoon with Brenda watching tv on the couch.

Brenda groaned in impending misery.

"Carly remember, calm," Jax tried to remind his wife.

"Screw calm," her hand flung back. "You aren't even here a month and you've already torn apart-"

"Carly," Jax snapped.

"What are you-" Jason tried to ask.

"Sonny is a mess. You know what happens when Sonny is a mess," she shook her head, "you need to go over there are fix this before he does something stupid."

"Carly!" Jax snapped again.

She turned her attention in annoyance to her husband, "What?"

"You're aware you're asking Jason to rejoin the mob. To risk his life on a regular basis for someone that has no respect for anyone, but himself."

"Sonny respects Jason," Carly threw out the comment.

Jax scoffed.

"You don't like Sonny Jax. I get that. We all get that, but this is about more than your feelings this is about my boys' safety."

"Shouldn't their _father_ be concerned about that?"

Carly gave him a dirty look.

Jason simply waited.

Carly finally noticed that, "Are you going to say anything?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"That you'll go over to Sonny's and work this out."

"I've tried that." _Time and time again. _

"This is because of her, over a decade of friendship thrown away because of her."

"This is not because of me," Brenda sat up in defense, giving up the pretense of reading a magazine and ignoring Carly.

"Oh yea," Carly condescendingly nodded. "Jason tells Sonny to stay away from you, Sonny doesn't and-"

"You told Sonny to stay away from me?" Brenda sat up further. "What am I five? I can make my own decisions."

"Brenda," Jax spoke before Jason could, "I hate to point this out, but if weren't for Jason the other night your decisions would have gotten you killed."

"Oh don't start Jax. You have a new wife to control."

"I never-"

The former couple completely forgot about the people they currently lived with.

"Seriously?" Carly stopped them after a moment, "This is not about you two, this is about my children."

"I will always protect Michael and Morgan," Jason pointed out.

"How if you're-"

"I can't anymore Carly," he said it as simply as he could. _He just couldn't anymore._

"This is exactly what Michael needs, don't you see Carly. Michael respects Jason," Jax surmised, "if he sees Jason has made the choice to leave Sonny's life-"

"I don't want Michael to _leave_ Sonny's life, he's his father."

"Lifestyle," Jax amended.

There was a knock at the door and Carly moved towards it in annoyance at whoever was interrupting her conversation, ignoring the fact that this wasn't her home, she ignored Brenda and Jason as they both tried to stop her. "What do you want?" Carly recognized the wide brown eyes from the Metro Court.

"I'm here to see," Chris's words were slow because of confusion.

"He's here for me!" Brenda called out as she ignored the stiffness and shooting pain in her hip to stand, Jason was quick to help her rather than fight with Carly.

"Take her," Carly smiled, "please."

"Hi," Chris did his best at a charming smile as he walked into the room.

"Let's go out," Brenda quickly suggested.

"Brenda," Jason just looked at her.

"I can walk," she pointed out, "just not quickly." She had been right 2 nights ago, part of it had just been her hip needed rest, the PT was working out the rest.

Jason gave her another look. "We'll go into the kitchen."

"We can still hear you in the kitchen; actually they can probably hear her in China."

Jason gave her another look, "You're not leaving this apartment."

Chris took that as a sign to take off his coat, revealing the suit he was still wearing from work.

"Fine we'll go upstairs," Brenda glared and slowly started to walk to the stairs.

"Hold that," Chris said handing her a dvd.

She took it and looked down at the case, then squealed as Chris scooped her up, her arms quickly went around his neck.

"This is probably a lot easier," he smiled down at her.

"I could get used to this," she smiled up as he started up the stairs.

"Oh gag," Carly rolled her eyes.

"I'm ignoring you!" Brenda called back.

"Is that guy for real?" Carly questioned.

"Apparently so."

-o-o-o-

Jason waited for the nightmares to strike, he found himself unable to sleep as Brenda and Spinelli did. Instead, he puttered around his room, wishing he was more like Brenda and left things to clean. He couldn't focus enough to read, but he could focus on Emily's picture for minutes on end. He could focus on the bed Courtney and Sam had happily planned their futures in, only to have them end in tears. He could even focus on himself in the mirror, maybe for the first time noticing the lines on his face. Trying to figure out how so much time had passed. It had just seemed to slip by him, every crisis seemed to outweigh actually having a life, even when he could it was always dulled by what was going on.

He wanted to leave.

He recognized the feeling. The same feeling he had when he found Carly in Sonny's shirt.

Just as Brenda had said, the going was tough and he wanted to get going. He wanted to erase this and start over even though he knew he couldn't, knew that as far as he ran the memories would chase him.

The mistakes he had made, the lives he had planned to have…

He would never be able to outrun them.

He had to keep moving forward though just as he told Brenda. He had to make new plans, a new life. A life that didn't include those he had expected to always be there as impossible as it seemed.

He moved through the apartment hours after they had gone to sleep and found himself slowing by their doors. He stopped outside of hers as he headed towards his room, once more listening for any sound out of the ordinary. He didn't hear one, but he quietly turned the handle any way to check.

She was sound asleep and buried under the covers, also peaking out was a large mouse ear. Jason smiled and closed the door.

* * *

Notes:

1) Mighty Mouse was referenced at the very start of the fic (that's the ear you see).

2) I feel like Jason's thoughts while talking with Robin are a HUGE leap from where his thoughts had just been, but well…Um yea that's all I got regarding that. It happened and it refused to leave the page. :-/


	23. First Day of the Rest of Your Life…

1) Yea I have a lot of reviews I need to respond to for the Christmas binge I gave you guys. Totally getting around to that. It's busy work making and breaking New Year's resolutions. :-P Lol and to those who went "Where did you go?" when the updates stopped coming that was over a year's worth of writing. :-P Keep that in mind. I never intend to stop writing, the writing just won't come. I try and I try, but frequently I just end up with a bunch of half written stories that only Lori (super sweetie) reads.

2) I have decided to recast Gina Williams (Jagger's little sister to the newbies) with Alexa Breckenridge. I liked the difference of having a readhead and not a blonde, but yea Nikki Cox..Eh. Picture whoever you want, just picture her with red hair. :-P

3) So there had been an original end scene, which I hate, then as I went to go post this hours ago, a new scene started to emerge. Stories are odd, I really wish they'd let me have just a little control.

* * *

**First Day of the Rest of Your Life…**

"If you're bored you can leave," Brenda pointed out as she stood in the makeup trailer having the bruises on her body covered. They were no longer vivid and deep blues and purples, but yellowing, brown, awful reminders of that night.

"I'm trying to read, you're the one that keeps interrupting me," he barely looked up from the magazine because if he did he would have to see Brenda in the black and red lace lingerie set.

"How long have you two been married?" The makeup artist questioned. He had been with them for the past thirty minutes applying her makeup, but the art director had been standing over his shoulder having a long drawn out discussion with Brenda regarding the photo shoot that they were getting ready for.

"We're not," Brenda was quick to supply.

"Together?"

"No way in hell."

"Are you sure?"

"Very," Jason finally supplied.

"You were married right?"

"For like a month," Brenda brushed it off, she couldn't vehemently deny that, otherwise that would make it into the press.

"Hmm."

"What hmmm?" Brenda frowned looking down at the fellow.

"Nothing just curious."

"We're friends."

"Whatever you say," he nodded.

"Jason-" Brenda tried to order him to get involved.

"I'm reading," he ignored her.

-o-

"Jason right?" the photographer nodded at him.

"Yea?" He nodded glad to have a reason to keep his eyes off Brenda having her makeup fixed .

"Do you mind getting in a few shots, so I can check the lighting while we're waiting for Joe?"

Jason's eyebrows lifted.

"Five minutes?"

He sighed and stood.

-o-

"That looks amazing," the art director announced as he walked over. "Where's Joe?"

"Still in makeup," the assistant nodded at him.

"How late was he?" The art director sighed.

"It's fine. We're still setting up the lights," the photographer called over. "Have you come to bother me with last minute changes Damien?"

The art director chuckled, "If Joe can look like that with Brenda…I think we're fine."

Brenda was trapped in between the window and Jason.

"Make sure they aren't laughing in the actual shots," Damien nodded.

The photographer chuckled as the art director smiled.

-o-o-o-

Liz was waiting for the girls at Jake's, trying not to look at her phone, scoping out her phone as if she couldn't handle being on her own for ten minutes. She took a deep breath and tried to enjoy the feeling. No children crying for her attention. No ex-husband who still couldn't look her in the eye. The distraught gaze of Nikolas that threatened to pull her down with him. It would be easy to give in and fall apart. Em wouldn't want that though. Of course, if Emily were still around she would have slapped Jason upside the head for agreeing once more to have Lucky raise Jake. Then again maybe she wouldn't, maybe she would say, 'Isn't that what you wanted?' reminding Liz that she had been the one to make that awful decision because Jason had really seemed to love Sam and she couldn't bear to be the one to push Lucky over the edge.

It was all gone now. Everything was a tattered mess. She had no idea how to even begin to pick up her life, especially without Emily. She tried to remind herself of the times it had fallen apart before, but now all that seemed to make her ask was, 'Why bother?'

She wanted to give into the anger, the hurt, the betrayal, the loss. She wanted to tell Port Charles to go fuck itself because nothing ever seemed to work out. It gave her these glimpses of magic and snatched it away.

Robin and Laney walked in and she forced away the thoughts, she noticed they stopped their conversation quickly as they noticed her. Still they all plastered on smiles and prepared to spend the night toasting their friend who caused there to be one less bar stool filled. Liz refused to allow her thoughts to go to her friend's brother, who was across town, rebuilding his life with someone who wasn't her.

_'Brenda and Jason can you even imagine that?' Emily asked with a bemused smile on day as they caught up on what had happened while Emily had been away at school. _

_'It was odd,' Liz smiled._

_'I can't imagine Brenda ever accepting Jason for who he is now. At least they didn't kill each other. Once though, they probably would have been great.'_

Emily would have been happy for the changes occurring now. To see Jason's life enmeshed with Brenda's. To see Jason out of Sonny's. Liz tried not to recall what they looked like play fighting over dinner as she walked into the kitchen. She tried and failed and called for another shot.

-o-o-o-

"What are you doing?" Her gait was still slightly stiff at times and he noticed the nearly hidden flinch of pain as she sat on the sofa next to him as he sat with his laptop.

"I'm getting a new bedroom set." His room currently haunted him. The room he had lived with Courtney and Sam, now filled with boxes from a room that never got to meet its occupant. They had emptied out the baby's room, which had long since been packed up, but neither he nor Sam ever had the heart to get rid of the boxes, it had been better hidden away like their pain. There'd been no choice but to turn it into an exercise room, partly for Brenda's physical therapy and partly to keep him from going insane trapped in the house.

The boxes in the room added to his insomnia as the rest of the house slept peacefully. No one mentioned the fact that he had taken up running on the treadmill in the middle of the night. Running and going nowhere. _Something had to change._

"Really? Where are you looking?" She pulled the laptop away from him, "Did you google bedroom sets? What is this site?"

"It's a furniture site."

"Cheap furniture." She shook her head and plugged in a new address.

"Brenda I'm getting that set, I already decided."

"Oooh look at that," finger extended almost touching the screen.

"I am not getting a four poster bed Brenda."

"Well what," her finger moved.

"Or a wrought iron frame."

She frowned and leaned back, "You're no fun."

He laughed and took the laptop away from her.

"Can you just play a little?"

He chuckled; she was housebound and going as stir crazy as him… "Okay." The smile remained on his face as she shot up and took the laptop away from him again.

"So what did you like about the other set."

"The bed wasn't low."

"The bed wasn't low?"

"Half the beds out there it looks like you're sleeping on the floor."

She closed her eyes as she silently laughed, then out of nowhere let out a bark of a laugh.

"What was that for?"

"I may have had a mental image of you falling to the floor instead of a bed."

"Why did I ask?"

"I have no idea," she laughed and took the computer over again. "So what else? Wood, fabric, leather, any colors in mind?"

"Just something new."

-o-

They quickly picked out beds for everyone as they scrolled through the pictures, but flinching when they called a bed out as being a Sonny.

"Really," she said as he decided between the two beds he'd narrowed it down to.

"What's wrong with it?" He sighed because of course she'd find something wrong with it now and not when they first looked at it.

"Nothing."

He was going to regret asking this, "Just tell me."

"It isn't black or dark, it has detail, it's even a little retro."

He sighed, "Just add all the matching pieces and let's get this over with."

"Matching pieces," she gave him a dirty look.

He was really going to regret asking this, "What's wrong with the matching pieces?"

"Looks like you ordered it straight out of the catalogue and have no sense of design."

"And both of those things are true."

"You're impossible," Brenda shook her head ignoring him and went back to shopping.

-o-

"That one-" Jason paused suddenly realizing that Brenda had fallen asleep as they neared the end of their epic online shopping event. Bed, nightstands, dresser, chest of drawers, chairs, a small table, a bench for the end of his bed, a rug, bedding, two mirrors, she'd made it into three painting before she obviously conked out while they were on the hunt for the third and final one. "Brenda," Jason softly whispered.

"Hmm?"

"Do you like this one?"

"Mmm hmm."

Jason smiled and clicked add to cart and typed in all of his information from memory, information he was a little concerned Brenda might have herself memorized during this. Closing the laptop he debated his options to wake her or to carry her up to bed. He decided he'd pick after he rested his eyes for a bit.

-o-

Jason blearily opened his eyes as he heard Spinelli coming in the door, the guards on duty ensured he'd be loudly awakened if it had been anyone other than Spinelli, so he didn't rush the process of waking up.

Spinelli's eyes were wide as they frequently were; Jason no longer cared about the other man's incorrect beliefs regarding Brenda and himself. "Night," he nodded as he shifted his arms so that Brenda was no longer just holding him, but he was holding her before he stood with her in his arms.

"Ni-night Stone Cold," Spinelli choked out after him.

Jason let out a small smile as he climbed the stairs, he'd been spending too much time with Brenda lately, messing with Spinelli was fun.

-o-o-o-

"Did you get them?" Brenda smiled walking in the door after spending the morning on the set doing a table read.

Jason worried.

"Apparently it is frowned upon taking one of every single paint chip. The Jackal did eventually prevail and convince them this was not for a DIY blog, though now that I see what they are talking about it does look like something Persephone would appreciate."

"Paint chips?" Jason questioned.

"You can't have a fresh new room with old paint," Brenda brushed him off as she headed towards the stack Spinelli produced.

Jason frowned as they immediately dove into the colors, chattering as if they actually enjoyed each other's company. "I need to go out; can you not buy or paint anything until I get back?"

"Can't make any promises," Brenda waved a hand in the air.

-o-o-o-

Spinelli grunted at Georgie as she greeted him with a smile as he joined her at Kelly's.

"Rough day?"

He grunted again.

"Brenda?"

"And Stone Cold!" Spinelli's eyes went wide.

"Poseidon and Persephone are indeed a force of nature; they have not stopped the ENTIRE day. An HOUR of training this morning. Three miles, he made me run three miles!"

"You did ask-"

Spinelli glared at Georgie.

She shut up.

"The Jackal had not yet even finished consuming that morning's nourishment when he was informed they were removing every single piece of furniture from Stone Cold's private lair."

"Did you guys have any help?"

"Two guards!" Spinelli lifted his fingers, "Two, do you have any idea how many guards Stone Cold recruited?"

"Well he probably wanted the guards to…guard," Georgie shrugged.

Spinelli glared. "So what does Persephone do this entire ordeal?" Spinelli's eyes widened again, "She taped, she taped the edges of the room because AFTER all that, the entire afternoon painting! The bathroom too!"

"Does it at least look good?"

"Gah!" He threw his head onto the table.

"At least they're getting along," Georgie offered with a sweet smile.

"He was a benevolent, if sometimes abrasive mentor; she has sucked him into her favorite pastime of torturing his faithful Daniel-san."

Georgie let out a brief laugh and Spinelli only realized Liz was nearby after he came out of his stupor.

-o-o-o-

"Are Brenda and Jason out?" Lulu frowned in confusion because Spinelli had made it clear that Brenda was always around.

"We may find their bloody corpses they had been fighting over a lamp for twenty minutes before the Jackal was left with no choice, but to vacate the premises." Brenda had used Jason's credit card to purchase several _necessary_ accessories online.

Lulu was in the middle of making another face as she took the final step up to the bedrooms.

"You have got to be kidding me-" Brenda screamed.

"Brenda calm down," Jason's firm voice.

Lulu and Spinelli darted down the hall.

"How am I supposed to calm down?"

"Then give me the popcorn."

Lulu and Spinelli arrived in time to see Jason removed the bowl from Brenda's hands.

"Hey," Jason nodded as he hit pause.

"Uh hi," Lulu nodded as she took in the scene. Brenda with her face scrubbed bare, her long hair resting on one side in a fishtail braid, the slouchy long sleeved tee, legs buried under the dusty blue comforter. Jason also under the sheets…

"Hey come in, watch the movie," Brenda patted the bed.

"If they're watching the movie, we're going downstairs."

"We're having a slumber party Jason to celebrate the room being done."

"We are not having a slumber party, we're watching one movie and then you're going to your own room."

"No we're watching 300 after this, you should stay Lulu, 300 ripped half naked soldiers."

"We're watching Casino Royale next," Jason shook his head at her.

She looked at him then shrugged, "I'm not gonna say no to a half naked Daniel Craig."

"Uh yea thanks for the offer, but I actually needed Spinelli to look at something, isn't that right-" Lulu looked around to find Spinelli missing from the hallway.

"He's probably already in his room."

"Yea okay," Lulu nodded, "I'm just going to close this door to give you pri- so we won't disturb you again. Have a good night," she raised a hand, "glad you're feeling better Brenda."

"What are they doing that they need to close the door?" Brenda turned to Jason. "I should text Georgie."

"Just eat popcorn and watch the movie," he shoved the bowl back at her before he turned the film back on.

-o-o-o-

Having Brenda and Jason's names set up for google alerts was a necessity that was generally a pain, but as the pictures came up, Spinelli found himself smiling out of the blue. They were entwined against a window, their body language one thing, but it was the natural smile of laughter as they looked at each other that made Spinelli smile. His suffering was worth it for that to be Stone Cold's reality. Of course now he had to tell Stone Cold that someone had access to the set that leaked those photos…

-o-

"You look like someone who could use a drink," Sam turned on the stool at Jake's.

"I am at a bar," Liz instantly regretted her decision to approach the bar while waiting for the ladies to show up.

"Well let me buy you a drink and we can cheers to Jason being everything we always wanted for him, out of the business, faithful, devoted, in love and laughing," Sam laughed herself recalling the pain that shot through her as she saw the pictures of Brenda and Jason together, "just not with us."

-o-

"I want to go out Jason," Brenda was putting her foot down, she really was.

They went to and from the set, they watched movies, they played pool. People came and visited, but she didn't visit anyone.

"It hasn't even been two weeks-"

"It has been 11 days-"

"And we still don't know-"

"Yea yea who was behind it. I get that Jason, but don't you miss living?"

"Better miss it than be dead."

"No Jason, see that's just the thing. It isn't. We're sealed up in here like it's a tomb. Don't you miss places that don't contain Spinelli?"

"Why can you two not get along?"

"Because we're trapped together in this incredibly tiny apartment."

He sighed.

"I love you guys, I really do, but let's be honest we need to see other people before we kill each other. Wait actually no, you get to leave the apartment, I'm the only one trapped."

"Brenda-"

"Jason," she put her hands on her hips.

"Get your coat," he shook his head and turned towards the door.

She smirked behind him.

-o-

"Let's do shots," was Brenda's greeting as her arms slid around Robin.

"I'm on call tomorrow," Robin laughed not surprised by Brenda's arrival since they had been texting.

"Who isn't slicing into someone's brain tomorrow? Jason's paying since he's driving."

"I need a beer," Jason nodded over the gaggle of females to Coleman.

"You need many," Coleman was already in the process of passing him one and subtly directed Jason's gaze across the bar to Sam and Maxie at a table and Liz talking to a friend.

Jason resisted the urge to swallow the beer in one shot.

-o-

"Jason!"

Jason looked over at the exclamation to see Gina Williams smiling at him with bright eyes.

"Oh my god it's been forever," she threw her arms around him.

"Yea."

She pulled, "I was so sorry to hear about Emily, she was such a sweet kid."

"Thank you," he nodded tensely.

"Gina, you came!"

Robin, Jason noted, had apparently forgotten trying to be a responsible adult.

"How could I not?" Gina smiled as Robin hugged her. "Wow even Brenda, this is a serious throwback. Jagger and I were just talking about you."

"Good things I hope," Brenda smiled.

"Of course," Gina continued to smile.

"Are you in town visiting your parents?" Brenda questioned.

"I actually just moved home. I was here this summer for a friend's wedding and I suddenly couldn't remember why I wasn't living here."

"I just did the same thing," Brenda smiled from her place next to Jason.

"It was so weird, I was so caught up living my life that I forgot to live the life I wanted. Does that sound insane?"

"Not at all," Brenda's head tilted hearing nearly the exact same message she had conveyed to Spinelli and Jason.

"Gina specialized in PEDS, she had an interview at the hospital today. Which reminds me, I want to introduce you to the girls.

Gina was soon whisked away by Robin.

"Didn't she used to have a crush on you?"

"Shut up," was Jason's only response.

-o-

It hit Brenda out of nowhere.

There had been a look from Jason as Liz was openly flirting with a colleague.

Liz had glanced in their direction more than once.

It was only as she glanced in the direction of laughter did she notice it. Did she notice that as Jason's head turned towards the noise that was a boisterous cheers from Kelly and Gina, did he catch sight of Liz staring at him. He turned away immediately. Then Liz with a heartbroken expression as she did the same.

It was guilt.

Brenda saw it now.

"You didn't-" was the straightforward accusation she made.

"Br-"

"Lucky's wife," her words were low, "Emily's best friend?"

"Brenda-"

"How could-"

He pulled her outside.

"So that's what happened between you and Sam? Liz and Lucky?"

He remained stone faced.

"You of all people Jason!"

"I know."

"Is it over? Is it still going?"

"Over."

Brenda sighed. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I would have told you if I had."

"Let's leave."

"Do you want to say goodbye?"

"No," she started walking towards the car.

-o-

"You're human," Brenda said finally looking up at him once they entered the apartment, "I get that."

He forced himself to look at her, to see the disapproval he had seen in Emily's eyes.

"You've changed," Brenda sighed, "we've all changed, but you've changed a lot. Shit's happened. A lot of it. Most of it crappy and you somehow are better I don't know if it's because of it or in spite of it." Brenda drunkenly rambled, "We are who we are because of the life we've led and you've had a lot less life. So yea, I'm sorry I was a bitch. I appreciate the fact that we're friends now and if it took you fucking Lucky's wife to forgive the rest of us for being human and having emotions and fucking up-"

"Bad time?" Spinelli said with an awkward smile walking into the room.

"I'm going to bed," Brenda announced and headed up the stairs.

"Uh-" Spinelli said moments later.

"Go to bed Spinelli," Jason ordered.

"Happily," Spinelli muttered.

-o-o-o-

He was running as she walked into the exercise room the next morning. For a moment neither of them spoke.

Her hair was in a knot above her head, her hands hidden by an oversized brown cardigan, a loose white tank, black leggings. Dark circles under her eyes.

She studied him as well. The white tee-shirt drenched with sweat. Navy and white basketball shorts. Sometimes her heart broke for who they had become, when once their future had been endless possibilities and this was who they had become.

"You've lost weight," she informed him. Right now he looked old; he looked as old as she felt. Last night though, driving over to Jake's she'd noticed how he looked ten years younger than when she first arrived.

"Yea." Jason confirmed.

"You can't run from this, whatever this is, however long it's been going on. I know that this is more than Emily." Brenda nodded harshly, saying her name still brought pain. "I'm sorry for the way I acted last night. You were always black and white and I was used…And I'm lying." She paused for a moment, deciding to be honest, "You fall in love and you're faithful and you're good and you've been that way since high school and that's you. You're that guy. You fall in love and you're," her hands shook in front of her, "that guy." Her head shook, "The one time I thought you weren't, when I thought you betrayed Robin. It was like you weren't Jason. You finally weren't Jason."

Jason slowed his speed to a walk.

"It was that one thing that was always you and it was pretty much only you. And it just…I don't know. You think you know one thing about someone, one true thing. Everything that has happened, everything that has changed, everything and one that we've lost. I can't lose you, I can't have you be that stranger." Her eyes were glassy.

He stopped.

"If you aren't that guy, if you can stop being that guy then what the hell's the point of even trying with anyone." Tears fell despite the fact that she had been trying to appear strong.

He stepped off.

"If you can't be faithful-"

He hugged her, against all logical thought, he hugged her. He practically crushed her.

"Are you going to lock me in my room or commit me because apparently I'm having a nervous breakdown?"

"Would it make you feel better to know that technically Sam and I weren't together at the time?"

"Would I be pathetic if I said yes?"

"For once, no."

She noisily laughed as all of her now felt clogged with the after effects of crying.

She stood there letting herself be held, letting herself hold him. Feeling more desperate to hold on then when he had been swimming her to shore so many years ago. To hear and feel his racing heart.

She turned slightly as Spinelli just as quickly left the room as he had begun to enter it, "Don't want to know," had been all he muttered.

They both chuckled softly.

"I should go shower," Jason said slowly separating their bodies.

"Me too."

"Sorry," he nodded.

"Sorry about the you know," her hand lifted to her head, "mental breakdown."

He nodded slightly and moved to leave the room.

"Jase."

He turned back.

"Can we stop being caught up in everything else? Can we start living the lives we wanted?"

"I hope so." 

* * *

So yea, I have no idea where that last scene just came from. I was writing you guys a note that hopefully it would be better in the morning when Brenda was sober. Yea next thing I know that emerges. I have no idea if it all works for the major plot points I had wanted. Guess we'll find out...


	24. Slow and Steady

Random Ramblings:  
I don't know about this fic, so I need you folks to tell me when it starts to veer into places you don't want (um I should point out that the Jake involvement in this fic is just as set as it is in DWYB, we will see what happens with **Jake and Jason, but it won't be until maybe the 3rd to last chapter of this fic**…do keep in mind that the fic isn't going to be longer than 6 months' worth of events). Characters you like, types of scenes you like, things you had liked previously in the story and I stopped doing…As in this story had a set start and a set end with only a few definite things I wanted to see happen from those two points. So speak up if you have an opinion. That being said…

**We Were Friends Once**. I greatly dislike this fic. I hate the writing style I used at the start of it, which is the writing style I always used to use because I wanted a direct line of sight into the characters thoughts that involved no interpretation. I get that you folks like it, I personally like the concept of it, but oh man making me reread it is torture. :-P I lost the outline that I had plotted out for this story years ago. I have NO idea if there was anything else I wanted to include in this story, but I'm pretty sure the majority of the chapters would be filler. I know where it would end, Brenda still pregnant, probably only a few months from the last scene (obviously an epilogue…You know I like those). So if you guys want I will just write that last chapter, but if there are things you wanted to see prior to that speak up. Toss it in your review of this story; send me a message later on if you think of something. If you all just want an end, I can just do that.

* * *

**Slow and Steady**

"We should make this our Christmas card," Brenda said from the couch.

"We're not sending out a Christmas card," Jason gave a dirty look around his apartment and the white and silver explosion that had overtaken it thanks to Georgie, Spinelli and his credit card last week. Oddly enough he hadn't minded decorating and the smell of burning gingerbread men as Brenda got distracted correcting his tinsel placement. He wouldn't ever mention that to her though.

"Hmph."

"Why are you looking at that again?" Jason diverted his eyes so he wouldn't see Brenda in the skimpy costume again. He still couldn't believe the production company had leaked those to drum up interest in the show.

"Who wouldn't we're gorgeous. I really hope all of those bitchy wives from the Metro Court see this. We've maintained like…Actually wait no I think we're better looking now and with your haircut and losing 15 pounds."

"Why do I keep saving your life?" Jason muttered under his breath.

"Who wouldn't save this ass?" Brenda enlarged the side shot of her ass. "It's amazing. I think I look better in these than I did in Maxim."

Jason sighed.

-o-o-o-

Brenda launched herself at him as he stepped into her trailer.

"What's wrong?" Jason asked with his heart pounding in his chest, holding her as tightly to him as she was holding on.

"Don't."

"Don't what?"

"Leave. Ever."

_Did she know about the pounding in his heart that was telling him to run? That he had to fight nearly every second of the day? _"Brenda?"

"Can you just not? Can you promise?"

"I promise," he whispered knowing that he would continue to do everything in his power to stay.

"We have thirty minutes, so I think we should-" Maxie said walking in looking down at the papers in her hand, "Oh hey Jason." Maxie's eyes widened, "What did you do to her?"

"No idea."

"It was that damn tape," Brenda said pulling away and wiping away the tears that had begun to pour as Jason held her. She had been frozen watching the tape, it was as if her entire body had been overtaken by ice, but Jason's arms had been real and warm, allowing her to melt.

"It was field day!" Maxie shook her head walking into the room. Maxie had asked Chris for something from high school so Brenda could mirror that reaction when she saw Joe's character Josh for the first time in a decade. She was not expecting having to rush Brenda over to makeup and hoping she would be able to pull off being an ice queen with only a flash of emotion. Maxie walked over to the couch grabbing the remote, quickly rewinding, "With dead people. Brilliant. Remind me to thank him. Okay we need to get you over to makeup, so pull it together." Maxie shoved the clipboard under her arm as she moved to hustle Brenda out of the room, "You've done enough, stay," she ordered Jason as he moved to follow.

He frowned, but stayed annoyed with himself a moment later as he realized he had just followed her instructions.

-o-

Knowing Brenda was being watched by the guards influenced Jason's decision to sit on the couch, curiosity of the dvd more tempting than watching Brenda get her makeup touched up, yet again. He started it over and mostly watched it on 4x. There were familiar faces, more so than he realized. People he saw around town, but never paid much attention to them. They weren't the focus of the tape no that was the group that had been at the Metro Court, but those other faces, seeing them over a decade earlier was peculiar.

He and Brenda were with the Metro Court group. He had slowly been gleaming information from everyone. He knew that by this point in the school year, late spring judging by the green grass and tee shirts, he and Brenda were single. Single and apparently not willing to mingle with Karen and Jagger because aside from a few snotty from Brenda, they stayed far away.

They looked normal; they looked as if they were actually a part of that group. He had once been friends with everyone, it was difficult to understand, difficult to even try to imagine being the person who easily laughed with everyone around him. To see himself with Brenda. Using her as an arm rest, her using his arm as a pillow, picking her up and hearing laughter instead of screams.

He didn't like it.

Any of it.

He saw a glimpse or two of Karen, a teenager, who wouldn't even have another decade of life. A sweet girl with problems just like Emily, she would go to med school just like Emily, she would get her life together just like Emily and then it would be snatched away in seconds…

He continued to watch on fast forward, he had tried to stop and listen to it, but he realized it hurt. To see and hear them like that, knowing how it would turn out. So he just watched.

Then out of nowhere the pain was searing.

AJ turned up, in slacks and a dress shirt.

Jason had noticed a few spectators on the side, a few parents, a few teachers, but mostly younger students looking on and cheering their friends, only noticeable because they weren't in their gym uniform.

AJ was there though and Jason realized the young man that had once been him was happy to see him.

Jason's discomfort intensified noticing that AJ's ease with his brother's friends was even greater than Jason's. He easily talked to them all, he easily made them laugh.

Then out of nowhere he was frowning at the screen. There was an odd interplay between AJ and Brenda that ended in Brenda smirking and moving to talk to a guy, eventually throwing a look back at AJ.

"Yea yea, you definitely used to want to fuck Brenda," Maxie said walking into trailer, "definitely weird to watch." Maxie shook her head recalling what she had seen earlier versus what she had seen the past week she had been coming to the set when she wasn't working. She was still refusing to accept what Georgie kept saying about them, especially after how Brenda would talk about Chris.

Jason frowned at Maxie.

"I need to head back to Port Charles; I have work in an hour."

"Isn't that what you're doing now?" He knew Brenda had offered her a part time job as her assistant after the first day Maxie had come to visit and taken over everything.

She gave him a look.

"Get Joe's number?"

Maxie just smiled.

-o-

Jason headed out of the trailer as Maxie gathered up her things, heading over to the set he knew Brenda would be on.

Brenda flashed him a smile as her attention returned to the director.

"He is the one person you never expected to see again, but you always expected to see."

-o-

Jason watched them run through the scene several times. Both Brenda and Joe were off according to the director, though Jason wasn't quite sure what the man was looking for. He wasn't sure how Brenda was supposed to pull off a flash of hope, so brief it would barely touch her lips, followed by coldness. Maybe though, he wondered if he hadn't seen that before. Maybe he thought of how a moment of kindness could cause her to break down.

He started thinking about the people he had just watched on the dvd, the people they had once been as Brenda portrayed someone who was exactly living the life she had wanted and planned for, yet was unhappy. Her character was regimented, living what she and most viewed as a perfect life. Marriage to her high school sweetheart, three children, a large house. A life that was perfect on paper yet left her empty. Jason knew Joe's character was the guy Charlotte hadn't picked, the guy no one ever knew was an option. Charlotte's husband, Doug was the guy that had wanted all the same things as her; Josh was the guy that had wanted his life to be an adventure. He knew the basis for Brenda's character was that she was finally starting to realize that despite getting exactly what she wanted, it might not have been what she needed.

Jason was still stuck on that guy in the dvd though. The guy he had never wanted to be. The guy he had wanted nothing to do with. He wondered what it was like to feel joy like that, to have things constantly be easy. He wondered what it would be like to have the type of life he saw Brenda in at the moment. To see her walking down the front steps, to see kids running after her… He wondered why he thought of that.

-o-

He stopped at her room as he headed to his own. He stopped because he heard his own voice. His voice from long ago. He knocked and waited for her to tell him to come in, it was a consideration she rarely granted him.

She had been crying the tears were still fresh in her eyes. "I forgot that this was that day when I gave the dvd to Spinelli," Brenda nodded at the screen. Her face just barely lit by a candle.

"Did he normally lecture you about Sonny?"

"More AJ and Edward."

"Did you sleep with AJ?" The question once more shot out of his mouth without thought.

"That's disgusting he slept with Julia," then she frowned, "actually back then that sounds like something I would have definitely done."

"That wasn't an answer."

Brenda smiled out of nowhere, "We used to play with each other. It was different then."

"More so than I realized," Jason said moving to sit on the end of the bed.

"I don't like this show."

"It's life not a-"

"No, I mean the scripts and filming, the actual show. I don't like having to think about the past. I don't want to be in a tv show where my character is surrounded by friends that she's had her entire life."

The majority of the people he knew he had known for most of the life he could recall.

"I've run into people I went to boarding school with, Chris and I had dinner Tamara and her husband and she was nice and she was nice when we were in high school, but I…I always had to be different, I always had to be the one that stood out, that got the attention. I could never just let things be easy."

"Do you want to talk about how we would have been married with children again?"

"Did you seriously just make another joke? I think that's like your third today. Maybe we should have gotten you a cat scan the other week. And it was child, not children. I would have bailed."

"I don't think he would have let you." Jason looked at the screen, he knew his face wasn't up there, the camera was trained on Brenda, the focus…

"You suddenly became an expert on who you used to be?"

"I think I'm starting to understand him."

"What do you understand?"

"I don't think he let things go. The Quartermaines, AJ, you."

"I wish he had," Brenda's eyes went to a distant place as she looked at the screen, seeing through her own eyes once more and seeing him. _For a moment, he was there with her entirely._

"No you don't."

Her expression shifted so briefly he wasn't sure what it meant. "No I don't," she admitted.

He watched her shake it off.

"I told Sonny just a few weeks ago that I didn't have any regrets about the past."

"You do now?"

"The friendships my character is supposed to have, the family. I don't know why I always had to make everything so difficult."

"Had?"

She rolled her eyes. "When the director was telling me to look at Joe and that flash of hope. I don't feel that anymore. I looked at him and I saw Sonny and it hurt. No matter how good and how much promise, right now I don't feel-"

"Sonny isn't Joe."

She rolled her eyes again, "I am aware-"

"No I mean he isn't Josh, if you're comparing this to your life he's Doug."

"The excitement, the adventure-"

"Everything you thought you wanted."

Her mouth remained open. "Sonny's Doug."

"He's the life you thought you wanted."

"That makes a lot more sense." She paused taking that in. "I thought I wanted the fame and drama-"

"Can you exist without drama?"

She lifted a finger to curse him out, then shrugged. "I really had wanted it Jason. That intensity and…" Brenda shrugged. "What do you do when you realize you've made all the wrong decisions?"

"Start making the right ones?"

"I keep trying that," she turned with a wry expression, "doesn't seem to work."

"Ask me first," Jason smirked then moved to get up.

"No stay, watch tv with me."

"I'm going to go-"

"Run away from all your past decisions?"

He stopped standing.

"I am not as dumb as you think I am."

"I never said-"

She gave him a look. "We can't do anything about our past, but we're going forward, remember? So sit down and you can pick what we watch."

He hesitated.

"Do you really want to leave me alone and introspective? How do you think that's going to turn out?"

He sat back down.

-o-

"Hey," she greeted him a smile, stopping at the edge of the porch. Her dark straight hair fell just past her shoulders. Sunkissed shoulders, barely covered by the straps of the navy blue sundress she wore, her feet bare.

"Hey yourself."

"Have a good day?"

"No complaints. You?"

"Tons," she smiled.

"Where are the kids?"

"In the backyard, possibly killing each other. I'm not that concerned."

He chuckled and took the steps slowly, just as he had taken the whole walk from the car because sometimes that first sight was everything and you wanted to savor and hold on to it before it slipped away.

She smiled brighter as he was the step below her, still just ever so slightly taller than her. Her arms wound around his neck. "Hello dear."

"Hello darling."

"Miss me?"

"Every day."

She came in for a kiss then, long and slow. A brief interlude from their life.

"Daddy!" a small voice yelled as footsteps tore at them and tore them apart.

-o-

Brenda awoke scratchy and looked down at her arm expecting to see boils after falling asleep to the program about the plague. She turned ready to scold the warm body next to her for picking such a show. He was asleep though. Smiling even. He looked happy, rested and young. She realized he looked better than he had in a long time. They were turning a corner, both of them. She was sure of it. She looked at the time and realized she had 10 more minutes before the alarm would sound. She let her body snuggle back into the bed, pulled the blanket up once more.

-o-o-o-

"Put an offer in," Jason said walking around the kitchen on his cell.

Brenda frowned as she entered the room.

"That's right," Jason ignored her as she silently tried to communicate with him. "Let me know what he says."

"Who says," Brenda asked as soon as he hung up.

"There's a garage on Fern for sale."

"I thought you were becoming a Private Dick."

Jason's brows barely lifted at the term, she hadn't stopped since Spinelli mentioned it in front of her. "I told Spinelli no."

"You've been telling him no for two weeks."

"Not going to happen."

"Why not?" Brenda shrugged. "You'd be good at it."

He looked at her, the longer she stayed, the more honest they both got. Part of him finally realizing that had been missing from his life for some time as they all kept trying to please each other, kept trying to do what the other needed or wanted. "I've had enough of other people's drama."

Brenda nodded emphatically in agreement, and then frowned. "So what are you going to do when Spinelli does this on his own and you need to keep bailing him out of trouble."

"Encourage him to return to computers?"

Brenda laughed.

"When does the spring semester start at PCU?"

-o-o-o-

"You're not going to forget are you?" Brenda asked walking around the living room trying to gather her belongings before she left for the set.

Jason was half asleep, which was surprising since he had been awake for hours, of course the fact that he once more had a night full of dreams he couldn't recall and that left him wide awake hours before he meant to wake up... "Bananas, strawberries, milk, your cereal and peanut butter."

"Almond butter," Brenda corrected, frazzled because she had only been awake for a half hour and had barely stopped rushing the entire time.

"Raw and unsalted," Jason finished.

"I'll text you the list from the car," Brenda said shaking her head as she wrapped her scarf around her.

Jason rolled his eyes.

"I probably need my phone to do that," she shook her head. "They're going to have to kill me off after the first season if this 5am thing continues."

He chuckled, "They're just trying to make up time." They had filmed the two hour premiere before Brenda had been brought on, but the network insisted they revamp the show after seeing it, which led to Brenda getting the job and major time crunch they had been working under.

She looked at the phone in her hand that she had just grabbed from the desk, "This is not my phone."

He laughed again and grabbed hers from the shelf he had watched her drop it on.

She sighed, already tired by the day that had barely started. "Lifesaver, okay I'll see you later," she moved in to grab the phone as she said good bye.

They both froze as they realized their lips had just brushed in a careless kiss as part of the departure.

She backed away quickly, "Okay we are spending too much time together."

"Agreed," his eyes were wide and looking up.

"Make a move on Gina tonight," she called out as she grabbed her purse and coat.

"Call me if you need me," he repeated as he repeated every time they parted now.

The front door slammed shut.

He turned just as it opened again.

"That would be useful," Brenda nodded at her phone, still in his hand.

-o-

He hid with Georgie and Spinelli at the table of the lounge they'd gone to. Sam had mentioned it a few years ago when it had opened, but it wasn't his scene so she hadn't pushed. Brenda obviously had no similar concerns. There had been no problems getting Georgie in just as Brenda told him there wouldn't be. Jason still kept a focused eye on her, not sure what Mac would do if his youngest child got drunk while out with him. It didn't matter that Maxie was out on the dance floor; Jason knew he would take the blame, especially since he had already handed over a credit card for the night.

"Is this going well?" Spinelli asked louder than necessary causing Jason to flinch.

"What?"

"Blending with the little people, should we be dancing?"

He had obviously not been watching Spinelli as well as he had been watching Georgie and Brenda.

Georgie snorted in obvious unspoken agreement.

"If you want to dance, dance."

"The Jackal would never leave-"

Jason stood and gave a brief look at the guard next to him, making sure the man knew to watch their belongings and drinks.

He didn't walk to where everyone was dancing, but pointed Spinelli that way when he tried to follow him to the bar.

"Rough night?" Gina said taking in his face as he walked towards her.

He threw a look back at everyone on the dance floor.

"I'm living with my parents there is no way they can be worse than that."

His eyebrows lifted.

She let out a burst of laughter, "I'm impressed I could say that with a straight face."

He let out a loud breath.

"You need a drink or several…or maybe shots," Gina turned on the seat to get the attention of the bartender.

-o-o-o-

Logan and Maxie had taken Georgie and Robin home and Chris had left hours earlier citing an early morning flight down to the city for ELQ business and Gina caught a ride home with him claiming she had to leave before she needed to cut off her feet.

Therefore the SUV contained just as many guards as it did inebriated inhabitants. Spinelli was stretched across the backseat snoring off and on and Brenda was staring vacantly out the window at the darkened Christmas lights.

"Did you want to go away?" Jason asked continuing the conversation they had been having about Christmas, they had no plans, nothing they needed to do, and her mood had dropped significantly after that realization.

She frowned, "No," she sat up. "We're changing right? Going forward? You're buying a garage; I'm dating a guy that owns a house. If we want Christmas-"

"I didn't say I wanted-"

"We have a Christmas, our Christmas, in our place. With Christmas Eve and dinner, maybe footie pajamas for Spinelli."

"Butt flap?"

"Definitely," she smiled already making lists in her head.

-o-o-o-

"Thank you for coming down, busy time of the year?" Joy Behar said as Brenda was surrounded by the ladies of The View.

"Thank you for having me, you got a day off filming so I can do my Christmas shopping."

"You do not want to go out there," Sherri said with wide eyes, "a woman tried to take me out for a scarf the other day."

Brenda smiled, "Maybe I'll just do it online."

"Ignore her, you have to go and see the windows," Elizabeth grinned, "so do you have any big Christmas plans?"

"No we're just having a small little Christmas, maybe have a few friends over."

"We," Joy's ears perked up, "now would we be your very gorgeous husband that I saw backstage? Oh I'm sorry ex-husband. Have you guys seen the pictures?"

"Oh no," Brenda didn't have to feign embarrassment for what she knew was coming, all while secretly enjoying it.

"Ex-husband," Joy said still looking back at the picture taken that day on the set.

"And me in my underwear on national television."

"I saw him backstage," Sherri deadpanned, "and I was thinking about going for a walk down Broadway so he could throw himself at me."

"Yes," Brenda nodded, "he is a very good ex-husband."

"I'll say," Whoopi joined in, "you normally try to run over your ex."

"Can I just say you two are pretty together," Sherri was still looking up at the screen, "I mean damn."

"Yea it's a really good picture."

"So he saves you from moving vehicles, travels down to the city with you and you're having Christmas together?"

"You know I didn't actually say that, you did."

"Probably because I keep seeing that you're living together again. So 2008, wedding bells?"

"You know I have to say this, Jason and I are very happily divorced."

"I'd put a ring on that," Sherri said once more looking up, "I'd lock that down."

"Speaking of lockdown," Joy said and the picture changed.

"Oh no," Brenda said hiding her head as a picture of her and Jason walking out of the courthouse appeared on the screen.

"Your personal life has more going on that a lifetime movie."

"Aren't I here to talk about the show?"

"She does have a new show coming out," Whoopi agreed.

"I'm pretty sure this is more interesting." Joy's eyes were wide.

"What I want to know is do we have any good shots, you know by the pool, in the bedroom, can he come out here and bench press me?" Sherri started giving come hither looks at the camera.

"Wow I'm really glad he can only divorce me once."

-o-o-o-

"Do you have to use me to sell your show?" Jason asked as Brenda entered the green room.

"According to my publicist, yes." 

* * *

Thanks for reading folks!


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